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Can I stay in this relationship or do I have to leave?

by Mippis

(Maine)

My husband is addicted to percocet. I first found out last May of 2013 he came to me with this saying he wanted to stop …… I was so blindsided by this I never saw it coming …..I sat here while he detoxed and I know it was hell for him but it was hell for me as well to see …

I don’t feel bad for the physical symptoms of withdrawal ….. I’m sorry but I have been very sick in life and I have gotten through it because there weren’t things to ease the pain ….. There are millions of people suffering every day so I’m sorry if I lack sympathy for a self inflicted illness and we were under doctors supervision……

He got off them then about three months later I started to notice little similar signs and started to suspect but couldn’t bring myself to confront for fear that if he really wasn’t I didn’t want to insult him…. (What stupidity ) so that was back in October …

Now here we are January of 2014 and signs start popping up again and I know my gut was dead on (Scorpio intuition) and finally told him last night I knew …. He was totally honest and admitted … He said he wanted help again like in the past but after the detox period is over he feels he doesn’t need professional help. This time I don’t want to go through this again he is trying to turn it around and say see this is why I don’t tell you anything and I said don’t turn this on me.

I guess my question is how can I save my marriage and my mind .. We have been married for 17 years and he was completely sober from alcohol and any substance for six years prior to this . He tries to have an occasional beer and claims it doesn’t agree with him which is fine by me because I definitely don’t want that too however I know he is trying to substitute one drug for another which is a red flag ….

So all this being said how can I save me and our marriage I love my husband so much?

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Addiction is a disease that must be FULLY managed or else it will return.

by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Mippis,

I’m so very sorry for your husband’s addiction. From your description it sounds like something that you both have been struggling with for a very long time.

Overcoming the disease of addiction is really about moving into recovery. A person who is in addiction recovery is usually a different person then the addict. They’re honest, open and aware of their disease and KNOW that they must work on it DAILY to avoid relapse.

I know very little about you situation but it sounds as if your husband is a lone ranger who thinks he can do this alone. Well, the statistics say that he can’t.

Your goal has got to be to get your husband to move into true recovery rather than just try to manage this problem alone. You need to start attending Al-anon meeting and get him to attend AA meetings and to begin to work the 12 steps.

If he refuses to do this than the likelihood of him staying addicted is very high. He MUST work the 12 steps to understand his addiction and to learn how to control it. I know of no other program that works.

He needs to be in full recovery from all of his addictions to begin to move forward in his life.

As you go to Al-anon and work the steps you will learn to understand what you and he have been dealing with all of these years. You will, with your sponsor, learn what you need to do to love your husband but to hate the addiction. The program will teach you how to support your husband in love but to NEVER support his addiction in any way.

Making the decision to leave will take a lot of work in the program and should only be made once you have completed all twelve steps.

Good Luck,

Debbie

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