Should we get a restraining order on our daughter?

by Cindy

My daughter has been drug addicted for the last 12 years or so, and she's finished many short term rehabs. She came back in June from a rehab and started using immediately. A few days ago she stole some money from us and took off. We filed a police report. The police recommended getting a restraining order to keep her away from our home.

I am done helping her and don't want her in my home until she is 100% clean. I love her and have been there for her, I am just tired of the drama, blame and entitlement she seems to feel we owe her.

What are your thoughts on the restraining order? My husband and I attended NA for 3 years and now are attending Celebrate Recovery, which is a Christian 12-step program.

Thanks so much,

Cindy

Comments for Should we get a restraining order on our daughter?

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Difficult decision
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Cindy,

I'm so very sorry to hear about your daughter's addiction. The frustration and sadness you feel must sometimes be overwhelming.

Addiction is a disease of the brain and your daughter is likely totally consumed by the drugs she is taking. The drug tells her that everyone is wrong and that she should do ANYTHING to get the drug.

Because of this she may be capable of doing harmful things to you, which may be why the police recommended a restraining order... they are trying to protect you from harm. Also, she is likely associating with bad people who could also potentially harm you.

But, a restraining order is a pretty drastic action and may make you feel to disconnected from your daughter.

I would recommend that you tell your daughter that she is no longer welcome in your house. You may still want to meet with her in public places so that if she becomes desperate you're not totally cut-off from her. That's why I probably wouldn't get a restraining order, so that you can keep open some lines of communication with her.

If she does come to the house and is unwilling to leave when you ask her to, then I would probably get a restraining order.

Keep attending your meetings and praying for your daughter. There is always hope and she may still recover from her addiction at some point when she surrenders and begins to choose better options for her life.

I will pray for you and your family,

Debbie

Feeling guilty
by: Rosie

I just filed one against my daughter, right now i feel like the most horrible mother put on earth! My daughter is 19 almost 20, she's also been to many many rehab counseling, jail etc.

She tells me she can't wait till i die, or I'm gonna feel bad only if she dies first! She breaks my windows, she steals anything she likes even my car! Finally got tired and put an order against her but now i feel horrible! P.S. she also is bi-polar and not on meds!

Duo diagnosis
by: Anonymous

My 35 year old daughter has been living the addiction lifestyle for 5 years. I am ready to get a restraining order due to the fact that she is living in my home and is extremely volatile.

I now have my first grandchild living in the other swelling upstairs and with all the support and help she continues to get her main goal is her addiction. I do not feel safe in my own house. My other daughter who lives upstairs with my grandson and husband feels unsafe. I just want her out.

I have done all that I can and now my health is being affected. What has held me back in the past is the fact that she is mentally ill. Now I just don't care. I feel sickened that all our efforts have been wasted. We are not wealthy people I refuse to spend a dime on her bad decisions. I am helpless and hopeless!!

it is so difficult
by: lorraine

My daughter is 36, and has been in and out of programs. She steals from us, wakes us up in the middle of the night for money and now she left our house and still does this... We are in our 70 's and she is extremely violent.

I know it is the drugs and she is bipolar. She thinks we owe her. We got a restraining order on Friday. She has not been served. We beg her go to a detox and a program she thinks she does not need it.

We've been going thru this for 20years. She has been in jail 3 times, she was a beautiful person now the drugs have taken a toll on her and us. I do not want her in jail again, but there is nothing I can do. we sectioned her 6 times 3 times she went away and 3 times she faked to be sick and the courts could not do any thing. So a drug addict goes to jail for a disease so sad.

God help her please!!!

Restraining Order
by: Anonymous

I have filed a restraining order on my 27 year old son. My son is a raging alcoholic who has been in and out of numerous rehabs. Presently he is back in jail for violating the restraining order and waiting for his hearing.

In the past year he has been arrested about a dozen times for drunk in public and most recently, he got a DUI. Prior to his arrest, he dropped out of the court mandated DUI classes and lost his car.

I'm not sure what the outcome is going to be but I pray the judge gives him the option of classes/sobriety or more jail time. I'm at a loss on how to help him, he's an amazing person when he is sober but lord forbid the minute he starts to drink. I hope he's close to hitting rock bottom, I pray everyday that God can reach him while he's sober.

Restraining order
by: Anonymous

I need to get a restraining order on my son. He lives with me and is so verbally abusive that I can't take it anymore. He rages at the slightest thing.

He is an addict and I tell him that he can't drink or do drugs in the house and he just calls me every imaginable name and does it anyway. I've had enough of living in a prison. He is almost 20 years old.

Please take action, likely to get worse!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Need restraining order,

It's sounds like you're in a dangerous situation with your son and have been for quite awhile. Please call your local authorities right away and let them help you to remove your son from your house.

Addiction is a progressive disease of the brain and can change them into people unrecognizable to their previous self. The drugs are likely attacking your son's brain and could change him into someone capable of doing anything to get the drugs he needs.

Drug addiction is a mental health disorder that must be treated but can make a person become progressively more violent. That's why it's so critical that you protect yourself and make sure you're safe and then, if possible, help your son from a distance.

Good luck and please try to be safe,

Debbie

My goal is to keep them alive, therefore
by: Ron

Hi, I'm Ron

I'm the founder of Heroin Doesn't Care.

As long as she is alive there is hope. So, first, we want to keep her alive.

If she is using opioids google "Narcan" so you have some hope of keeping her from an overdose.

Rehab... Short term, doesn't cut it. Her mind needs time to heal.

My first advice is to not spend another dime on rehab until you have done some research.

Kentucky and Ohio have something called Casey's Law. In Indiana, it's called the Jennifer Act.

They are laws that allow the family to require an adult child be placed in treatment.

If you are not in one of those states. She will have to stay on her own accord.

I do videos. I have interviewed parents who finally charged their child with a crime and they dried out in jail. However, Drying out doesn't help without some form of treatment.

My suggestion is to look for long-term treatment and sober living.

My goal is to keep them alive until they can finish a successful rehab. People do recover.

To answer your question, Yes, get the restraining order. It's another tool for you to use to help- her.

You can find Heroin Doesn't Care on Facebook.





NAR-ANON FAMILY GROUPS
by: Anonymous

FRIENDS AND FAMILIES OF ADDICTS:

www.nar-anon.org

Please join us! If there are no meetings in your local, please join us online http://www.naranon.com/forum/

Just filed RO on son
by: Cindy

Dear Cindy,

We just filed RO on our son last week after 14 years of trying to help him get off drugs and alcohol and seek help for obvious but never diagnosed mental illness from the drugs. I feel horrible after doing this but the replies here have helped to confirm it had to be done.

Everything most listed in their replies are same we have gone thru with him. He is 34, lived with my mom for many years and enabled big time, she died and we tried last 3 years to help to no avail. It is so sad that they cannot see the danger they put us in.

He too was no longer getting money from his one older lady friend and started demanding money daily and getting angry, aggressive when we said no. He broke our TV, cell phone, threw things inside and at house outside. The police were called many times by neighbors for verbal abuse... too many times.

I will start with Nar Anon meetings soon but this post helped me incredibly to stick to this RO until he wants help.

Thank you,

Cindy W.

I am one of your daughters and I wanted to tell you that today I’m Clean
by: Anonymous

I know it’s frustrating and it really sucks watching your daughter in the throws of addiction. I ask to please not get a restraining order.

My parents were extremely harsh on me and basically left me alone pregnant with no lifeline when I needed one or wanted one because they were sick of my crapola as well.

I’m just really lucky that I met my husband 9 years ago and he doesn’t do drugs or drink... had I not gotten pregnant and had 2 beautiful sons... I don’t know if I would be clean.

I went through rehab many times... even x2 since I got clean... and my husband, no matter what I did or do, never gives up on me. He isn’t about to hand me over a wad of cash or enable me, but I know that if for some reason tomorrow I used something I can tell him right away and he isn’t going to take my sons and leave me.

I’ve already done that, relapsed... and it was only for a week maybe. Then the last relapse was a couple days. I drank for awhile and then had to quit that and last summer I was still going to "rehab" again because of other issues.

But here’s my point. Today I AM CLEAN!! I have been off Drugs for probably 5 years + no drinking 1 year +. I am better than I’ve ever been but... my parents aren’t in my life anymore. I really wish they were... but they chose tough love and did some things I just can’t forgive quite yet.

They were never there for me, and were mostly the cause of my root problems... and my parents didn’t beat me or abuse me physically or sexually. They weren’t healthy and they divorced when I was 9, I’m 33 now.

I just want to say don’t give up hope. Because addiction is a disease and us addicts are never perfect. It’s hard to be 100% clean technically I’m still addicted to nicotine. And even regular people screw up... and get more chances.

There is always hope always another day, another idea.. a way to reach out... all I wanted was for my parents to just accept me and love me... which they still can’t do.

I agree with the Doc, he honest to God trained my doctor and if it wasn’t for the both of them I wouldn’t be here nor would my sons! They know what they are talking about and are the only true experts! If you have questions just ask!


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