OMG where do I start?
by Karry
Oh my God…where to start?! I have a 25 year old Son living at home since he and his girlfriend of seven years split about two years ago. He has had some tragic things also happening in this time (deaths,repossessions, etc.). He has been abusing alcohol and drugs (prescription and heroin both intravenously) ….well…shooting up!
He has no bills now and his Father and I are both on disability and he is borrowing money from us for cigarettes. We both love him so much and wish he could just “get it”. He is so stubborn and I know what he’s going through.
His Father and I shot up meth anphedimins(?) when he was very young. We have begged and pleaded and insisted and I feel like my only option is to “kick him out”. Stop “enabeling” him. It’s all so much easier said than done.
We just can’t throw him out. Even if it’s the “right thing to do”. He’s on unemployment right now (a roofer), but, he has no license because of 2 oui’s. I drive him everywhere! He has no insurance and his Father and I have
medicare.
What are my options?
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OMG…
Dear Karry, Thanks for writing. I can DEFINITELY relate to your story. My son has been using drugs and alcohol for 13 years. I spent years rescuing him – taking him to rehabs., bailing him out, getting him lawyers. During this time I did not take care of myself and I got into bad shape. He is now in jail for driving while impaired by drugs and is waiting to go into a state mandated rehab. (where he can’t walk out). I’m saying all of this to let you know that I can certainly sympathize with you. Secondly, I believe my best suggestion is for you to go to an Al Anon meeting – it is for friends and family of alcoholics and we also talk about drugs. They stress taking care of yourself and many other things. If you could get your son to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, too, that would be great (they talk about drug addiction, too). Then he may see and hear the dire consequences of using drugs and alcohol from other members there but also meet others in the same or similar situation as himself. If he won’t go then, I believe, the only other thing you can do is to talk to him and to pray for him. I have learned that you cannot CONTROL what he does (believe me, I tried with my son). Many people, unfortunately, have to hit bottom before they will see that they need help to quit. After being in jail for a year and getting out November, 2010, we really thought my son had hit bottom and he WAS getting help. But, he had a relapse and ended up in jail again. It is extremely sad but now I am practicing “tough love” and not helping him AT ALL. Per Al Anon, the person must really receive all the consequences of their destructive behavior and not be rescued because that is actually hurting them. If you can, look up tough love on your computer. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Please get some support for yourself. I go to Al Anon, see a counselor, talk to my minster and see a physician’s assistant. It has made ALL the difference – having some support and realizing that I have to walk my own walk and let my son walk his. I CANNOT help him. Only he and God can help him. It has taken me a LONG TIME to accept this. I hope I have helped you in some way. I will pray for all of you-Lynette
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Thanks
You just gave me some very wise advice. My sons too are killing me with their drugs ( needles, snort, everything). I am so sick of it being the focus of our lives..can’t eat. Can’t sleep. Can’t have friends. In constant fear for their life,,,they don’t even hide their problem from us,,they are estranged from their brother & sister, you have given me hope for ME, that’s the only person I can help! Judy |
