My Mother was a junkie prostitute

by Jasmine


My mother gave birth to me at 19, she was already using heroin, speed, weed, prescription pills, the lot. Therefore, when I was born I immediately went into withdrawals and had an agonizing first 3 months of life.

My dad was a truck driver who was unlucky enough to give her a ride. He is a good man, their affair never went further than about a week but he continued to pay child support up until I was 18. I have met him twice as he lives interstate and has a wife and 2 other girls.

My grandmother (THANKFULLY) took me off my mother at 7 months old, fought her in court and won full custody of me (Mum wasn’t at the hearing, she was stoned).
However I have always had regular contact with my mother, and every memory of her up until 18 (when she finally got clean) is of her being so drugged up that she would fall asleep anywhere; driving (had at least 15 car accidents – some with me in the car), out in public, she once fell asleep in her driveway after bending down to find her keys in her handbag and I found her half an hour later.

It was disgusting, the pin-prick pupils and chatty brown rings around her mouth from constant dribbling because she was just so stoned ALL the time. I saw her inject many times, saw her overdose, witnessed so many fights and unsuccessful relationships, I have seen my mum bashed, been hit myself by one of her junkie boyfriends…it was never ending – and I didn’t even live with her!

She was a prostitute for about 15 years (started when I was about 2) which just fueled the addiction because of the environment. She has served 6 different jail terms related to theft – to support her habit.

But anyway – I’m used to that. That’s the card I was dealt and I’ve had 21 years to stew on it. My main issue is how this whole situation is manifesting itself in me.
Up until about 15 I was pretty good, then I started smoking weed and shoplifting, I have never been in trouble with the law. At 18 I got a boyfriend who introduced and subsequently got me addicted to speed. We broke up about 3 months ago and I have not touched speed, but have moved onto Meth and am taking heaps of valium, xanax and sedatives to sleep at night.

I try to maintain my daily life I go to work 9-5 I have a respectable job but my head is constantly in crisis. I have identity problems – I don’t know who I am or how I feel or what I want. It’s a constant battle inside my head to keep doing drugs until I feel I have a problem (I honestly don’t at the moment, just recently started getting into meth) or to avoid it altogether and live a clean life.

I’m also promiscuous – I’ve had sex with strangers, friends boyfriends more than once, I am currently sleeping with one at the moment.

I’ve been prescribed anxiety/depression meds but would rather get my head fixed than rely on them because withdrawal from them is worse than speed and meth combined!

Somebody just comment, suggestions, guidance, advice, similar experiences, anything will help me get my head around my life and perhaps help me sort through my issues.

Everyone says they are so proud because I finished school, did uni, now working full time but if only they knew how hard I am fighting to NOT follow in my mother’s footsteps…

Please read

by: Linda

Lord Jesus is on your side. Call to him right now, where ever you are. HE is so powerful to get you out of what you feel. Call to Him. He loves you, a true genuine love.

Trust me, Your life will change. Just call out ‘Jesus I want you, I need you’ …what have you got to loose. He will never disappoint you. Thank you for reading. Linda

You Can Overcome

by: Ned Wicker

Dear Jasmine,

There are many components to substance use disorder, not the least of which is genetics. You are your mother’s daughter. Growing up, watching her ruin her life, jeopardize her health and give her self to men who don’t love her has done little to help you avoid being just like her. It’s like the cards were dealt from the bottom of the deck and you got a terrible hand.

You seem to know what’s going on, yet you seem destined to repeat all of the misery and pain. That is the nature of the disease. You know what’s going on, so why not take action and put yourself back on the path of a happy, productive life.

Instead of going to your doctor and just getting pills for depression, why not have an open and honest talk about the drug use and seek treatment?

If you do not want to be your mother, you can take proactive steps to rebuilding your life, but that means getting away from your user friends, getting away from the old haunts and it means trying to learn a new way to live your life.

Alcoholics Anonymous is an excellent organization that can help you. Many of their functions are open to drug users, but Narcotics Anonymous is specifically designed to help people just like you.

Either way, you need to establish new boundaries for yourself and work a 12 Step program, which not only helps you to manage your disease and keep from using, it will also help you reshape yourself, giving you a new lifestyle.

The best treatment for depression is a healthy self-image, which is what the 12 Step is all about.

There is no reason for you to live an unhappy life like your mom. But you need to take care of yourself, have respect for yourself and set some rules, boundaries and limitations.

Drugs and sex is a road to nowhere. Your story is moving and I sense that you are much more than the girl living on the dark side. Step out into the light, Jasmine, your future awaits.

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