by: Debbie Wicker

I’m so very sorry that you and your husband are in such a desperate situation:((

I’m hoping that you are attending Al-anon meetings and learning about the DANGERS to your husband of enabling his addiction in ANY way.

If you “pick him up at 3:00 am” you could be helping to enable his action. Many people have to go to jail or become homeless to begin to realize that they MUST stop using.

If you buffer him in any way from feeling the consequences of his addiction you’re not really helping him and you could be hurting him.

I would recommend you do an intervention and lay out the consequences for him if he continues to use. Including kicking him out of the house and calling the police to have him arrested for illegal drug possession. Then you have to follow through on these actions.

Sometimes when a person hits rock bottom they wake up and change. But only if they hit rock bottom.

Addiction changes the brain and suppresses your husband normal reactions and some how you have to make his situation so bad that he can see past his addiction. If he can’t then you must no longer support him in any way until he quits using.

You have to define a life for yourself and stop feeling any consequences from his addiction. He, as most addicts do, has made HIS problem YOUR problem and you can change that starting today. By doing so you are likely helping both you and him to survive.

There is ALWAYS hope and may God Bless you and your husband!

by: Anonymous

I read your letter and I see myself possibly going down that same road. I am not married to him but I have invested 8 months so far. He has relapsed twice since I’ve been with him.

He is now in a 60 day program.He told me he is sorry and doesn’t want me to leave him. I am confused, angry, hurt, guilty and I still love him. I want to support him emotionally but I am not sure what to do.

Each day it gets easier not seeing or talking to him. Do you go to any support groups? If you do, do they help? I want to understand this sickness.

I will pray for you and your family because it’s the only thing we do have control of.

Thank you and God bless you!

by: Anonymous

I’ve been married 8 years. First 6 years was to an alcoholic and it was so volatile. Then he quit drinking. One week ago I left him.

2 months ago he started drinking again. I’m not sure why. But one week ago I went to sleep a happily married woman and was woken up in the middle of the night by a husband who has harassed and scared an entire town.

I love him so much, sober he’s a wonderful husband and father, but my children come first so we moved out. During this past week I realized he has drained our bank account, leaving me and the kids with nothing.

Support from friends have helped. But they don’t realize that I love the good guy not the drugged guy…. He’s now taking pills and whatever other drug is out there, and I just wish he would get help. For his sake and his children’s sake.

Whatever you decide may God guide you.

Best wishes!

by: Anonymous

I know exactly what you are going through because I am married to a crack addict. I want to say my situation is not as bad as yours because I don’t go get him at three in the morning because he smokes in our home.

I know that I am enabling him by allowing this but I have put it in God’s hand and made the decision to leave as soon as I have the money which should be very soon. My husband has not sold our stuff. He likes having nice things and he thinks as long as he contributes to the household its ok for him to get high.

I get confused sometimes because I think there are people’s situation not as bad as mine like yours but I have to tell myself that using drugs especially in our home is BAD.

My husband is 54 yrs old and has been using for probably 30 yrs. i just hope i have the strength to leave like i plan to.

by: Anonymous

I have been with the same man since I was 17 years old. We have been together now 15yrs with two children. We had a great relationship for the first 10yrs until he was hurt on the job and became addicted to pain pills.

When that happened I was in denial myself for the first year or two. Then he began stealing thousands of dollars from me over the course of time, credit cards, and so forth. He stated he could quit on his own and didn’t need rehab. He would quit for a couple months and then he was back to his old ways.

I was checking phone records, making threats and so forth. Our friends and family had no idea as he worked as usual and I never spoke a word. I bought a locked box and began locking up my wallet and credit cards. He was a good dad and never walked around our home high or around our family like that or so that anyone could tell i should say. He is a functioning addict.

Finally, he decided that he needed help but he has been saying this for months now but has only made baby steps into doing what he needs to do. I am totally beside myself. I do love him but cant live the rest of my life with a secret burden as its just to big to do alone anymore. He admits when he uses and tells me but it doesn’t make it better. I cant get clean for him as he has to do it himself.

Some days I feel sorry for myself and look at my friends lives and know they don’t have the same cross to bear and I wish I were them. I have dealt with so much heart ache and pain the last several years. The person I love is still in there I see him often but my fear is he will totally disappear.

I don’t know if this will help anyone I just needed to vent to other people that know what I am going through. I am so ashamed of his add88iction as we live in a very small christian community and don’t wont people to know as my children have to go to school around here.

I am always wondering what the best solution is. I feel like if I leave him then I have given up on him. He is such a good father and his children love him so much. He is very active in their activities as well. Addiction is the root of all evil.

by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Undecided,

Please consider going to Al-anon meetings and working the 12 steps. Going to meetings and working the steps will help you to learn how to love the addict but HATE his addiction.

Your husband needs help and must go into treatment and also start working the 12 steps in order to get free of the disease of addiction. His addiction is attacking his brain and causing him to do things he would never do without the addiction.

If you go to meetings and learn how to help him to help himself, you can get your husband back.

Good Luck,

Debbie

by: Anonymous

My husband was an athlete, and strong man. We got married fourteen yrs ago. The only problem i had with him was that he was aggressive and couldn’t control his anger and anxiety.

About five years ago every thing changed. I found him smoking opium and he denied it and said i just wanted to get attention. That was the starting point.

He used to leave the house in the morning and come back 1:00 am. We didn’t talk…have fun… no relationship with our relatives and friends… didn’t have even have dinner or any meal to together at all…

The days were the same..i was depressed..helpless ..hopeless..didn’t want even to see my parents… he used to say you weren’t a good wife and that’s why i became addict…

It’s two weeks that i left his house. I’m in my parents house. I feel sad..hopeless and guilty. Where ever i go and see i remember the happy moments i had with him. I don’t know if i should go back or leave him for ever?

by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Please Help,

Here is the same advice I gave to a previous question and I believe you need to do exactly the same thing:

You need to take action to save your husband!

Please consider going to Al-anon meetings and working the 12 steps. Going to meetings and working the steps will help you to learn how to love the addict but HATE his addiction.

Your husband needs help and must go into treatment and also start working the 12 steps in order to get free of the disease of addiction. His addiction is attacking his brain and causing him to do things he would never do without the addiction.

If you go to meetings and learn how to help him to help himself, you can get your husband back.

Good Luck,

Debbie