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I just ended a codependent opioid addicted relationship.

by Thomas

I am on this website today, reading the original post as well as the inspirational comments below. I am a newly single, 32 year old, single parent of a 3 year old girl...not by choice.

After 12 years of not so much as ever touching another woman's hand, being a functional opioid painkiller user and then recent black tar smoker (same as my ex), I saw less and less of her at the two bedroom apartment we've been sharing for a while.

We've had our ups and downs, but she was highly smart and educated, now untrustworthy and deteriorated and mean. She hadn't slept in our bed for 4 consecutive nights. I told her this was abnormal, not conducive to a healthy family environment...but she ignored all calls and texts and was gone all day and night hustling and I'd see her pop in and out just once a day for a minute or less, when SHE needed to get something from the house.

She's been showing up with this new meth head, heroin addict who's older than her and I learned, got kicked out of his mommy's house. On her birthday, 3 days ago, I taught our daughter, that just turned 3 a few days ago, how to sing happy birthday mommy and decorated the house with banners. I invite her to come out to eat and remind her the baby needs to eat dinner no later than 7:30. She is only available for correspondence every blue moon through this guy's cell...never her own.

She doesn't attend the dinner my daughter and I share at the restaurant and isn't home upon our return. She then comes home with stories of having lost keys to a dealer's car, can't explain where she's been, has two loser men with her, is driving our unregistered, expired tag clad, uninsured car that she has no license to drive and is having issues with the motor. I get mad because these guys are in the house, she got defensive and I got suspicious. I check her text..."I miss you Markus, I am so much happier with you."

My heart sinks, this guy is in our house, so is my toddler. I grab my girlfriend and tell her I know and she's got 60 seconds to get him and herself out of my sight and retreat to our bedroom. 60 seconds or less pass and I am exhibiting the definition of "heat of the moment", despite being a life long pacifist, I see only red.

I exit my room and she has grabbed most of her stuff, gives me a smug "its your own fault" look and as I stomp toward the kitchen she warns this guy of my approach. As I try to hurl him over my waist to nail him to the ground she intervenes so I clobber his head with my balled hands, but he's shielding himself well. He says "what are you doing? I'm in your house and the next moment you're hitting me?" That crap doesn't work and I yell at him that she has a baby and he's a homewrecker, hurl him out the door; he glances at me and I say I'll cut him up next, slam the door, grab my now ex-girlfriends arm and throw her out too. She leaves in my car with him, doesn't write me for days and when she does, only from his phone.

I have not taken a hit since the incident, 3 days ago. Am on Suboxone film. I moved to my mom's temporarily w/ my daughter, abstain even when people in my circle offer fronts. She says she wants to see the baby, but never comes. She is ashamed and is practicing her usual avoidance. She may be at our house using my card and screwing in my bed. She texts it's my own fault, I haven't touched her in 2 years, call her names on a good day and say everyone hates her. It's true, but I reply that a deteriorated relationship should be a reason to seek counseling, to work on our problems, if even only for the child's sake. It is not a reason to lie, cheat and abandon your family with an old, homeless, meth smoking, heroin addict, scabies having piece of sh....

It is, however, my new rock bottom, my daughter has more structure, albeit voicing out depressing screams longing for mommy constantly...and I have been motivated to be clean for longer than I have for 20 years. to be continued!

Comments for I just ended a codependent opioid addicted relationship.

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My man is an addict!
by: Anonymous

Hi,

I just read ya story n I'm going through the same thing with my man right now..he just came out the hospital due to a cyst on his arm from him shooting up...It broke my heart to watch him go through pain and suffering in the hospital...he gave me his word and promised me that he would stop using as long as he has his methadone...but tonight I caught him in the bathroom using again..n it just tore me up in side.

I feel like I'm lost inside...it's an ongoing battle to fight...it's taking a toll on me n my unborn child...I feel like I'm at wits end...n it doesn't help that his mother his mother is an addict as well...I'm torn apart because I really do love this guy so much and I do everything I can to keep him clean...but his mother isn't a help due to the fact that she gives him dope.

I'm so broken it's a terrible experience...I don't wanna give up on him because I love him so much...I just don't know what to do at times.

Getting fed up!
by: Anonymous

I am getting fed up. I'm broke up with my addict boyfriend about a month and half ago related to the addiction he has sniffing heroin.

He works 24-7 and never has any money...when he gets out of work he gets his H then goes home and catches up to the high he needs cause he can't do a lot at work.

I went away for work 2700 miles because when I broke up with him I realized that travel was something my career offered and would be great. Well, prior to leaving we got back together. I have listened to him cry, tell me how he hates it and needs to get sober. I console him...he tells me he's going to be sober when I get back which I find real hard to believe since not one thing has changed.

I feel like i was clearing my head and he comes right back and I'm there. I am far away and either he doesn't respond all the time on phone ..or he sleeps all the time ...works all the other...it has made my time away hard to enjoy at times.

His little white lies and mood swings are so annoying...He has my car and i didn't mind him using it until he was doing his deals..i flipped and told him to leave it. His car has a flat and instead of buying a tire he pumps it up
repeatedly since we know where his money goes. My best friend lives a couple houses down from him so he lets me know, I hate not being able to trust.

If i get aggravated because he doesn't answer phone or text, he says hes working which he is ...but i get so annoyed at times....i wanted to really brake up with him this far away and he refused to accept that. I asked him to do two things while i was gone, my oil change and water my plants..he did but that's it, my door needs to be fixed but only girls with normal boyfriends have fixed doors ...I'll do it myself or have someone else fix it. I've asked him but he has no time between working, drugging,and sleeping.

The pattern of this life is really getting to me. I have anxiety because I want to go home. I am seriously thinking about ending it. I know I will not go on assignment this far again until I do. I told him when I come back if you aren't sober I'm through. I know he really doesn't think i will, because I'm always there. I feel mentally abused. I don't lend him money and refuse to pay for him.

He is suppose to plan a romantic dinner for my return and then spend the next day just the two of us. With him spending all his money...I have little faith that is going to happen and I don't hide how I feel from him. I am truly getting sick of it. He is destroying this relationship and I'm tired of losing myself and control of my emotions related to the roller-coaster relationship ride from hell.

I feel like I would be better off not talking to him...or answering his texts..or calls. Tell him I'm busy and tired from work, although i know he sniffs so much that's why he sleeps all the time.

Frustrated to no end. He needs to follow through and if he doesn't...I DO...If anyone has insight as to why they come back it would be appreciated.


Words of wisdom.
by: Anonymous

I was happily married 12 years. with our 3 kids 6,9 and 10. Wife gets on heroin and i live a nightmare as soul support of our kids while she steals from me and kids things for a whole year till the cops arrest and remove her after she assaults me and breaks my window with her fist...

In last 19 months with a 5 year restraining order i have tried 5 times to get her clean and back in our kids life but she can never stay clean and i finally have to let her go. i wish me and children could move on but she has lived homeless right next to my house this whole 19 months with numerous arrest for breaking restraining order drug charges and theft charges. But, the jails are crowded so they just keep giving her less time.

Now, i have to move out of state because, while on vacation, she robbed my house around 10k. I filed a police report and she is caught the next day with some of stolen property. Her boyfriend heroin addict used his id to pawn a big chunk of the jewelry and the police refuse to do anything about this abuse.

I told the judge in court our kids were getting abused almost daily from her criminal behavior in my neighborhood and they don't care. It's sad when the courts don't do the most important action their job is for "" protecting children""!!

I live in Orange County California and it is a joke... the DA's office snitch program and abuse of honest citizens. I lived here 53 years and now its not home to me anymore!

Ended it...FINALLY!
by: Anonymous

I only dated my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 months he started using early into the second month and he had a very serious painkiller problem before he started using. He started using Feb. 28.

His dad kicked him out and he called me after he did it and i had a gut feeling even though he would lie and just say he mixed a Xanax and painkiller. Not only would he lie to me but he would pick me up to hangout after being an hour late and halfway home would start nodding out and going left of center and falling asleep at the wheel. I would ask him over and over again what he was on and it was always be an excuse like I'm tired.

I started to feel like crap because he didn't even care enough to make up an excuse as to why we couldn't hang out. He was willing to lie and put my life in danger. He ended up losing complete interest in me and was ignoring and avoiding me completely to the point where I felt single. He would say i feel like I haven't seen you in forever lets hang and I'd try to and then he would ignore me.

I felt so worthless that we finally ended things, but I tried so hard to help him. I had people go to the person he was getting it from and I called cops because they had a kid. I told his dad and had his friends stay with him 24/7. I had a friend that would follow him just because he has wrecked, 2 cars on dope bc he likes to drive on it.

I would still go back to him if he needed me but he acts like he doesn't miss or care about me. I think that's what hurts a person the most. You give your everything trying to fix them and they keep putting the drug and friends and everything else before you. I gave him ample opportunities to fight for me like I fought for him. He just didn't and that's the worst part.

RUN RUN AS FAST AS U CAN!!
by: Anonymous

Thanks for sharing your stories. Whew! To the one that is prego..just run, run as fast as u can. Cali: I hope u moved.

So I've been in 10 yr relationship. Engaged but he got demoted about 4 yrs ago. Avid heroin snorter. When parents introduce their kids to drugs. U meet that kid/guy/girl u sort of understand y the user uses. I think u have even more of a nurturing to them.

But after years of betrayal, them stealing everything and anything of yours (bc they have nothing) including u. U get over it. It, meaning the guilt. The guilt of throwing a grown man with a child capacity to the wolves.

He has slowly killed everything I am. His day of responsibility is getting his next fix. That is solely it. I get food, cook, support house, pets he brought home etc and am disabled. I feel like I'm writing about a 16 yr old son whose gone down the wrong route.. n I am to blame. But I'm not. I'm writing about a 38 yr old man who can't support himself, can't keep a licensed car, never has any $$ to support himself... no less buy a few drinks at $1 store to help out.

They can't deal with anything that has to do with life. Unless its the 1st few hours of high. Then it's a tornado flying with the vacuum, doings dishes and most interesting... acting like we're in some great loving relationship. Mmm hmm ha while I'm over here in reality shaking my head.

All I can say is if u just met an addict, your 6 months in love n now find out or your a hopeless romantic n think u can help them... just run. I'm serious!! Look at any accomplishments u made, your jewelry, car, home... look at it again. Take it all in. BC if u let them in to your home n your heart. Poof!! It will all be gone.

I am not an addict. But I live like an addict. Worrying always. Every time he leaves my house... my routine starts. Cd's check. DVDs check. Jewelry check (costume jewelry). DVD players, PlayStation, ipod, audio recorders, mics, both tablets, check check check. I live like a prisoner in my own home. Sound familiar??

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- Matthew 7:7-8






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