I was once in love with a heroin addict continued...

Hi,

I have been looking for answers of my own to deal with what I have been going through the last 4 weeks single and free from the addict and being with someone for 5 years and finding out in the last 12 months that he had a addiction was the most painful experience i have ever had to deal with.

I met my ex-addict at work; he was handsome and so bloody nice. We had a great 4 years together, and at the start it didn't occur to me that i was paying for a lot of stuff because i was on triple his salary but i had comments made from my family but i shrugged them off.

We were looking at houses May 2016 i came off contraception Feb 2016. Luckily nothing happened as that would of made me hit rock bottom myself. But i found out he gambled his savings away, or so he said, so i agreed to help him save after he pleaded with me not to leave after being apart 2 weeks.

So everything was going OK May to October but i started seeing differences in his appearance. I thought maybe he was unwell, so i told him to go GP and get checked. He went he said he was ok just tired from work i believed him.

Two weeks passed and he looked unwell still, so i started going through his bag and found little clear bags. I'm not the brightest of sparks when it comes to drugs, as I've never been around it. So I had a chat with his sister who said what they were. So I started collecting them and after 2 weeks we had enough evidence to pull him. He lied saying they were old bags.

Waited a few days found more pulled him again he lied but we were ready for the lies as we ordered tests off line. All hell broke loose he shouted and screamed at us. I walked out stopping talking to him for 2 weeks until he wanted to be truthful.

He told me he had been using for 10 years here and there and that he became dependent on it and he would stop. I also learned at that time that he owed 5k in debts to loan companies due to buying the drugs and trying to gamble to get money to pay his bills. He lived with his sister so he had to pay her rent etc. He went to the GP and got referred for help. They told him he needed other help as their service doesn't support drug addiction.

I don't think he was 100% honest with the GP.

Got to December found out he continuing to use christmas was shit was i worried nonstop and i was getting stressed at this point. He owed another 4k out so you can imagine his useage.

I needed to talk to someone so i rang my friends who are close to him told them what was going on they said that they took a loan out for him in October, 3k, but they were assuming it was for him moving on with his gambling they didn't know about the drugs until i told them... they were shocked.

Told him he needed to go to find help due to the severity nothing happened. The new year came he looked dreadful and still does today.

Me and his sister got in contact with various support groups, reach out recovery are crap, no support at all but i found AA they were great with him. He missed a few meetings at first but that was because he wasn't interested. His useage went down but he was still using.

Got to April and had dealers messaging me saying he owed money dunno how they knew me but obviously through him. Confronted him, said he relapsed, all i could see was that he hadn't tried. He begged for help, me being me I helped pay his debts and this continued till August 3rd.

He was getting help but the damage had been done previous to the relationship i was looking at a family start and i have no idea who i was dating all that time.

Did he love me? Did he cheat on me? These are the things now that run through my mind because what ever he says to me i don't believe him.

I did everything for him, paid his bills, loans, clothed him, days out, food, took him to all his AA meetings and holidays and what for?? Heart break after.

The reason i got free was because dealers were threatening to come to my house were i lived with my family, so it was the addict or them.

There has not been a day that has gone past in the last 4 weeks where i haven't thought of him. We messaged, he has been distant which i assume is the drugs and addiction.

He not a bad person but my family won't accept it now after what i had been put through.

I miss him and it breaks my heart thinking that he will move on but i cant keep living like that. My family tells me i will move on i got a great job so i need to concentrate on each day.

But loving and leaving an addict is hard.

There!

Comments for I was once in love with a heroin addict continued...

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Thank you!
by: Anonymous

Wow, thank you so much for sharing. I am grief stricken from the addict I love and realize that him not contacting me and doing his thing (and honestly I don't even know what he's into now), but I know it was heroin but it's not alcohol and probably women now too. Because of all the dishonesty who knows what else he is doing.

All I know is that I am not his number one nor number two priority. I am zero priority. He and his addiction rank first and he's selfish and has taken advantage of my goodness and wow it hurts like anything to be rejected.

I see the hand of God rescuing me because of what I see from your posts and others. It's a lifelong issue of dysfunction and unless they truly surrender and give up all the things that cause them to stumble it will never work. I feel like a fool but it's only been a few months for me.

Thank you so much - God bless you and the people posting and God bless the addicts in our lives may they find true true freedom and those who love then find peace.
My husband is a heroin addict!
by: Anonymous

Everything you have mentioned in your story is absolutely right. I have been married for 2 and half years my husband has been a heroin addict since a year or maybe more, but I knew it last year.

My situation is different because he went to rehab for 3 days. He told me while I was at work before he checked into rehab 2 hours. His mum and his uncle and himself didn't tell me which type of drugs he was talking. They told me Tramadol but as I was the last one to know about the rehab. I had no time to process everything.

Then after he checked out of rehab no one told me until the next day. His mum called me and told me he went out yesterday of rehab and take money from her to get HEROIN. Then I felt as I was in an action movie, like, is it real?

Then I called him and he was crying. I told him calm down and go home till I finished my work and come home. Then the biggest drama had started, he stopped heroin by replacing it with Tramadol and keep on like that for a month I guess.

Then I found out he took money from his mum but she didn't tell me. Then I started to notice that after I'd go to work, he immediately would go out to buy a heroin. Then I confronted him and he was shouting and screaming at me. Then I told him it isn't a big deal just tell me then we can see together what we can do, I took him to a doctor and the doctor told him you have to be the one who wants to quit heroin not coz of anyone else.

The next day he went to buy a heroin as if nothing was said with the doctor. Then I told him we can go to rehab just for withdrawal symptoms and stay a few days to be clean and come back home. He told no coz he had a very bad experience at rehab every time he was taking money and tell me I will use the same way and take Tramadol to quit heroin, but he can't.

All this drama has been in my life for more than a year then I told him you have to leave the home I really did my best and his mum and his family are blaming me coz I was knowing that he was taking and didn't force him, they don't wanna believe me when I told them no one can force him to stop but himself. They made a fun of me. Then his mum doesn't wanna take him and I called her and told her I can't take it anymore. Guess what she said and did ... She told me okay send him to me but there is nothing between you and him anymore. She told me that I left him in the hardest time. After all I did even though she said that he was still in my home and didn't leave but he called her to ask for money then she told him come at night to take it.

I was worried when she told him that but he didn't listen to me. He went to her and found people were waiting for him in the street to take him to rehab be forcing him.

Then his aunt called me to tell me he is at a rehab and prepare his clothes and they didn't wanna tell me which rehab or even give my a phone number to check on him as am if I'm a dog not his wife. All that coz I said I can't take it anymore for your info my health was really bad and my weight is 42 K.

I couldn't send him to rehab by this way coz he is a man and 33 years old. His and his family are keeping telling me he was okay when he married you, why he became a heroin addict. I swear of God it has nothing to do with me I even don't smoke.
Please i need advise! Please tell me what you think!
by: Anonymous

I was in love with an addict few years ago. With him i felt alive and full of energy. If there was something i had to do (get on with my studies, cook, clean) I'd do it with a lot of energy because he was just so handsome!

He was my first love and my first everything else. With time I could see a personality disorder but i was ready to stick to it because i believe all men have faults and he was the only one so far for whom i was ready to fight.

After we started quarreling heavily i could see he had a reality distortions, like he couldn't judge properly things. To give you an example, i could cook great but if he came home and saw i didn't clean under the table he would get mad and start believing i wasn't wedding material or a good girl.

He liked me a lot and had a lot of passion towards me but if his friends would tell him that they did not like me, he would start thinking i was wrong cos his friends must be right. They persuaded him to leave me and i cried all my tears. This was just the beginning!!

He came back and forth so many times. Each time he left, i believed with all my self he would never come back due to all abusive talk and then when he would come back crying, with all the best intentions saying i was the girl to marry. I let him do this. He was the only one for me. But then something would always happen.

He couldn't cope with my faults although they are regular ones. When he left me the last time another girl came. She did everything possible to get him , she took 6 months to win him over and his friends were all pushing him to get cos she liked to drink and get drunk whereas i didn't...
What works and what doesn't from the addict perspective.
by: Anonymous

Hello folks,

This is a very serious topic and I'm going through this right now. I am a 5 year addict. I was fighting in MMA and got my face broken had to get serious surgery and ended up on the fentanol patch.

After a couples years I got off that and the street drug form of it. Thank God. I had to get the guy making it busted which freed a lot of people. I however ended up on heroin which was safer at the time. I stayed like that to run my business which makes millions for 3 years. My then complacent wife I was living with was just as angry as I.

Then I met my soul mate. She was 8 years clean off cocaine and had walked through addiction and came out spiritual and truthful which I wanted. So I left my former life and followed her and listened to her. She said love could save me. I went from smoking 2 quarters a day to nearly nothing in a few months but the stress of business kept me bouncing between using and a light methadone dose.

I was scared of the methadone addiction. I bought 100 bottles of methadone and she dumped it out. She always tossed my dope even at the risk of me freaking out. In the end we moved 1 hour out of the city. I gained 25 lbs of muscle and do productive activities every day but sometimes I have to go back to the city for business and my ex who is involved in my business then I relapse. And my gf fond out every time I can't hide it.

Now I have watched her walk in front of this drug 10 times in 9 months to save me. Now I am leaving the country and gathering all my inner strength to fight this. I want to say this that with out love and a pictured future you will have a hard time beating this.

I hate the drug and it's control but it is a choice and you have to make the right one every moment of the day. So it is possible, I've seen it and I am sorry to every person who has loved someone like me but with out love and compassion it is near impossible. Just remember that.

Also, I have lied and disappeared multiple times to go cure my current mental state with drugs at her expense. I have wrestled drugs from her but always let her take em and flush em. She has been through hell. My family has been through hell.

I love her enough to try my hardest. Environment has a lot to do with it so you can't get better in the same environment. I've quit a lot of other substances this is the hardest and I always have hope and know that 3 to 6 months away will allow me to beat this which I have had from other drugs and never went back. At some point you must decide if this is possible. And watch out for yourself first.
Sounds like you suffered from a lot of abuse.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear "Please i need advise",

You seem to have allowed yourself to be abused by this man. I recommend you develop you own life and learn to set better boundaries for what is allowable behavior and treatment of you and what is not.

All of his negative behavior seems to be over the line and out of bounds. You should try to find a relationship that is balanced and healthy based on mutual respect. Not abuse and control.

Debbie
Gf smoking
by: Anonymous

I have dated my gf for 4 years and we just had a birthday party for her August 26th. I have a loving family and good job. My girlfriend never worked for two and a half years because she was a high school drop out. Our first two years was a struggle and I tried everything to make it work. I guess I should have known then what I know now.

She has a 7 year old son who she hasn't seen in two years for all I know, but her ex(kids father) for idea her to see him unless she goes there alone...

And when I met her for the first time she was dating her ex's best friend... I never thought much about because this girl threw herself at me and I thought she was the cutest thing ever in my Life.... I was 385lbs when I met her now I'm 250lbs, 6ft4, and she never cared how I looked which made me have so much confidence I never knew I had before.

The third year of our relationship she was trying to get her high school diploma and told me she graduated(2 credit short she never did) and all of us my family included were so proud. She then worked at a thrift shop for two months before quitting and then another thrift shop and quit around 2 and a half months.

About three months ago I noticed money missing from my wallet, and our laptop was missing. I asked her where our laptop went and she said her cousin borrowed it and she's so grateful for "us" lending it to her. About three weeks after the laptop was missing and a bit more money in my wallet we had an argument and I wanted to know what's going on. She told me her cousin has it and to calm down babe nothing's going on.

That week I had to work out of town, so I put in my week out of town and come home with dinner to surprise my gf. It was a Thursday, so I assumed she was with her cousin "hanging out" but midnight hits still no word from her.... I begin to get worried and start calling her cousin but she doesn't know where she is.

I somehow managed to sleep and wake up Friday, don't see or here from her all day, then Saturday comes no word so I finally called her cousin again and said I'm about to put out a missing persons report(I was worried sick). Of course with that being said I find out she's with her friend and safe. So I'm thinking ok she's cheating on me clearly....

So I finally msg her on Facebook and get a response, "I'm not cheating on you with anyone, just with a drug(crack)". I cried I was heartbroken and couldn't believe it.

So she decided to call me 2:30am Sunday morning missing me but high as hell and I never heard her sound so frail in my life, like an old lady on the phone. I said where are you can I see you and she said yeah so I drive to town 20mins and wait in a fast food parking lot for an hr, she shows but twitching and so high I've never seen her like that ever...

She never told me where she was or who she was with but I didn't care she was with me again I thought. I bought her a burger and she was up
and down for hrs mad at me happy at me and finally slept at 7am until 6pm. I told her she can't do this to herself and she needs rehab and she agreed only our rehab was moving out of our apartment to my parents because my parents were just as worried.

So a month passed and like the top earlier we had her birthday and she got money in cards $250. I had to work Monday out of town and I went thinking everything's perfect... Boy was I wrong, it's now Thursday, 5am my parents haven't seen her since Monday and I haven't talked to her since 3 this afternoon.

I've learned to accept the fact I've been through this once already how can I keep going through this.... If anyone has advice on what I should do please say, I've already broke all contact with her and deleted my Facebook and all pics of her on my phone....
Get support for yourself.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear "Please i need advise!",

I think going to Al-anon meetings and connecting with others who are struggling with addiction in their loved ones would be really beneficial for you as a way to navigate through this very difficult time.

Once you're attending Al-anon, begin working the 12-steps and finding a sponsor who has been where you're at right now.

Try to stay strong,

Debbie
Step son an addict
by: Anonymous

I have a step son who is 22 years old and that is an addict of some kind. Don't know if he is doing heroin or not. He has been staying messed up on a daily basis. He lives with me and my husband.

Recently we went through his room and found a large amount of cash, gold coins and silver dollars, new watches and other items. I also found some synthetic stuff that had been used.

He doesn't work, sleeps, eats our food, goes out anytime he wants, comes home anytime he wants and is stoned most of the time. He has never paid for any of his up keep. He is facing a felony charge for which he was arrested, but, my husband paid his bail.

This young man has cried crocodile tears for years to my husband and his mother. He has begged chances after chances for help and a place to stay. Each time both giving in.

I am at the end of my rope! He continues to stay stoned and does nothing around the house to contribute. He wants money, shelter and food from us while he is out getting stoned!

What can I do? I love my husband very much. I love his son too, but, I am the only one who sees his true colors. My husband says that it is hard to see your child out on the streets.

I can't make him see that his child is making his decision to be that way and as long as we supply shelter and food and giving him money on top of that, we are giving him the drugs he needs to stay high.

He will do good for a couple of weeks, after that, he falls right back into his drugs. And if it isn't his way, it is no way. We have offered to pay for a 14 month rehab program in which he told his dad that it was too long.

My husband finds another for 30 days that he will go to, in Florida. I don't feel 30 days is long enough. My step son expects his father to bail him out every time.

How can I get my husband to see that he shouldn't be doing this? It has caused a bridge between our marriage which makes me very sad.

Please help!!

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