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Lost everything and turned to herion


(New Jersey)

I have used drugs my whole life but was able to keep myself in check and support my family. I had a wife and a daughter and a great social life. That all ended when my wife left me for my best friend and then took me to the cleaners in court. I live in New Jersey and there is this whole no fault clause in divorce here.

After that I went into a tailspin and met a girl I started dating about 3 months after moving out of my house. We started doing heroin together, she had never used dope before but quickly became addicted and I followed right along and became an addict as well. It was easy because I was hurting so bad from what my wife did to me, I was desperate for the love of a woman. I always needed a girl in my life to feel validated.

After 1 year of using I lost my job and my ex wife found out I was using and wouldn't let me see my daughter anymore. Then after another year the girl I was dating left me and I was all alone. I found work here and there but could barely afford much dope and have been constantly sick, but I still could not get clean.

I ended up getting kicked out of the place I was staying and now my dog is in a kennel that I work part time in so they hold him for me and I'm living with my mom and her husband and I'm not allowed to bring my dog here. I still cannot get free from this addiction.

I have tried rehab and suboxone and methodone and I go about 3 days sick and then get a couple bags and feel ok for a day but I don't even get high. I'm so depressed from losing everything and i feel weak all the time. I can't hold down a job because I'm sick all the time. I'm in so much debt, I owe tons of money in child support and I'm all alone except for my mother and her husband and they think I've kicked my habit.

This drug has such a hold on me. I was a happy person and a good person before my ex wife destroyed my life and sent me into this depression. I don't know what to do and feel like life is over for me. I know that I can still take my life back but for some reason I just don't and I just want to lay on the floor and die.

Comments for Lost everything and turned to herion

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There is ALWAYS hope!
by: Debbie Wicker

Wow, your description of your existence is very tragic, and dealing with an unwanted divorce can be one of the most emotionally challenging and devastating problems we will ever face.

From what you've said, you want to get your life back on track and to begin moving forward but just don't know how to do it. Somehow the heroin has taken over your life and there doesn't seem to be anything else available for you.

Heroin attacks your brain and takes over all of the pleasure centers. Your ex-wife devastated your life and then heroin moved right in. You need to rewire your brain if you're ever get out from under the grip of heroin.

I'm a trained counselor and deal with many, many people who are divorced, miserable and addicted to drugs. The only people I've seen regain their lives go to 12-step meetings and begin to sincerely work the 12-steps.

From what you've said, you're willing to change and you're truly wanting to changing but you don't know where to turn to get the change that you need. I'm telling you the best way to get your life back is to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and WORK the 12-steps.

The fourth step can help you to understand what you've done and what has been done to you and learn how to accept it. But in order to get to the fourth step you NEED to do the first three steps and connect with a power higher than yourself to help return you to sanity.

I know you think you've tried everything but have you truly tried and committed to working the 12 steps and going to meetings daily? There are lots of people there who have been where you're at and re-trained their brain so that they no longer use drugs as a medicine to heal their pain.

Please find meetings and begin going and working the steps. Don't worry about anything else, just worry about regaining your identity without heroin and connecting with others who know what you're going through.

Good luck,

Debbie

Reply to lost everything to herion.
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry that you experienced the pain and depression that often comes with divorce. My divorce also sent me into a tailspin of deep depression. I soon started self-medicating and eventually became a heroin addict. I also abused other street drugs for many years.

I tried methadone maintenance for a few years. However after being slowly weened off I relapsed because I was not working a program of recovery. I understand what it is like to have a good life and to lose everyhing. But I want to share the good news with you.

After I surrendered and detoxed under medical supervision I went to a treatment program and then a halfway house. This afforded me the time to work the program of Narcotics Anonymous and work the steps. I learned what was happening inside of me. How to live again without self-medicating and how to build healthy relationships.

No one thought I would turn around. But God gave me the gift of recovery and life is good. I am a much better person thanks to the insight I was given through the program and the steps.

Give yourself a chance. You can have a new life. I suggest you do a medical detox for a short period with Suboxone and check into a treatment program. Find a sponsor and work the steps. The meetings are wonderful, you will find lots of support. Follow through and get help for your your depression. County programs can help if money is a issue. Good Luck to you, God Bless. T.

take some responsibility
by: Anonymous

Hundreds of thousands of people face divorce. It is not easy but there is usually two sides to the story. The bottom line is that the partnership is over and one must adjust to a new life. This can be done without illegal drugs or a pathetic reference to a God.

Take responsibility!

Methadone
by: Kimberley

Cheer up. Life is what u make it. U need to try methadone again. Trust me after a few days u will start to feel much better.

Life almost destroyed
by: Anonymous

Awwwh. Sorry. Hugs.

Sorry
by: Richard

I am sorry for your loss.

You havent lost everything
by: Anonymous

You havent lost everything because you still have your life. Keep trying to get clean keep fighting the monster that you willingly invited into your life. Keep teying becausre one time you will be successful.

The easy part is the detox the hard part comes after that. This is when you need support from other recovering addicts. Please dont give up as you have a daughter that will seek you out when she is older. When this time comes you need to be healthy an able to explain what went wrong but more than that you will be able to tell her what you did to change it around. Keep trying.

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