Before I start pouring my feelings out, I have to say that I am NOT the one on drugs. I’ve never done drugs in my life. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, after all, I’m only 12, but I’ve had a pretty rough past two years.

Just because I’m 12 doesn’t mean you should treat me like I’m a kid, because I’m honestly not. After everything I’ve been through, I don’t consider myself a kid. Kids are carefree. My life is pure drama, and I’m going to tell you about it now.

My brother, Chris, started doing drugs over two years ago. I don’t know how my parents found out, but they did. I’m not sure how they dealt with it, but it went on for months until they eventually sent him to rehab.

He went to the meetings without a fuss, but when my mom mentioned going to a doctor, he refused. He was sent to the next step of the rehab program, which was in Atlanta. He had to go there for 2 months.

My mom flew him out there and when she came back, she stood in at his bedroom door crying. When he came home, I was sure that everything was back to normal, no more drugs, no more smoking, no more alcohol, but of course, I was wrong.

I don’t know exactly what happened with him after that, my mom never told me anything, so I read her emails, and found out she and my dad were getting divorced. I was so confused, and I just didn’t believe it.

About a week later we had a ‘family meeting’ and they told my brothers and I. I cried because it was actually true, even though I still didn’t fully believe it. I still don’t even though my dads been living in an apartment for about a month now.

My brothers took it a lot worse than I expected. Even thought the night they told us, I was crying, but my oldest brother, Michael showed no sign of being sad. He walked me to my room and tucked me in, telling me it would be okay. But I knew he was heartbroken, because when we went to Arizona over spring break to visit my grandparents, everything changed again.

It was about midnight, and me and my mom were watching a movie. She got up to go to check on my brothers in their room, and I guess she started crying, because when I went to see what was taking her so long, Michael was hugging her and she was crying. I tried to ask what was wrong, but Michael just told me to go to bed, so I went back to my bed, which was the fold out sofa in the middle of the living room. My mom went into the kitchen to get some water, and when she was coming out Michael told her to keep the light on because he wanted a drink. My mom was getting in bed, and I went into the kitchen to ask what was wrong.

When I walked in the kitchen, I saw Michael pouring two glasses of vodka. One for him and one for Chris. I asked “What are you doing!?” and he just told me to ‘shh.’ I ran out to my mom, jumped in bed, and told her to go to the kitchen. She of course asked why and I was like “Just go.” So she did, and I was in my blanket sobbing my fxxxing heart out.

I guess she let them keep the vodka, because after they went outside to talk, Michael was completely wasted. I was crying in the bathtub, not believing what was happening. Michael came back in and tried to find me. I eventually went to get back in bed and Michael got on the bed with me, trying to hug me and telling me he was sorry and that he loved me and that he felt like a failure.

Chris was outside saying “Her brother, whose older than her, whose smarter than her, gets fucked up.” to my mom. He was referring to the drugs and the drinking. I eventually stopped crying and we all talked for a while. To this day, I still cry about what happened. I told my mom I never want to go to Arizona again.

I know, this is off topic, this is supposed to be a drug-addiction story, but I have a lot of drama saved up inside of me that I need to let out.

Ever since my brother has been doing drugs, I have been very sensitive to jokes referring to drugs, smoking, and/or alcohol. I get a tear in my eye every time someone makes a simple joke, or even mentions drugs.

It’s really hard because only two of my friends know about all the drama in my life, but I can only talk to one of them about it. No one at my school knows about it, so they don’t know not to make jokes about drugs around me.

One girl crossed the line, even though she didn’t know there was a line to cross. We were sitting at school, eating lunch, and I don’t know who started the conversation, but we started talking about alcohol. Everyone was saying things like “I’ve had whiskey!” “Oh, I’ve been drunk before!” “JAMAICAN BEER IS THE BEST.” “I’ve had rum cakes!” and all this other shxx, even though it wasn’t true…at least I don’t think it was, most of them aren’t the drinking type, but you never know, right?

I was just sitting there with my head on the table, trying not to cry, and waiting for them to stop talking about it.

Eventually they did, and I went back to be being myself – a crazy spaz. Then this girl turned to me and said “You’re a two year old on crack!” then she laughed. I just stared at her, thinking about what she just called me.

I got up and went to the bathroom, and started at myself in the mirror for a good five minutes while trying to hold in my tears. I thought about it for the last hour and a half of school, processing it in my brain.

When I got home, I laid down on the floor in the living room next to my dog and cried. My mom asked what was wrong, so I told her and ran up to cry in my closet. This happened on April 1st. I asked my mom to call my counselor to tell her what happened, but I don’t think she did.

I don’t think she realized what a big deal it was for me. She basically accused me of being on drugs, just because I have a crazy, fun, weird personality. I finally stopped crying, and read my moms emails to see if she emailed my counselor instead of calling. She did. She asked for me not to be in any classes with her next year.

Right now, as I’m writing this, it is currently ‘next year.’ I have two classes with her. I kind of hate my counselor for putting me in TWO classes with her, and none at all with my best friend, which my mom asked for me to be in classes with because she ‘worries about me socially.’

It’s not my fault everyone at my school has made a joke about drugs at one point in my time knowing them, and that makes me hate them.

Anyway, I don’t know what to write now. I don’t know what to do. My life is drama, drama, drama. I’m only 12. I still cry about this daily. I still ask myself why this had to happen to ME.

Why did this have to happen at all?

To make it all just a little worse, I snuck into Chris’s room to look at the pictures on his camera (I’m nosy. No one tells me anything, I have to find out one way or another,) and after all the pictures of his naked girlfriend, there was a picture of him holding a bag of weed.

I immediately started crying, not knowing how else to react. I don’t really know how to react to anything anymore. There’s just too much drama. I just hope it ends soon.

I hope he realized what a terrible mistake he’s made and gets clean soon, because I just can’t handle it anymore. Thanks for actually reading this, because it means you actually care about other people, which means you have a big heart, and I love you.

Whatever problems you’re going through, I hope everything works out for the best. ?