When do I confront my son with the truth?

by Karen

My son has been using alcohol, pot and Meth for approximately 2 yrs. He is now sitting in jail waiting for court. He was arrested for a small amount of pot. I know that I need to get myself to Al-anon for support, however, some immediate support would be beneficial to me as well.

I am awaiting his outcome and am prepared to personally speak to the county attorney and plead for rehab rather than jail. My son is only 20 yrs. of age. This is his first time arrested for pot. He has acquired 3 mips within a 4 month period prior.

I know it’s coming to a head for him and I to have the “dreaded” conversation that every parent fears. I DO KNOW that it is critical for him to know about the meth and that I want him to seek professional help in a rehab. I am willing to risk it all (meaning him shutting me out – although that wouldn’t be any help to him, as I am his only person he trusts as far as parents) for the sake of his safety and well-being.

I’ve thought about sending him an honest letter while he is in jail….or should I just wait and see what the judge gives to him for consequences?? I am ready to support the judge and tell all to my son when the time comes.

Am I making any sense?? Please advise.

Be an Activist Mom

by: Ned Wicker

Dear Karen,

What a heartbreaking decision for you to make. Your son might have been “caught” recently, but I am certain he has been using for a long time. He’s 20 now, so this began on a regular basis when he was in high school. He is just now beginning to realize that there are consequences for his behavior, but these consequences just may be what he needs.

You can write that letter and explain to him what his behavior has done to you and the family. Explain that he has a disease and needs treatment. Explain that if he does not receive the treatment he needs, the disease will progress and destroy his life.

You also have to protect yourself, which means you do not owe a living to an addict. If he lives in your home, he needs to follow your rules, period. Some moms just love their boys and are afraid of losing them. If your son continues to use meth, you’ll lose him anyway. Therefore, everything you do and say has to point him to treatment. Draw the line and stand firm.

You can check out what the courts are doing with drug offenders. If the judge will order treatment, jump on that option because it’s more than generous. You can have that conversation if you like.

If treatment is not an option, he’ll just go to jail for a while and still be an addict. That makes jail a waste of time for non-violent offenders like your son. If he is sentenced to treatment, make sure there are consequences to messing up and not working hard at the treatment. He’s going to manipulate you, lie to you and want to hide behind you. But it’s time to face the music and be a man.

You keep going to Al-anon. You need support too. Hang in there. Your son is not a lost cause.

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