Drug Addiction Questions
My spouse says they’re going to quit but they don’t
Like some of the other questions and statements in this section dealing with spouses, let me start by reminding you that you are the one with the problem, not them.
They can handle their habit and you’re wrong.
If they say they’re going to quit, but they don’t, it is either because they don’t want to give up something they enjoy, or perhaps they can’t quit. I suspect if you’ve had an ongoing discussion with your spouse about his/her using, the likelihood is they are on the path of addiction. They may think they have control over the substance, but the substance has control over them.
Let’s assume the worst case scenario. They have become addicted and they cannot stop. You are not going to stop them. You need to seek professional help.
If you handle this on your own, you will get an argument, create hostility and cause yourself a lot of unnecessary grief. Remember, “you are wrong and they are right and nothing is going to change that.” It’s like going into battle. You need to equip yourself and receive instruction.
If you don’t know who to turn to first, you can call your physician, or look in the yellow pages and find a drug and alcohol treatment center.
Approach this like a military commander approaches a battle. Successful military campaigns require leadership and expertise. An addiction recovery professional is your commander. The enemy is not your spouse, but his/her addiction, and a battle plan is needed to combat the disease. Everybody is different, so a specific plan to help your spouse is necessary.
The short answer here is get help. They are using and they say they’re going to quit, but they never do. That probably means they aren’t quitting. The addiction is calling the shots. You need professional intervention, which might go well, as your spouse agrees to go into treatment.
It could also be ugly, as your spouse ignores your observations, the observations of children, friends and others. Addicts sometimes hold on to that denial as if separating them from their substance of choice would ruin their lives. Let your drug and alcohol professional guide you through the process, help you cope with the situation and give you resources moving forward.
Asking them to stop; begging them to stop; or ordering them to stop isn’t going to work in most cases. Rather than going into the battle alone, get the help you need and the help your spouse needs. Pick up the phone and make the call to your doctor or a drug and alcohol treatment center.
If you’ve been living with this for a long time, believe me, the action is not rash. It’s the thing to do. Make the call. Also, turn to support groups for your own emotional well-being. Your pastor or rabbi is an excellent source of spiritual support. Many clergy are familiar with drug and alcohol recovery and understand the physical, emotional and spiritual components of recovery.
When you make the call, be willing to allow caring and concerned professional people to help you. They are looking at the situation from a different perspective, searching for insights and reference points that will enable them to formulate a winning plan for your spouse’s recovery. You are a partner in that process.
Let it happen.
Make the call.
For more answers to Drug Addiction Questions please go to Intervention
Do you have more drug addiction questions? Click on the What should I do if button on the left for more answers to drug addiction questions.
Want to help son because he may be addicted to drugs?
My 24 yr old son has become less family involved, gained weight, become pale, lost his ego, sleeps all day, goes out at weird hours, is late to work constantly, never has money, is mean to
everyone, does not care about his appearance, his attitude, denies drug use, denies everything, lies constantly about everything, I am frightened for him.
Does this sound like an addiction issue or psychological issue?
It sounds like your son is depressed and may
also be using drugs. Depression and drug abuse often co-occur and should
be treated at the same time.
No money, always lying, and loss of interest in appearance are certainly early warning signs of drug abuse. Sleeping issues, and weight gain could be signs of depression.
If he lives with you I would make him go to a doctor for a checkup and let the doctor know your concerns prior to the appointment.
Drug abuse is very common particularly alcohol abuse and it can cause everything you describe. Getting him assessed will help give you a better idea of what might be going on with him and maybe how to help him to move forward.