Daughter just out of detox for heroin.
by Ed
My daughter just got out of a 6 week detox and rehab for heroin addiction. Her boyfriend of 13 years is in jail right now for burglary because of this addiction they have had.
She is 29 and he is 27, they have an 11 year old and a 5 year old children. My daughter and her children live with us now and have lived with us off and on for the last 7
years.
My wife and I had no idea of the depth of Angela’s addiction, when I thought i was paying her rent, buying the children clothes, helping with her bills, I was really funding her addiction. I feel so dumb!!
We have met with her boyfriend’s parents and we both agree that they are toxic when they are together. We expressed that to Angel and she will not hear anything about it.
She has been out of contact with him for the six weeks she was in rehab, but since she is out now it seems like all her effort is going to reach out to him and not take care of herself and her children.
I don’t know how to handle this the right way, I have never like this guy and always told her what a loser he is and I don’t want to say the wrong thing and have her relapse.
Although, if and when he gets out of prison I know she will go back to him and that WILL lead her to relapse. I just don’t know…..My wife and I are out of ideas and at our wits end……..HELP!!!
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Force the Issue
Substance Use Disorder (SUD, aka addiction) can turn an otherwise intelligent, rational person into an unthinking, selfish and manipulative creature, with no concern for anyone or anything. It was good that your daughter had six weeks in the treatment center, but what about her recovery? Is there a plan for her to attend meetings or engage in any recovery activities? She needs to be a part of the recovery community and not a part of the drug culture, which is just what you are concerned about. She needs to realize that there are serious consequences to her relationship with that man. He may be the father of her children, but is he a dad? They have been together for many years, but outside of marriage and a true commitment to each other and their children. The fact that he is in prison speaks volumes of where his priorities lie and his dedication to family life. If your daughter were in a 12 Step program, for example, and if she was willing to go beyond the physical impact of her disease, she would have to come to grips with the terrible destructive force that her life has become. The disease has turned her into a self-absorbed woman, who will be willing to sacrifice her children, her future and her family for her relationship with this man and the drug culture that accompanies him. She needs to see this for herself and understand how her own behavior has been so destructive. The steps force the issue, but only if the person allows it. If she insists on throwing her life away, you may have to remove the children and let her go. But before that happens, I would recommend a call to Al-anon to speak with other parents who have gone down a similar path with their daughter and the toxic boyfriend. Find out what other parents have done, the good and the bad, and that will help you formulate a game plan for how you can best help her. She will have to see the light. At the very least, you can keep the boyfriend out of your house and pressure your daughter into caring for the children. It may hurt a little, but you have to fight to save her. The treatment center may also offer counsel for you. |
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Re: Force the issue
Thanks again Ned, I’ll post updates…. |
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Keep Us Posted
Thank you for responding and I support your decision to seek some help for yourself. There are solid, professional people out there to offer their services, and don’t forget Al-anon which has helped fathers just like you. Many recovering addicts go to daily meetings to receive the support they need. Stay close to her and keep cheering her on. You’re getting your little girl back and that’s huge. |