I SHOULD’VE BEEN DEAD…
by Jessica
(Washington, Mo)
My name is Jessica and I’m a recovering HEROIN addict. I started drinking when I was 14, eventually became a really big stoner.
It went from that to acid, shrooms and micro dots, then cocaine and by the time I turned 18, barley graduated from highschool..I got introduced to Heroin, I started out making it with a grinder, got bored with that and a “friend” wanted to show me how it felt to shoot up, from there it was all downhill for the next 7yrs.
I was the biggest clepto anyone could ever meet, that’s how I supported my habit. Stealing anything valuable that I thought could make some money. I stole and robbed my own family. I ran the streets and lived either out of my car or in hotels, abandon buildings, hospital ER’s, anywhere to stay warm.
I was so strung out and discusting looking, my own family didnt recognize me. My arms were so tracked up and I had infected absests, I was a walking zombie. Eventually I started smoking crack just for somethin else to do with the dope. I ended up shooting it up about 6 times.
Through all this I have 12 felonies on my record, I’ve been to prision 2 times, first the 120 treatment then 2nd time I did 2yrs, I’ve been to rehab about 10 times, went through detox about 4 or 5 times.
After the 2yrs in prision something cliqued in my head that I had to change my life, I have to stop hurting not only myself but the ones that truely loved me. I said for the very last time…I’M DONE. And when I said it, believe me, I can’t count how many times I said it before… I meant that with all my heart. And today, I am going on 7yrs clean, I got off parole, finally, no ties to the police feels so good, no warrents, no arrests, no court, no judges, P.O.’s..I’m actually free.
I came a long way, have done and seen things that still today nobody knows, but all I can say is that if you WANT it bad enough, you CAN do it, because I did.
It’s not easy, it controls every part of your mind. It seems like its the only thing you can think about. But I’m telling you I’m living proof…you can get away from Heroin and never look back.
|
WOW
Ashley |
|
I should’ve been dead
Dear Jessica-Thanks so much for your story. I can really relate to a lot of what you said. My son who is 27 is a drug addict. We have been through SO MUCH in the last 13 years. There were many times he could have died, too- with overdoses, car accidents, etc.. For all those years I enabled him and was a co-dependent-helping him in any way I could. He also stole from me but I always thought, “Oh well, he’ll change” after this and that would happen. I kept having hope and doing the wrong things. Now I am in recovery myself. I go to Al Anon meetings which are great, go to a counselor, talk to my minister and see a physician’s assistant. He, unfortunately, is in jail right now. He says he is determined to get clean. I hope and pray that he does. HOWEVER, I have stopped helping him – the only thing I do is write to him. I found out from Al Anon that by helping him I was actually hurting him because he was not experiencing all of the consequences of his behavior. I have turned my life over to God and give every day to him. This is working. So, please stay clean and I’m going to send a copy of your story to my son – your story is sad in the beginning but ENCOURAGING in the end. Keep up the good work and I’ll pray for you-Lynette |