My sister and her gambling addiction!!

by Jerry
(Tulsa, OK.)

My sister is 46 years old and is married for the second time and has two daughters from her first marriage. She also has a bad gambling problem.

After her first marriage, she was single for a few years and in that time I feel is when she started her gambling addiction. She passes two casinos on her way home and I truly believe that her being single had a lot to do with it because she didn't have a husband to hurry home to after work and had no accountability.

She had a beautiful double wide mobile home and about 2 1/2 acres of land and lost it due to gambling. She bounced back after a few years of struggling to make ends meet. Then she had reunited with a old high school friend and they got married.

Well, we all thought that she had the problem beat because now she has a new husband to keep her mind occupied and was to busy with him and her two daughters. Today I got a phone call from her and I was nervous cause she doesn't call me very often. She proceeded to tell me she messed up and asked me to loan her $2000 so her husband wouldn't find out she lost it to the casino.

Apparently, she has been going to the casino because she told me that he had told her if she keeps it up and keeps losing their money he was going to leave her. I really don't know what to do.

I want to help her but I also know what an addict is more likely going to do. I've been there done that. Borrow a lot of money on the preconception I was going to pay my bills and did the complete opposite, I went out and got high as hell.

I'm afraid that is what she would do is gamble it away and I don't want to hold her hand and follow her around to make sure that's what she is doing with the money because I don't want her to resent me thinking I don't trust her. What do I do???

Confused
Jerry

Comments for My sister and her gambling addiction!!

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Never give a gambler money, no matter who they are.
by: Been there too.

My sister is a gambler too, she lies all the time and has stolen, even from our parents!!!!!!! I told her
"I won't give you money, but if you ever get those gambling craving's I will help you then, just tell me you feel like you are going to, and I will talk you out of it, or at least try to."

Nope she NEVER came to me not even once to say, I an feeling those cravings. And she is still trying to get money through varies ways, and still gambling... Read every article you can find online about gambling addicts. It is grim.

Keep talking with your husband and try to get everyone to pitch in and help.
by: Debbie WIcker

Addiction is a family disease because it effects everyone it touches. Many families have been helped by Al-anon. If I were you, I would try to convince your husband to go with you to Al-anon meetings.

Once you both are attending meetings you'll learn the best way work with the rest of your family to help your sister-in-law to end her addiction.

Your sister-in-law has a very difficult disease and she will need patience and love to overcome her addiction to gambling. You and the rest of your family can be helpful to her if you learn more about what she is struggling with.

Hopefully, your sister-in-law will be willing to go to Gamblers Anonymous and get the help she needs. Don't allow her addiction to destroy your life with your husband. Work WITH him and decide the best course of action to help your sister-in-law.

Good luck,

Debbie

One step further
by: Anonymous

This is our story exactly. Previous marriage with two kids for my sister-in-law, only a cocaine addiction then a second marriage which appeared to give her the reason she needed to recover.

Two more kids and 20 years later she is now addicted to gambling. My husband agreed to loan her 20K six months ago because she said her husband would divorce her if he found out. She made him believe that she was aware of her problem and would quit so he gave it to her.

I know. A mistake. Now, 6 months later, she is 40-50K in debt, that she admits to, and is stealing money from her 80 year old widowed mother. She has begged us not to tell her husband. She does not work. Hasn't had a job in 18 years and is 55 years old.

She says she will have nowhere to go if her husband kicks her out. My husband cannot bring himself to tell her husband even tho he knows it has to be done. I've said if he doesn't, I will but I am leery of ruining my relationship with his entire family if she does something stupid or this destroys her life.

Their entire family has always used what I call the "ostrich technique" for dealing with their problems: bury your head in the sand, pretend it's not there and hope it goes away. I am not like that but have played their game within their family for my 33 year marriage because it's their family and their choice. But I feel I cannot do that in this circumstance.

I believe my husband will stand behind me but it will be bad if she tries suicide or something.

Advise?

You have a difficult choice.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Jerry,

I agree that just giving her the money is not a good choice. The only way we recover from our addictions is to experience the FULL consequences of our actions.

Your sister's addiction will only go away when she decides that the negative aspects of it out weight the positive ones.

Debbie

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