I just ended a codependent opioid addicted relationship.
I am on this website today, reading the original post as well as the inspirational comments below. I am a newly single, 32 year old, single parent of a 3 year old girl…not by choice.
After 12 years of not so much as ever touching another woman’s hand, being a functional opioid painkiller user and then recent black tar smoker (same as my ex), I saw less and less of her at the two bedroom apartment we’ve been sharing for a while.
We’ve had our ups and downs, but she was highly smart and educated, now untrustworthy and deteriorated and mean. She hadn’t slept in our bed for 4 consecutive nights. I told her this was abnormal, not conducive to a healthy family environment…but she ignored all calls and texts and was gone all day and night hustling and I’d see her pop in and out just once a day for a minute or less, when SHE needed to get something from the house.
She’s been showing up with this new meth head, heroin addict who’s older than her and I learned, got kicked out of his mommy’s house. On her birthday, 3 days ago, I taught our daughter, that just turned 3 a few days ago, how to sing happy birthday mommy and decorated the house with banners. I invite her to come out to eat and remind her the baby needs to eat dinner no later than 7:30. She is only available for correspondence every blue moon through this guy’s cell…never her own.
She doesn’t attend the dinner my daughter and I share at the restaurant and isn’t home upon our return. She then comes home with stories of having lost keys to a dealer’s car, can’t explain where she’s been, has two loser men with her, is driving our unregistered, expired tag clad, uninsured car that she has no license to drive and is having issues with the motor. I get mad because these guys are in the house, she got defensive and I got suspicious. I check her text…”I miss you Markus, I am so much happier with you.”
My heart sinks, this guy is in our house, so is my toddler. I grab my girlfriend and tell her I know and she’s got 60 seconds to get him and herself out of my sight and retreat to our bedroom. 60 seconds or less pass and I am exhibiting the definition of “heat of the moment”, despite being a life long pacifist, I see only red.
I exit my room and she has grabbed most of her stuff, gives me a smug “its your own fault” look and as I stomp toward the kitchen she warns this guy of my approach. As I try to hurl him over my waist to nail him to the ground she intervenes so I clobber his head with my balled hands, but he’s shielding himself well. He says “what are you doing? I’m in your house and the next moment you’re hitting me?” That crap doesn’t work and I yell at him that she has a baby and he’s a homewrecker, hurl him out the door; he glances at me and I say I’ll cut him up next, slam the door, grab my now ex-girlfriends arm and throw her out too. She leaves in my car with him, doesn’t write me for days and when she does, only from his phone.
I have not taken a hit since the incident, 3 days ago. Am on Suboxone film. I moved to my mom’s temporarily w/ my daughter, abstain even when people in my circle offer fronts. She says she wants to see the baby, but never comes. She is ashamed and is practicing her usual avoidance. She may be at our house using my card and screwing in my bed. She texts it’s my own fault, I haven’t touched her in 2 years, call her names on a good day and say everyone hates her. It’s true, but I reply that a deteriorated relationship should be a reason to seek counseling, to work on our problems, if even only for the child’s sake. It is not a reason to lie, cheat and abandon your family with an old, homeless, meth smoking, heroin addict, scabies having piece of sh….
It is, however, my new rock bottom, my daughter has more structure, albeit voicing out depressing screams longing for mommy constantly…and I have been motivated to be clean for longer than I have for 20 years. to be continued!