Narcotic addict boyfriend, my first love

I met him when I wast 15 years old, and we lost touch for many years. Now i'm 23 and we met each other again. He was sweet, and nice, and picked up the pieces of my previous broken relationship. He made me trust again, and showed me what really love is, how a girl should really be treated.

I pushed him away so many times and he just kept trying and kept coming back. Finally we began a serious relationship. I was a few months in when he told me he was using narcotics. I didn't really understand what that meant- i had seen so many kids in college smoking weed and using molly and many other things so I was so naive. He asked to borrow money once or twice for random things and I sensed a problem but I still didn't do anything.

Eventually his parents found out and sent him away to a rehab program. We emailed each other as much as possible-he said he loved me and I loved him and he truly wanted to get his life on track.

Now he is out- but the thought of me fills his mind with terrible memories of him using and so he refuses to see or speak to me. It completely breaks my heart.

He said once he fully recovers and doesn't feel anxiety from the thought of seeing me he will. And he will make an amends with me for all the pain its caused me.

I'm scared he will get better and move on. I've sat here for weeks writing to him daily, attending NA meetings to educate myself (which he knows about) and doing everything I can do provide him support.

He's met with my best friend to just talk about what is going on, and I got him into contact with someone to help with his therapy. I would do anything for him but I'm scared he will never be able to see me again.

Comments for Narcotic addict boyfriend, my first love

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Only knows you as an addict
by: Debbie Wicker

Sadly, your boyfriend may associate you and your house with his addiction. Now that he is HOPEFULLY no longer using he may have to totally disconnect from everything in his prior life to be able to stay clean and sober. He is correct that his addiction can be triggered by going back to the environment he was in while he was using.

I would recommend that you respect his decision and allow him to contact you, when he feels ready and able to do so. Addiction is a disease of the brain that is left untreated is fatal. Your boyfriend is fighting for his life and MUST do everything necessary to avoid triggers that cause him to use.

Because he did not actually use with you he may be able to begin your relationship again but only when he is totally past his addiction, which usually takes at least one year of sobriety. It may also help if you move to a different location away from his old neighborhood.

Allow him the space he needs and at some point he may be strong enough to return to you. Trust that he is doing the best he can to end his terrible disease of addiction.

My concerns
by: Tina

Why can't I offer any help? I have so many questions and concerns. I want to do everything in my power to get him help and better. I want to fix all the mistakes I made when I ignored the warning signs and didn't take things as seriously as I should have. I know its not my fault- but I also did nothing when I suspected things were sketchy. I want to make it up to him, and fix what I did wrong.

Consider going to Al-anon meetings
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Tina,

There are things you can do to help your boy friend, but you must learn all you can about addiction first.

Please consider going to Al-anon meetings at least twice a week for three months to LEARN all you can about addiction and what you can do to help him. Al-anon is a 12 step program and you should begin to work the steps.

He is probably also in a 12 step program and you will be well positioned to communicate with him once you work the steps. Because the 12 step program is introspective it helps you to get a better understanding of what you are responsible for and also what he is responsible for.

Then you can decide if you should contact him again and what would be the appropriate way to reconnect with him.

Good Luck,

Debbie

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