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My story, MY addiction.
It all started when I was 11, yes 11 years old. My best friend had a plan we go to this abandoned house on my road. A dead end road where it was only me, my mom, my sister, living in a house – then my grandmother in a different house same road, but there just so happened to be a house beside mine that was abandoned and rotted out.
Anyways, the house had a window unit in it, and he says “we should steal that and take it to *****’s house and get some weed”. ***** was a 24 year old drug dealer/meth cooker I had known all my life, and keep in mind before finishing reading I was 11 years old and had no clue what weed was, what it looked like, or how you got a high from it.
So we get this window unit, go hop the fence and go to his house, we get there and ***** is ecstatic about the window unit, his wife seemed to be as well. So while him and my friend are talking about the drug price of the window unit I stood talking to his wife and 4 year old daughter.
So, he sends his daughter to his moms next door, and pulls out this bag of clear stuff a glass pipe, and a needle. Me, being the clueless 11 year old I was, was oblivious to what this drug I thought was weed was. I go on to tell him it’s my first time doing weed, he laughs, and says well this is how you should do it. Then he pulls out a needle and a spoon, cuts off the filter of a cigarette, and adds a little water and starts crushing this thing I though was weed into powder.
My friend, is in the bathroom the whole time, so ***** ties off my arm with a dirty shoe string and injects it into my vein. I felt nothing for about 2 whole minutes, my body went numb, and I had a rush like no other. I said “this is weed right?” He scoffs, and says “yeah if that’s what you wanna call it”.
My friend comes out, you can see the color of his skin fade as he sees what I had done. But, we left and he told me it was ice (crystal meth) . I didn’t care, hell I didn’t even know what that was then.
So, I stayed up off that one shot for at least 1 week, my mom and step dad had no clue. So, I proceeded to buy this ice from him, with or without my friend, I liked it, who am I kidding I loved it.
So, one day, he pulls up at my house (the drug dealer) and I walk out trying to rush him to leave before it raises suspicion from my mom and step dad, he says “hey! Is your step daddy here, he was suppose to come get this earlier?”, while waving at the time the biggest bag of ice I had seen. My step dad opens the door rushing out, when we both got inside he asked me not to tell my mom if he would get some for me. I agreed, I thought it was harmless.
So, years go by, my mom finds out my step dad is getting high after getting hurt at work and failing a drug test for methamphetamine and cocaine. She let it go, we all continue getting high, so I start dating a guy I met in school, and everything was good (I’m 15 years old at the time) well, my ex boyfriend comes back around and stays over.
Well, we quit seeing each other and about 4 months go by and I’ve been high as a kite I notice I’m getting big in my stomach area ; I was never over 100lbs, probably from not eating. I was curious, me and my mom go get a pregnancy test, and we’re both pregnant, I was 4 months. I was devastated, I was worried my child would have something wrong with her, I was confused. I quit doing drugs IMMEDIATELY.
I had my daughter, full term and perfectly healthy. I was so relieved, then her dad; (the ex I reconciled with earlier in the story) comes into the picture when she’s about 9 months old. I was 16.
Before he came around, my granny had a stroke, I got back on meth as soon as she was about 4 months old, and had gotten into a fight. Not just any ordinary fight, I beat her senseless, she was blind in one eye, and her nose and jaw were broke. She was on my property, causing an altercation, and I acted upon impulse from being high, I beat her and her mom.
They left, and later that week, my mom her new boyfriend and myself were high and she accuses me of stealing some of the drugs I paid for. Then pushes me starting a fight, I jumped on her breaking her nose. I left, I knew I was gonna go to jail, so I loaded up me and my daughter and hid at my new drug dealers house. I know, a terrible decision, but I was high.
So, the police are looking for me, and my granny tells me she’ll give me a trailer if I just come home. I came home, me and my daughter moved in and a few months later her dad moves in too. Me and him stayed high, had people in and out. Everything seemed right, until a Jones County deputy pulls up to take me to jail with warrants- breaking and entering of a dwelling, 2 counts of larceny, and 2 assault charges. While he’s walking back to his patrol car to call in my info, 3 more cars pull up, and then a blue SUV that had been driving past my house quiet frequently the past few weeks.
I go in lock the door, and wait for my granny to get my daughter, she gets there, and I pass my daughter to my granny and take off, bare foot, sports bra, the whole world. They catch me, mace me, and handcuff me and my daughters father. I spent 3 days in juvenile, and got out on probation. I got high as soon as I made it home.
This continued until about 6 months after I was 17. Then I was clean, hadn’t touched a thing, the day I turned 18 I left home and got married, and got back on meth. My marriage lasted 3 months to the hour. I was strung out staying in hotels with my boyfriend, and couldn’t see my daughter.
I finally met ***** and he moved me in, his dad was the dope man’s dope man. So I stayed high, and happy. For about 3 months we dated and lived together he started hitting me, accusing me of cheating and other crazy things, I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I blamed myself. I ended up pregnant, I got clean. He said he was but I’d find a pipe and break it, and he’d hit me or choke me.
After I had my son, a long 9 months of being in pain, being beat on, and emotionally abused by a liar we had gotten a trailer. Nobody on drugs was allowed, no drugs were allowed anything, I had gotten my daughter back and life was okay.
Well, he was drinking, smoking weed, meth, taking loratabs from his aunt and everything else. I’d say something and he’d hit me. He bit my back to where I still have a scar, bit a hole in my ear, and broke my nose twice.
Everyone told me to leave, but I had faith he’d change, I was wrong. I stayed clean the whole time, while he would have people over getting high. He jumped on me in front of his friend and his girlfriend, no one helped or got him off of me that night. So I fought back, then proceeded to call the police, he broke my phone and I begged them for help as they just acted as though they didn’t see anything.
2 days ago, I finally left him, and moved back into my mom’s after he punched me twice in the face, resulting in stitches in my mouth, and choked me unconscious, then broke my $300 phone.
So, what I’m trying to tell whoever is reading this is, if you are going through an addiction, I have been there for 8 years, I walked away with all my felonies dropped, a job, and 2 kids. I didn’t die, and no one helped me, I didn’t talk to my mom for months, she didn’t know where I was. She didn’t know if I was dead or not or what was going on. She started to actually plan my funeral, she picked out the song “This Ain’t Goodbye” by Chris Cornell to play.
I’ve been where you are, homeless, staying in hotels, ready to die right then and there and I made it,, I’m glad I didn’t die, I’m grateful I walked away before it was too late.
There’s so much more that happened between here and there in my story about my addiction, where my “friend” traded me for dope and I had no clue because I was left in a hotel with 2 guys I thought I knew, where I was raped, and left walking. Where I was swarmed by 13 officers and drug dogs because I sold meth for 2 years, and when they finally caught me I had nothing but the 3 grams I swallowed.
There’s so much more to life, please whoever you are put it down now while you sill have an option.
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– Matthew 7:7-8
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