by BARBARA

(WASHINGTON)

I know that is hard to believe that a girl like me can become a drug addict. my name is BARBARA. am your average girl next door i go to school, ride the bus,hang with my family and friends. But deep down inside of me there is a part of me that i try to keep inside sometimes it just takes over me and i lose touch with the old me.(crazy huh)

But it like a i keep all my feelings inside and don’t let it show which is a bad thing because sometimes i would just take it out on who ever is around me. I’ve been though a lot and slowly i feel like i am losing myself and family.

It all started when i was about 7 or 8 and my mom goes to work doing the night shift and leaves me and my brothers and sisters at home with our father and you would think that your kids would be fine and safe because their with their dad but know it was my half brothers and sisters and we live with their dad. a barely now my real father i could care less anyway.

It was Halloween day and we had no Halloween bag so my mom told us to ask our teacher for a bag for our candy so i did but i didn’t know she was playing all i new was that she told me to do something so i did it. Anyways i got home with my bag and my dad got mad and started yelling at me then beat me over a bag talking ABOUT PACK YOUR STUFF BECAUSE YOU ARE MOVING WITH YOU GRANDMA SO I DID AND HE LEFT THE ROOM THE 2 MINS LATER HE CAME IN AND PUT ME ON HIS LAP TALKING ABOUT HE’S SORRY AND ALL THIS THEN HE STARED TOUCHING ME.

I TOLD MY MOM BUT SHE ASKED HIM AND HE TOLD HER DIDN’T AND WHO DO YOU THINK SHE BELIVE HIM. SO GRADUALLY HE WOULD DO SOMETHING ELSE TO BE LIKE WAKE ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO TOUCH ME THIS WENT AN UNTIL I WAS 15 CAUSE WE MOVED TO NEW MEXICO TO SYA WITH MY GRANDMA THATS WHEN I STARTED TO SMOKE WEED TO COPE WE MOVED BACK TP WASHINGTON A YEAR LATER THAT WHEN I MEET THIS BOY WHO I THOUGHT HE LIKED ME HE DID BUT HE ONLY WANTED TO USE ME BECAUSE HE BROUGHT ME TO THIS PARTY AND HIM AND HIS FRIENDS RAN A TRAIN ON ME.

IT TAKE ME ALONG TO TO ADMIT THAT BUT I GUESS IT WAS MY FAULT BECAUSE I DIDN’T SAY NO OR STOP I WAS SCARED BECAUSE WHEN MY DAD USE TO TOUCH ME I TOLD MY MOM AND SHE DIDN’T BELIVE ME SO I DIDN”T THINK ANYONE WOULD IF MY MOM DIDN’T SO I JUST KEEP IT ALL INSIDE. AND THEN THAT’S WHEN THEY TOLD EVERYONE AT SCHOOL THAT I WAS A WHORE SO I DIDN’T HAVE MANY FRIENDS. I WAS ANGRY, MAD, HURT, AND SAD.

I WAS JUST FEELING SO MUCH THAT I JUST DEPENDED ON DRUGS TO HELP ME FORGET IT GOT SO BAD TO WHERE I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF. BUT THEN I MET THIS BOY WHO LOVED ME FOR ME I BEEN WITH HIM FOR 24 MONTHS KNOW MY LONGEST RELANSHINP EVER. HE HELP ME RECOVER AND FOR GIVE AND LET GO. IF IS WASN’T FOR HIM I THINK THAT MY DRUG ADDICTION WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT WORSE AND A PROBABLY BE IN JAIL OR PRISON NOT CARING ABOUT MY FUTURE I DO CARE NOW A LOT MORE THEN I USED TO.

WE ARE IN LOVE SO MUCH THAT WE’RE STARTING A FAMILY TOGOTHER (BIG STEP) BUT THAT’S WHAT WE WANT I MEAN AFTER ALL I BEEN THOUGH I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND LIVE A HAPPY LIFE(RIGHT) NOW I FINALLY GOT WHAT I DREAMED ABOUT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME. AND NOW THAT I HAVE A BABY ON THE WAY ITS TIME TO JUST FORGIVE AND LET GO BECAUSE I COULDN’T RAISE A BABY IF I WAS STILL MAD AT THE WORLD.