Dealing with girlfriend recovering addict?

by Dominic


I am having a hard time with my girlfriend and her recovering from heroin addiction, will it ever end?

She has been taking Suboxone for the last 7 weeks, and has relapsed twice, its been an ongoing problem for about 2 years now, we have lived with each other for almost that same amount of time.

I’ve known her for 10 years, and she was not shy about telling me she was just getting out of a rehab facility that she was in for 6 months, and things where fine, but many dollars later and many fights and headaches and stressful situations, she still seems like she just can’t get over heroin. She does not work and can’t hold a job without her depression kicking in and then the mood swings because she thinks about getting high, she seems like she is fighting with herself, but I have come to not trust her.

It seems that everyday is a struggle with what her attitude and problem is going to be and it all resolves around heroin, she is currently seeing a doctor and has gotten welfare, and started getting council on her addiction and medication (suboxone) but still everyday, its what can I do to get high?

It’s either drinking, smoking weed, or thinking about heroin, she has spent so much energy and wasted so much time and money on this drug, will it ever friggin end?

I have told her that I’m here for her and she has my full support, I take her to the doctor and to get her medicine. I sometimes have to pay for it out of my pocket, I pay all the bills and I think I have gone above and beyond my duties to help, and I have asked her.

I know that in order for her to get sober she has to be the one that wants to get sober, all I can do is support her in her sobriety, but the depression, and sleeping all day and not even leaving the house for 4 to 5 days at a time, and not showering and sometimes not even leaving our bedroom except to go to the bathroom or get something to drink or just to drive me crazy.

She spends time with me which ends up being a fight because we are on edge, she’s thinking about getting high and I know she is, but the tension or to even talk about it causes us to fight.

Now she has said that she really wants to get off of heroin, and is trying, and has come a long way, but it’s just becoming really to much, and she is a beautiful 28 year old girl who hasn’t had to stoop to the lows of obtaining the drug, but whenever she has money it seems like she is looking to get heroin.

My instinct says to get rid of her, but i know she is a good person and the only thing that i don’t like about her is the drugs and how it manipulates her and our lives together.

What to do?

One Drug for Another

by: Ned Wicker

Dear Dominic,

Your girlfriend is lucky to have a loyal guy who loves her. But avoiding heroin, just to smoke marijuana and drink is a bad alternative, and this behavior just feeds to cycle of addiction. It sounds to me like she needs to be clean AND sober, and that the only way you and her will have a worthwhile, sustaining relationship is for her to be completely drug free.

She needs to go back to treatment and if she is interested in your relationship, and I’d make it a condition, she’ll complete the program and get into a healthy recovery lifestyle. Your time together has shown you everything you need to know, so you know all the tricks, the lies, the deception and the roller coaster.

Get her on the right path and make sure there will be consequences if she doesn’t. It’s time for her to take care of business.

You should also start attending Al-anon meetings for yourself. Everyone there has been in situations similiar to what you’re experiencing and can help you work through your best options. You are not alone.

Good Luck!


by: dominic

Thanks for the advice, I’m just trying to understand what the big addiction is to this drug. I know all about it, I didn’t know anything about it until the last 3-5 years except that you shoot it up, and it was very addictive, but never lived around it or with it.

If the people who are on it would spend as much energy getting off it as they do trying to find it or get money to buy it they would be strait.

I’ve seen it destroy so many lives and im trying not to be one of them, by getting sucked in with my heart and not using common sense and my mind that is telling me to let go.

It’s kind of at a crossroads right now, she is doing well, but the relapse can happen as quick as a mood change, then hours are spent huddled up fighting with herself, because she has no money or way to get to the drug, and second makes herself miserable and is snappy and argumentitive, and then when asked whats her problem it always is about wanting to get high, I just want to scream WTF!!!!

I’ve spent and lost thousands of dollars helping her, supporting her, I’ve threatened to leave her over it and she has really gotten a lot better.

But enough is enough, it’s time to grow up and get your act together, or end up on the streets like all of the poor souls left out there walking around with the addiction!

Same situation!!


My situation is actually 100% the same as yours, down to the dating for 2 years knowing her for 10. But I took care of it a little differently.

No matter how much it hurts, she has 2 choices. Breakup or rehab, anything else you are enabling her. Please read about what an “enabler” is because it is what you are doing.

It will hurt but you have no choice it is your life. I threw my GF out right before Thanksgiving, gave up a planned trip to Florida went by myself and now she is in rehab.

She has no more chances, she either stays clean or she is gone. Also, try to get her into a program like Phoenix House or Mercy Hall (Long Island) which is an 8 to 12 month program.

Good luck we both need it!

Desperate for help?

by: Anonymous

I’m having a similar situation happen in my life right now. I’m only 19, my boyfriend is 18 and a recovering heroin addict, we’ve only been dating a little over 5 months but we’ve gone through so much that it feels like a lifetime.

I didn’t know he did heroin until about 2 months into our relationship, I was devastated but he wanted help and was willing to change so I stood by his side. He left for rehab at the beginning of January and I felt so relieved but he left rehab early against recommendation.

I was upset that he left but he said he knew what he had to do to get clean and he did at first.. went to meetings everyday etc. but then he just lost motivation and stopped.. then I found out he had relapsed.. he said he was going to buy suboxone off the streets and even showed it to me when I asked to see it because I didn’t trust him.. I had no clue what the stuff looked like but I pretty much knew it wasn’t suboxone because they come in tablets, then I saw messages in his phone about getting dope and felt so betrayed.

I had a melt down, he cried said he was sorry and all that and I just forgave him and then again and again and again. until finally he got into a suboxone clinic which got him off all drugs even weed because he gets monthly tests.

I thought he was doing so well and we were finally happy but yesterday I find out he’s been ordering bath salts online since the beginning of March and it’s now April 3rd.

I had a feeling something was up and gave him so many chances to tell me and I offered to help just as I have been but he insisted nothing was going on. So when I found this out I was so angry. I’m still very upset but more pissed at him than anything.

I cannot deal with all the lies anymore, there’s only so much a person can take. He says he won’t do any more salts but I’ve heard so many promises that have been broken over and over again I don’t believe a word he says anymore.

He says it’s because he’s depressed, he has no friends anymore and he says he’s so lonely without me that’s why he did them. All he’s been doing the last couple days is laying on bed, hasn’t gone to work or anything.

It makes me so angry because even though bath salts are “legal” they’re still a drug to me and he does them to block out his feelings. I don’t know what to do to help him out of this depression state I feel so helpless. I don’t know how much more I can take 🙁 but I want to be here for him it’s just so hard anymore!

Big Changes Needed

by: Ned Wicker

You are learning now that you aren’t going to change him. The only thing that is going to change him is completing his treatment program and getting into a healthy recovery lifestyle. The lies aren’t going to stop.

As his disease progresses and his life falls apart, he will steal, manipulate and do just about anything to get what he wants. You will be an appendage and not an important part of his life. He’ll want you to live with him and pay the bills. You are on a one-way street to nowhere.

You can, however, be an influence and a good friend, not by being his “Friday night girl,” but by being his friend. He needs to get back into treatment, so if he has feelings for you that are worth his emotional investment, then he may go into treatment just to preserve the relationship. Let’s put it this way, if he doesn’t get treatment, you have no future.

If he lives as a drug addict, and you live with him, you’re just enabling him. His going to bath salts is a silly way of convincing himself that he is doing something perfectly legal. Don’t buy it. You are right, it’s terrible stuff.

You can hang around if you like, but if he doesn’t get back into treatment, you’d be foolish to think he’s going to get better. Your best bet is to put your foot down and demand a dramatic change of events.

If he balks, he’s history and you will need to go on with your life. You deserve to be with somebody who will respect you and love you. This guy isn’t sounding like your prince charming.

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