by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Susan,

Addiction is a family disease, it causes complete destruction of all who love the addict because it is SO difficult to watch some destroy their life. That’s what you’re doing, you’re watching your boyfriend destroy his life and if you aren’t VERY careful he is going to destroy your life too.

Of course you’re “worried 24/7, sad, mad, frustrated, depressed”, those are exactly the correct emotions for what you’re boyfriend is causing to happen in his life and your life.

By allowing him to be with you and not work you are doing what is called ENABLING his addiction. This means that he isn’t experience the FULL negative impact of his drug abuse. You’re at some level buffering him from the really bad things that his drug abuse should be causing.

Don’t give him money, don’t let him live in your car, allow him to be homeless, and/or allow him to be arrested and go to jail. Then he may actually realize how awful the consequences of his addiction are and STOP using.

I recommend that you immediately begin going to Al-anon meetings to learn about addiction. At the meetings work the 12 steps and get a sponsor who, like you, has a boyfriend who is drug addicted. Your sponsor can help you to learn how to love your boyfriend but HATE his addiction.

Once you stop enabling his addiction try to get him to go with you to Al-anon meetings so he also can learn about his addiction and discover how to end it.

Good luck, you are in a very difficult spot but there is always a way forward,

Debbie

by: Lilly

Hi,

Where do I start. We meet over 18 months ago, he was the man of my dreams or so I thought. He told me 3 months into the relationship he went to rehab for heroin.

Then things changed at Xmas 2015. He became weird long times in the bathroom, a funny smell, running water. My gut knew he was on the heroin again. He lied and said he’s taking Subutex. He cheated on me, then lied and said he didn’t do it.

Then he started hiding cig packs in his trousers. I found the box and there was the foil with black marks. I’ve read all info and felt sick. I wrote him a letter told him I hated him, he destroyed this relationship not me.

I have now left him coz I started to self-harm myself took overdose and tried to hang myself. Yes, I still love him. Btw he gave me herpes.

I’m doing ok slowly now under suicide watch. He never loved me he loved the heroin more. I’m free and going up he’s a compulsive liar and going to the gutter.