When one parent is in DENIAL about a childs addiction, Marriage break ups!
by Grace
(Secaucus NJ )
I know my 24 year old son is an addict he has stolen money out of my wallet & has stolen hundreds of painkillers from my husband & myself.
My husband had a hip replacement surgery & I had herniated discs pinched nerves & several other problems with my neck.
Although I was taking my medication as prescribed I noticed that my medication was gone after only after a few days my husbands medication was gone also with only a few left. I called this to my husbands attention but he told me I was taking more medication but I knew it was my son who heard my husband blame me for taking all 200 percocet along with 150 vicodin.
My son sat & listened to my husband reprimand me, he never said a word but I told my husband in private that it was our son who took the pills of course my son denied it & my husband believed him.
A month later my son said admitted to taking the pills then my son started smoking pot on a steady basis his father was okay with it but I was not.
4 months ago I saw signs of my sons drug addiction I brought it to my husbands attention but my son denies being addicted & my husband believes him.
Therefore my 24 year son is always in his room stoned does not shower lost his girlfriend as well as his regular friends goes out to pick up drugs. I guess drug addicts come to my door for payment.
In all these problems my husband is in complete denial believes whatever my son says my husband & I constantly argue about this he refuses to believe his son is a drug addict & does not think he belongs in rehab.
So now my husband is leaving me & he is taking our son with him, my sons drug addiction is breaking up my marriage. I know we will be divorced because of my sons drug addiction & my husbands denial of our sons addiction please help me I cannot understand this?
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Tough Spot
You are not alone. There are so many families that have been torn apart by drug addiction and the fact that your husband wants to enable your son’s addiction is not really a surprise. Your son’s addiction has turned him into a drug stealing, lying and deceitful man. Your husband has chosen to blame you because you’re easy to blame. They feed off each other. Groups like Al-Anon are good for wives in your predicament. You need help and they can give you guidance. Having been through this, their people can give you assistance in coming up with a game plan to get your family back together, get your son the help he desperately needs and get your husband’s head on straight. Call them. Call your doctor or a local treatment center and ask for help. Don’t go it alone because it won’t work. You have a war on your hands on two fronts, so you will need a plan. Make the call. |
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When one parent…
Dear Grace, I definitely agree with Ned’s comments! Also, I can really sympathize with you. As Ned said, many families are torn apart because of drug addiction and mine is one of them, too. My son had been a drug addict for 13 years. He is 27 now. I think both my husband and I were in denial for years. We tried to help him and he’d go along with it but in reality he was still using drugs. I hope your son gets help soon, before really bad things start to happen such as overdosing, getting arrested, ending up in the hospital or worse. My son is now in jail for driving while under the influence of drugs. I am finally realizing that by helping him each time he was in trouble I was actually hurting him. He needs to experience the full impact of the consequences for his behavior. Otherwise, why should he try to get help if we keep helping him? I have been going to Al Anon meetings, seeing a counselor, talking to my minister and seeing a physician’s assistant. I am so thankful that I have all of this support and I strongly suggest you get some, too. My husband and I are on a somewhat different path right now regarding my son. I just know I need to concentrate on MYSELF and getting myself better. By helping my son I became an enabler and I was in great denial that he had a problem and kept thinking, “Surely he’ll get better this time.” Concentrating on yourself is one thing that the Al Anon program encourages. And, that is only one thing. Following their 12 steps, etc., has helped me so much. It still is painful sometimes to think about my son but now I try concentrating on my own life and letting him figure out his. Good luck and I’ll say a prayer for you-Lynette
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