Addiction and affair

by Brandy
(Grenada, MS, Grenada)

I found out my husband was using meth and had an affair. He told me that he is clean and he apologizes for what he has done. I filed for divorce, he signed the papers, but I want my marriage to work.

He tells me he isn’t happy and he made a mistake. He can’t prove to me that he told the other woman to go away, nor will he prove to me that he is sober. I want to trust him because it’s hard for me to let go of the hope I had in him.

How do I make my husband see that he needs to be strong and keep our marriage together?

Comments for Addiction and affair

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You can't tell by how he looks :(
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Brandy,

Setting boundaries with and addict is really DIFFICULT! How he looks is irrelevant, he must agree to be tested to earn your trust back. It's possible that he isn't using, and people do live in cars who aren't using. But it's equally possible that he is using, so you need to know in order to make the right choices for your life.

His refusal to do a simple drug test is not a good sign, it's an indication that he thinks he will fail the test so he doesn't want to take it.

I recommend that you find an Al-anon meeting in your area to attend. Al-anon will help you to create a plan for dealing with your husband's addiction. Going to Al-anon will give you a new prospective on exactly what you and your husband are dealing with in addiction.

Good luck,

Debbie

He refuses
by: Anonymous

When I asked my husband about treatment, or weekly drug test he says "look at me, do I look like I am using?". He doesn’t look like he is using. The other morning I found him asleep in his truck. I asked him where he is living and he says his truck. Surely someone that lives in a vehicle is using meth still, right?

With addiction trust cannot be earned back quickly!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Brandy,

I'm so very sorry to hear about your husband's addiction and affair. We are each created uniquely and each have choices to make every day. Will we make the right choice and allow our self to live a happy, joyous and free life. Or will we choose to succumb to our addiction?

Only your husband can make that choice for himself. Your husband has totally violated your trust in him and I confused when you say he is unwilling to prove he isn't using?

Trusting someone who is addicted to meth is not possible. Addiction likely changes their brain chemistry so that the ONLY thing that matters or brings any pleasure is using meth.

Has your husband gone through treatment, is he successfully working a 12-step program? Will he submit to a weekly drug test to make sure he is clean? These are the questions I would ask him, as I tried to regain trust in him.

I sounds like you truly love your husband and want to make your marriage work. But trusting a meth addict, without verification, will likely have you end up back where you started. Trust with an addict is re-earned one day at a time as they PROVE that they're not using.

Good Luck,

Debbie

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