AA meetings not helping?
My boyfriend got his 3rd DUI. However, he is not an alcoholic. He plain and simply made another bad choice to drink and then drive. He has been going to AA classes everyday since it happened. He has been giving it his all.
He was open to listening to everything that was told to him in the classes. Listens to everyone talk about their problems with alcohol. He not only went to classes to make himself look better when his court day arrives, but to better himself as well. To see if he possible had a problem. I am proud of him for that.
Now that he has been going for a while now, he came home last night just frustrated. He just can not relate to the people in the class. He doesn’t have the problems that they do. He doesn’t drink like they do. Before this happened he drank twice a month. Never missed work, never got into any financial problems, never got into any other issues.
My question is, Why is it that he is put into the same category? Is their a different kind of class that he can attend. Why is there not levels for the type of “alcoholic” someone might be?
Thank you for your time. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. I just want help him get through this.
CONCERNED
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The Right Meeting
His third? That should tell you that there is something going on that isn’t what it should be. People who do not have a problem with alcohol do not get three DUI citations. I know he’s your boyfriend and you love him, but please do not split hairs on “type” of drinkers. There are those people who can have a couple of drinks and act responsibly. “I’ve had too much, can you drive me home?” There are those who may be ten sheets to the wind, yet not show it, that is until they get behind the wheel of a car. Alcoholism is a disease of the brain that progresses in stages, and without question, it negatively impacts a person’s ability to make responsible decisions. A person with three DUI’s is in trouble. He doesn’t think he has a problem, but what about his three DUI’s? There are meetings and there are meetings. If he is attending a court-appointed session, he just has to complete it. You said he was trying and wanted to better himself. He needs to do a little investigating. If he wants to get the most out of an AA meeting, I would recommend he find one that holds firmly to the original design, emphasizes the 12 Step and that he have a sponsor to hold him accountable. Call around and see if there is a group that he feels more comfortable with. He may have to attend several groups before he finds the one he likes. He is going to tell you a lot of things, not the least of which is his intention to cut back on his drinking and not get pulled over any more. Encourage him to do that, but also understand that alcoholism washes away good intentions. People often say they can quit, but they can’t. Joe Herzanek’s book, “Why don’t they just quit?” discusses that question at length. Toby Rice-Drew’s “Getting them sober” is also an excellent resource for you. I know you want to believe him, but he smart and try to remain objective. This way you can help.
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