Need help boyfriend cheated on me and uses meth and heroin?

by Susan

I need all the advice I can get... Please! I'm 19 and have been with this guy for about 11 months now. I met him through drugs, I was using meth for about 6 months with friends, we would smoke together.

After experiencing something horrible with my family I quit drugs. Ive been sober since, I started dating him a little after me being sober. My only requirement from him was to not use as well.

For the first 6 months I thought I had the fairy tale love story. Everything seemed perfect. Until I started noticing different behaviors on his behalf. I had found out he was using again. Sometime passed and he swore he wasn't using anymore.

Long story short, about a month ago I found out he has cheated on me, had never stopped using meth and to top it off was using heroin as well. My only issue really in the relationship was he had no job, no home, nothing. He's 29.

I don't know what to do, I care so much for him, but the more I try, the more I get absolutely no where. He doesn't get a job. He's homeless and sometimes sleeps in my car. He has no money so he steals. He won't leave heroin. He leaves me and blames it all on me for not giving him enough time.

I work, have a family, and a busy life. He doesn't make an effort, why? I've been nothing but good to him. I'm the only one he has and actually cares for him, why won't he change for me if he supposedly loves me??

I don't know what to do anymore. It's ruining my relationship with family, causing me problems with the cops, I'm not myself anymore. I'm worried 24/7, sad, mad, frustrated, depressed, and if not I just don't care anymore... Help!!!

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Addiction destroys everyone involved
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Susan,

Addiction is a family disease, it causes complete destruction of all who love the addict because it is SO difficult to watch some destroy their life. That's what you're doing, you're watching your boyfriend destroy his life and if you aren't VERY careful he is going to destroy your life too.

Of course you're "worried 24/7, sad, mad, frustrated, depressed", those are exactly the correct emotions for what you're boyfriend is causing to happen in his life and your life.

By allowing him to be with you and not work you are doing what is called ENABLING his addiction. This means that he isn't experience the FULL negative impact of his drug abuse. You're at some level buffering him from the really bad things that his drug abuse should be causing.

Don't give him money, don't let him live in your car, allow him to be homeless, and/or allow him to be arrested and go to jail. Then he may actually realize how awful the consequences of his addiction are and STOP using.

I recommend that you immediately begin going to Al-anon meetings to learn about addiction. At the meetings work the 12 steps and get a sponsor who, like you, has a boyfriend who is drug addicted. Your sponsor can help you to learn how to love your boyfriend but HATE his addiction.

Once you stop enabling his addiction try to get him to go with you to Al-anon meetings so he also can learn about his addiction and discover how to end it.

Good luck, you are in a very difficult spot but there is always a way forward,

Debbie

My boyfriend lies whilst on heroin
by: Lilly

Hi,

Where do I start. We meet over 18 months ago, he was the man of my dreams or so I thought. He told me 3 months into the relationship he went to rehab for heroin.

Then things changed at Xmas 2015. He became weird long times in the bathroom, a funny smell, running water. My gut knew he was on the heroin again. He lied and said he's taking Subutex. He cheated on me, then lied and said he didn't do it.

Then he started hiding cig packs in his trousers. I found the box and there was the foil with black marks. I've read all info and felt sick. I wrote him a letter told him I hated him, he destroyed this relationship not me.

I have now left him coz I started to self-harm myself took overdose and tried to hang myself. Yes, I still love him. Btw he gave me herpes.

I'm doing ok slowly now under suicide watch. He never loved me he loved the heroin more. I'm free and going up he's a compulsive liar and going to the gutter.


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