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My son's father is addicted to drugs?

by Amber
(South Carolina, USA)

My ex has a drug abuse problem. I know he is addicted to pain killers and uses other drugs such as meth and things like that.

His drug abuse started about 7 years ago with Loratabs. I became pregnant with our son who is now 5. I left his father when he was 2 months old because of the addiction and I had hopes that he would get help and we could work things out.

Now, he is behind over $12,000 in child support and recently stole my son's Nintendo and pawned it for money. I have taken him to court and he has gone to jail numerous times for child support. I have done this in hopes he will get clean and think about his actions.

He and my son use to have a very close bond. I guess you could have called him a functioning addict. The last year he has missed school functions and sport games and practices. He has promised to take my son to the park or things like that and it never happened.

I have chosen to be honest with my son about his dad and his addiction. I don't know if that is the right thing, but it was what I decided. For years my son spent time with him on weekends, while his parents were the ones in charge and who my son stayed with on weekends.

After his dad stole from him and we had court and he could not stop "nodding" in and out during that, I have refused to send my son on weekends. I'm very worried my son will get hurt or be scared with my ex, he has gotten bad and noticeable on drugs.

I have begged my ex to get help! Even offered to drop back child support if he would just try. Nothing has worked. He won't even admit he uses drugs at all!

I'm worried about my son and this being too much on his tiny shoulders. I try to keep him very busy and active, but he has to be effected by this??

What should I do to help my son? Also my feelings are very random and scattered about his dad. I'm mad he doesn't even call or text to ask about our son and I'm hurt he has gotten to this point. Is it even possible for me to let go over my anger and hate for him and his life choices?

Comments for My son's father is addicted to drugs?

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Right Choices
by: Ned Wicker

Dear Amber,

I share your concern for the safety of your child and from what you have described, I would not trust his father either.

Your ex has to learn and sometimes people need to learn the hard way. He has chosen to deny his drug problem, he has chosen not to get help, he chosen to steal his own son's computer game, he has chosen to not pay his child support and he has chosen to soil his relationship with his son. It's time to wake up and smell the coffee.

You're doing the right thing. Continuing visitation is only going to put your son in jeopardy. You've made the right decision to stop those. That's a consequence of his drug use. Your son deserves to have a dad who loves him, who is responsible and who is a law-abiding citizen. He has none of that now. The record here speaks for itself.
If your ex decides to get treatment and clean up his act, then maybe he can resume seeing his son. But in the meantime, keep your distance.


in the same boat
by: blessedmommy33

I am going thru a similar situation. i was married for 4 years to an addict, it started with pain killers than cocaine and when i finally decided to leave he was injecting heroin. my marriage was destroyed and I too was living abuse..mainly verbal emotional and mental.

We have a 3 year old son together and i thought if i walked out it would somehow force him to want to stop...i fooled myself. I just found out from his own mouth that he is hooked on meth clibic. i have it in text and locked it.

I too fear for my baby and yet at the same time am heart broken cuz he adores his dad and i hate that i have to take him away from his dad but im a mother before anything else. luckily i have the messages were he admits his addictions...i was even told to call dyfs when he has him and they will investigate. my advice is try to get ur ex to fess up in text or something to his addiction and keep a log of any and all incidences. ill pray for ur situation..plz pray for mine

Thank you for this
by: Anonymous

I am in a similar situation with my ex and my son. FORTUNATELY, CPS is involved with this. I also have a personal lawyer and a lawyer for my son.

My 8 yr old son is not aware of the drugs and I choose not to bring it up right now. He is aware of his drinking and considers that drug use. Due to the mass amount of Meth, he has bi-polar and schizophrenia disorder.

My ex is being tested and we are going to court soon. I feel very powerless and wonder how else I can protect my son. He is scared and says that the sudden anger and outburst are intimidating him. He showed up to his school while under a restraining order and seems to believe he does not have to abide by the law.. any help or suggestions is appreciated. Thank you!

Blessed to have our babies..
by: Anonymous

My son's father has also put my poor baby in the midst of hell. I tell him, his father chose this life because he is selfish and it has nothing to do with us.

Unfortunately there is NOTHING we can do to change him, and for all of you the sooner you realize that then your healing can begin. The stronger you are,the better off you and your children will be.

I find it much easier to be a single mom, than a mom living with a drug addict. That life was just exhausting. And as for weekend visits with"dad", you would never leave your child with some random drug addict, so why is it ok to leave them with a drug addict who is suppose to be their "daddy" they are still a drug addict. That may make them, to me, more dangerous than a random addict, because they "love" these kids and still are willing to destroy them.

This is not meant to be harsh or hurt feelings, but we need to be tough so we can get our kids through this and more importantly maker sure our children don't see this as an option in life to get to opt out and think only of themselves.

Stay strong and raise your babies....

Broken
by: Anonymous

I'm sitting here in tears....I am also at peace reading these stories because it let's me know I'm not alone...

My son's father is addicted to crack cocaine, I have tried to stay as long as I could for the sake of hoping he would one day have enough and hit bottom but it's seems that bottom is death for him...

My son loves his father and asks about him every time he disappears for days, he is only 3 so I'm not sure what to tell him so I simply tell him daddy's sick he's at the hospital.

It's been a rough 5 years when we met he was clean and sober then something happened that made him feel he needed to start using again...I secretly hate him for it deep inside. I tried many times to have hope and faith in him but each time he let me down. It just tore a piece of me to the point I stopped being intimate with him for a year now. I just don't want him to touch me period...he now uses that as his excuse to use saying I make him feel like crap...Sleepless nights...lies..mood swings...breaking things..stealing things...it's just a vicious repeated cycle.

I'm convinced finally after 5 years he will never get better..I hurt for my son because I feel it's my fault he is hurting because I chose to have a child with this man and now I don't know how to explain where his dad is...my last straw happened yesterday when I came home from work and he was gone along with my carpet cleaner..vacuum...my son's clothes...my new clothes...my son's video game system...and a brand new pair of boots all gone...he never came home... He called this morning just to say I'm sorry I have a problem..I made a police report but was told that since he is my son's father's it's a civil case.

I'm finally done, I can't do it anymore I'm soooo angry and broken inside one thing I've finally learned the hard way is that an addict cares about No one and nothing but the drug!!!!

Using the System, in Most Situations, is Not the Solution
by: Anonymous

It will only make things worse when using the system against a person using... If the person is a functioning addict, without property right violations, without violent tendencies, then the best thing one can do is let them choose on their on time when it's time to quit.

Trying to do what is "Best" for someone, using the system, is considered Force... Forcing someone to do anything is a Property Right Violation, and that person will retaliate likewise. If you Love the user, the best thing to do is let them learn on their own. Your opinion of what's best for them is your opinion. Not to be forced by the system upon them.

Everybody does something. Even You reading this does something, whether being conscious or unconscious of what that something is or not.

Simply let the user know you would prefer to not be around when they're using, and accept that that is your only option. The user, if he/she truly loves you, will eventually choose time with you instead of the drugs.

All of these stories...
by: Anonymous

All of these stories have one common theme ... One using the system to force the users to quit... It doesn't work like that -- the user will retaliate until feeling vindicated for the actions of having the system used against her/him...

It's a repeated cycle that NEVER works. Force will NEVER fix the problem.

Time is the only cure. Some users never quit. Using the system to enforce your opinion of what's best is a waste of your time, in fact, it's selfish.

Accept that the user may never quit. And that it is your choice to be around the user or not.

Stop using Expensively designed Systematical Force -- it only makes things worse for one and their Family.

I know it's Sad ... Sad, but true.
Know i'm taking the time to Share this because i care.

The System is designed to keep people paying into it... Never a Solution... It's a Treatment Facility which keeps racking up the charges ... Then charges your families bank account.

The Best Solution is Absolution.

Accept that the user may Never quit. And that it is Your choice to be around the user or Not.


Research shows that "forced" treatment is often successful.
by: Debbie Wicker

It has been said that forced treatment by the system doesn't work. Well, I beg to differ. There has been a lot of research by many different organizations that proves the opposite is true, forced treatment can work and is certainly worth the effort.

Addiction is a disease of the brain that is OFTEN fatal is left untreated. The addict often looses ANY reasoning ability because their brain is "controlled" by the drug. So, don't allow you're loved one to die without putting up a fight for them. Keep loving them and HATING their addiction.

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