by adrienne

(indiana)

I’m a very young, single, mother of 2. I was in beauty college when I had my first experience with pain killers.

I never thought of myself as an individual who would do drugs..or someone who could become an addict. I was married for 2 yrs to an alcoholic and it ruined our marriage as a result.

We had been divorced for over a year when I started falling into a deep depression. I lived on my own in a small apartment and on the weekends when my son went with my ex-husband, I went out with my close friends.

None of them were “druggies”. I’m not even really sure why any of us starting experimenting taking pills. I think we were all going through a really hard time in our lives and we thought “what the hell, why not try something to take the edge off?” other than our occasional drinking.

I loved the euphoric feeling opiates gave me. I had a lot of insecurities that I didn’t have when I took them. It seemed to mask my problems.

I bought them wherever I could get them from people I knew and it quickly escalated into a bit of a habit. Though it wasn’t something I couldn’t stop if i felt the need.

Now, when I remember that thought going through my head, I wish I would have listened. I wasn’t stupid and I knew they were very easy to become addicted to. Still, I continued to take them since they seemed like the only thing that comforted me.

Then, in the spring of the following year, during the few months I was seeing a guy I knew, I found out I was pregnant. I knew all the pills I was consuming couldn’t be good, considering I was pregnant and I slowed down to nearly nothing.

Although, I didn’t accept being pregnant and knew it was the last thing i needed at this time in my life, I dealt w it as best as I could and made an appointment with my ob/gyn.

The pregnancy was grueling and the longest 9 months of my life. I had morning sickness almost everyday until my 7 or 8 month. I had also withdrawn from beauty college due to this. In march, my daughter was born, healthy and perfect.

We went home after 2 days and went back to our normal schedule. When she was just 3 weeks though, I came down with severe mastitis and was put on some pretty strong pain meds for the pain.

Once again, the addiction crept up on me. And everyday since then has been a struggle. I’ve relapsed several times, endured terrible withdrawals, and it has eaten me alive ever since.

It has completely taken over my life. My daughter is now 8 months old and I’m on my second day of detox. I know, doesn’t sound very promising but if possible, I need to overcome this problem. If not for me, for my kids. I never once saw my life heading in this direction.