Escaping the H-ell.
(Ventura, Ca., USA)
Do I even remember when or why it began, I guess it doesn't really matter, living through it seems to be the miracle. I could go on about my life, how it's exactly like yours or it isn't.
Happens to anyone as you've probably already heard. I've used it all but always came back to the cheap and easy solution-Heroin.
Great like growing up with parents who loved and provided for me-I was typical or untypical, I'm not hear to brag. I am hear though, to tell you that as treatment may work for some, it doesn't for most, and yeah relapse is part of recovery blah blah blah, more of an excuse to use again.
I've been on Suboxone for about a year now, sure I wana use, I miss it everyday but now I have my life back, my family is back, my hygiene is back. I work, I sleep, I eat and I can afford to now-Most of all I don't get dope sick, let me repeat that, "I don't get dope sick", and if you don't know what that means get out while you can because it's the worst feeling you will ever have, and no it's not like having a really bad flu, a flu will go away, a flu will let you sleep some to recover, I'll take the flu anyday over the other alternative.
Do I still get depressed? Yeah!!!, but I sit around being depressed, alone, broke and hurting from withdrawal planning a scene to score money for dope-which is gonna happen to you, I don't care how your situation is now but if your not going through it just wait, unless you die first which is what your gonna feel like you wish you could when the dope, the money, the wife/girlfriend is gone, family is all gone, all enablers are gone because the hell you have put them through, the empty lies and false promises you made and said just so you could score.
You won't ever be able to quit on your own and there will never come the time when you yourself alone are just ready to quit, how can you when you know that there is something out there that can make any issue in your life just disappear with a hit of the junk, it doesn't work that way.
Quitting sucks, no one likes a quitter, so you'll joke about it about until you're out, down and out!!! I might be on Suboxone for the rest of my life on a small dose to avoid using, but it's better than what my life was everyday on heroin, 1,000 times better.
I've come to rediscovery that sex is better than it, oh my God is it, the touch of my hand on a women's skin cannot compare, but you're blinded from that because withdrawal is so horrible.
If you don't believe me, I dare you to try it, just like you would probably were dared to try dope, because of the horror stories you've heard and all the times you ever said "I'll never become an addict-drugs are gross and disgusting and are only for losers", and then you wake up throwing up and realizing you are now one-sucks don't it!!!
Find a Dr that deals with it and tell them you need help, they know and accept it and will help you, and if it's a money issue there's a always a way to get the cure. It'll be cheaper than you'll ever spend on heroin and will give your sense of pride and relief back, all I am saying is from one addict to another to try it, try something else cuz obviously what your doing ain't working, not for long anyways.