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my husband is an addict and i was wondering if there is anything i can do to help?

by phyllis

(new york)

My husband is a drug addict and he has been falling backwards off and on for awhile. We have been married since 2006 and I worry about him.

It had gotten to the point that he would use whatever it was that he could get his hands on to get the high. I’m afraid that one day he is going to overdose. I want to be able to help him the best that I can but I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand all of this and I don’t know when he is lying to me about the fact of if he is doing anything or not.

I want to trust him more then anything but it is hard because he has lied to me about this so much. I want our marriage back to the way that it used to be. Please if you could help me with this it would be a big help.

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Must get him into treatment otherwise things will only get worse

by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Phyllis,

Addiction is a progressive brain disease, left untreated it is usually fatal. You need to learn as much as you can as quickly as possible so you can help your husband to end his addiction.

When a person becomes addicted their brain changes and limits their ability to realize that they are being controlled by the drug. Your husband has lost the ability to understand how damaging the drugs are to him. That’s why addiction is such a difficult disease to treat. He will do anything to satisfy what his brain is telling him he NEEDS! That’s why he lies to you because he MUST have the drug!

There is hope and when your husband stops using he will change back to the person you know and love because his brain will change back. The problem is he must stop using for this to happen and his brain is blocking him for realizing how serious his problem is.

He must get into detox and treatment and you should consider doing an intervention to get him into treatment. Call your local hospital and ask them to refer you to a good treatment center that can help you to do an intervention for your husband.

Visit that treatment center and find a good interventionist to help you. Listen to what they say and do everything they tell you to do. They can help you get your husband into treatment.

Good Luck,

Debbie

thanks

by: phyllis

I want to thank you for that bit of advice. I love him and I don’t want to loose him. I don’t know if I will be able to handle the lies and him deceiving me much longer. I can take the lies but he is my world other then my kids and grand kids.

He has been clean for a bit that is if he is telling me the truth about that. I don’t really know the signs to look for and it bothers me because if I don’t know how can I help him if he doesn’t tell me the truth about whether he is using or not.

Is there any signs that I should be looking for that may be different then he normally is. The last time that he used I didn’t know because he was acting normal and when I found out I couldn’t believe that I was that much in the dark of what was going on.

May be hard to tell when he is using

by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Phyllis,

Because the brain changes to “adapt” to the drug, it is often almost impossible to tell when and if someone is using. The body and brain change to “accommodate” the drug so that a person using may appear more “normal” then when they are using. Withdrawal often sets in quickly so that the person not using looks terrible.

Alcoholics look awful and get terrible shakes when they aren’t drinking and often look fine when they have been using.

Your doctor can give him a drug test that will tell you if he has been using and there are also home tests available.

Normally the best way to tell is to watch the money that is being spent. To help him, you may have to get complete control of ALL of the money so you will know if he is spending money that can’t be accounted for. Also, watch valuable household possessions, he will be willing to sell anything to get drugs.

Consider working with your doctor to get him the help he needs. If your husband refuses you may have to take more drastic steps to avoid enabling his addiction.

Good Luck,

Debbie

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