I've been smoking heroin and occasionally ice for 5 years. My attitude was always a "don't knock it 'til you try it." Of course back then ice and H were the exception. I never planned on trying either of them. But, the opportunity presented itself from a work friend, and I said, Why not?
I wish i could have answered myself.
There were times when i was chemically addicted but that was rare times. I was very good at monitoring how often, how much i was consuming, etc. It didn't matter though. I was still and addict. Psychologically i loved the escape, the thrill, it became my solution to anything i was feeling. I'd have a great day, sick, let's get high. Or a shit one and needed to get high because of it. I'd go out for drinks but still get high - which is very stupid as you just spend the whole night booting.
The only times i came close to stopping was when my friend went on holiday for a couple of months, or i did. But really i never stopped.
I'm not blaming my mate, i was as much a bad influence as he was. But i tried to make it so i never saw the dealer. That changed though. I finally have stopped/am in recovery. Now that my mate has left the country for good. The day he left i deleted the dealer's number.
This isn't a strength of character story by any means necessary. If he was still here, I'd most probably still be using. This is just another tool to help me fight the addiction. Removing sources and enablers from your life, then doing things you love to help take your mind off it, i.e surfing, career path etc.
Of course as i said, i was strong not enough to cut that friendship off myself. Just lucky that happened.
Maybe I'm not a good person, but i had terrible stuff happen in my life and because of that believed it was my right to take the easy root for everything since. I was wrong, and sulking.
Life isn't easy. It's hard. But it's our choice in life if we want to live through the pains and hardships to find/create our own happiness. Or float through life numbing any pains we encounter with no plans other than to Survive.
I will never judge anyone that chooses the later, as life is hard and that was and still kinda is me. I'm trying to change that now though as i want more out of life than to just survive.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8