Young drug addict
Currently, I am a 20 year old college student. My boyfriend (almost 21) of over 2 years is struggling with an awful addiction, and I would really appreciate some advice.
When I met my boyfriend, he was an oxycontin addict 2 years prior to our dating. He has a profound attraction to nasal insufflation. He has now stopped oxycontin, however; this is because he takes suboxone to minimize his withdrawal symptoms. He is still currently taking it.
Luckily, we have quite an open relationship; thus he is very open to discussing his addiction. During high school, he had a drug counselor but treated the situation satirically. Since I did not go to the same high school as him until the last half of senior year, I knew this because he informed me about this a while back.
Recently, it has taken an unfortunate toll on our relationship and we fight constantly. He has now developed an alcohol addiction, cocaine addiction, Adderral addiction (has been persistent for longer), and suboxone addiction.
He smokes his suboxone at times, and nasally insufflates cocaine daily. He has also recently started selling it to keep his ‘drug finances’ free. I have actively been talking with his family–more so his mother.
He is also very open to them about his addiction. She is also very deeply concerned and at a loss for what to do. He refuses drug treatment in rehab mainly because he is fearful of withdrawals and of course the physical and emotional dependence he has with them.
I am glad that he is able to confront these fears to me and I would love to keep it this way, but I fear that by hearing him out he will take advantage of my understanding to think I am giving him a green light to continue his addiction. He has also gotten hasty with his words–telling his mother that without suboxone he will go out and purchase drugs whether whoever likes it or not. He has also told this to me too.
His friends are also no help at all, rather, they ALL enable each other. His friends also believe I am psychotic for yelling at him for his drug addiction which I know very well is the wrong way to communicate.
I am trying very hard to change my temper, but for all of you like me, you would know it is definitely not an easy fix. His friends also speak of me as a controlling girlfriend, often putting ideas in his mind that most college girls who have boyfriends at different schools are unfaithful…thus creating more problems to avoid talking about recovery. Cheating by the way, is completely against my book of morals and I am not the typical “college partier”.
Although I try very hard to ignore their comments, I try to remind myself that the origin of all this bickering is from the deep concern, love and care I have for him, not to mention his family also.
I cry myself to sleep often while praying to God to help a wholehearted man to succeed his great potential, sober. It hurts me greatly to watch him do this, and at times I am unable to perform any tasks because I am so emotionally numb.
Today, I received a text from his mother saying that his father tried waking him up by knocking on his door and window loudly. He would not wake up..so in fear of possible unconsciousness his door was broken down and was violently shaken awake, and even then he was very very lethargic (he had also been up for 2 days straight).
I feel awful and at a loss for what to do on my half. I have a terrible temper problem and I fear that the words I choose to say are at times harsh and unreasonable. I would like to learn how to speak to him in the right way, because I know that often when addicts are yelled at/lectured they resort to coping distress with more substances.
He goes days without sleeping, drinks for incredibly long periods of times, and does these drugs in front of me. I constantly remind him that I will not be an enabler, but then I remind myself that I am if continue the relationship.
I am hesitant at looking for someone to talk to, mainly because most everyone jumps to the conclusion of just leaving him behind and judging him solely by his addiction. I cannot do that as much as I would love to do that, I kindly ask that if any advice is given, that you spare me the heartache of hearing what I am told and tell myself daily. Whether I am with or without him, the important thing is that he needs help, not the relationship right now.
I have briefly been researching about detoxification, minimizing withdrawal symptoms, interventions, rehab, etc. I was also curious about attending open NA meetings, but it seems that only NA members are allowed to speak during so.
Is there a phone number, an organization, or someone/someplace else where I can seek for advice?
Please, i would greatly appreciate advice towards helping his recovery. I am also open and would appreciate any personal stories, options, etc.