I have used drugs my whole life but was able to keep myself in check and support my family. I had a wife and a daughter and a great social life. That all ended when my wife left me for my best friend and then took me to the cleaners in court. I live in New Jersey and there is this whole no fault clause in divorce here.
After that I went into a tailspin and met a girl I started dating about 3 months after moving out of my house. We started doing heroin together, she had never used dope before but quickly became addicted and I followed right along and became an addict as well. It was easy because I was hurting so bad from what my wife did to me, I was desperate for the love of a woman. I always needed a girl in my life to feel validated.
After 1 year of using I lost my job and my ex wife found out I was using and wouldn't let me see my daughter anymore. Then after another year the girl I was dating left me and I was all alone. I found work here and there but could barely afford much dope and have been constantly sick, but I still could not get clean.
I ended up getting kicked out of the place I was staying and now my dog is in a kennel that I work part time in so they hold him for me and I'm living with my mom and her husband and I'm not allowed to bring my dog here. I still cannot get free from this addiction.
I have tried rehab and suboxone and methodone and I go about 3 days sick and then get a couple bags and feel ok for a day but I don't even get high. I'm so depressed from losing everything and i feel weak all the time. I can't hold down a job because I'm sick all the time. I'm in so much debt, I owe tons of money in child support and I'm all alone except for my mother and her husband and they think I've kicked my habit.
This drug has such a hold on me. I was a happy person and a good person before my ex wife destroyed my life and sent me into this depression. I don't know what to do and feel like life is over for me. I know that I can still take my life back but for some reason I just don't and I just want to lay on the floor and die.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8