Breaking-up from my partner who doesn’t want to stop using cocaine.

(South Africa, Pretoria)


My boyfriend left me for he would rather not get help with his Cocaine addiction. He recons he doesn’t have a problem.

For the last 4 years his been using this every weekend. He did this with both his previous girls.. they just didn’t know what the problem was.. he doesn’t want to commit. With commitment comes change.

He does work very hard during the week and he also trains extremely hard. He is a personal trainer. He will get friends over un-intentionally to them but after a few drinks he would order cocaine. The dealer even delivers at the door. He will even go so far as to lie about who wanted to order it.

I know him so well that he just can not go a weekend without it. I can count on my two hand how many weekend he didn’t take in the last year and a half. But no he does not take it every day… but yes he does this every weekend.

He broke it of via his sister.. he needed some space to sort himself out, and for I wanted him to get help. We had no sex life anymore, no emotional connection deeper that the surface, he didn’t want to go to church anymore, he will pretend everything is fine and he is very happy.

I also told his sister and she believes that nothing is wrong with him, they will go out and he will do this without her even knowing it.. thinking he is not. He left me and we had everything from a awesome house, financial stability, dogs you name it we had it… now his got nothing left after I moved out… even got himself a lesbian to move in with him to pay the rent.

He is emotionally cold and it is as if he is a stranger to me. How do I get anybody to help him.

He is so good in pretending that he will just act his way out of this. I do love him so much and know how he can be but he is just putting this before everything.

He will walk away just not to change.. I know he loves me and it is as if he will just give up love for drugs and the good life.. I really want to help him for I do know he is better than to fall into this.

It seems as if I’m the only one that cares enough to see how he is just going down.. he doesn’t have proper social skills, no intelligent conversation other that the fun side off things.. we had friends that didn’t even wanted to come over to visit for he would twist them to get drugs.. we lost a lot a friends.. and now he is even loosing me…

No Choice

by: Ned Wicker

Addiction has no room for personal relationships and no matter how hard you might have tried to hold things together and salvage a partnership, his addiction won’t allow it.

Everything you described is so typical of addicts as they slip[ deeper into addiction. The lying, the manipulation, the emotional distance. He is in denial and as long as he is not willing to face reality and the fact of his disease, he is not going to stop using.

You have no room for that in your life if you want any peace of mind, happiness or a family. His family needs to get involved and force the issue with him. He can’t be allowed to make the decisions, as you have already seen his decision making is poor.

You need to take care of yourself first. If it were me, I would attend Alanon meetings to learn about addiction and what to do about it.

I would also talk to treatment centers and consider doing an intervention. If your son won’t go to treatment he is no longer allowed to live at your house and to destroy your family.


by: Lynette

Hi-Thanks for writing.

I definitely sympathize with your predicament. My son is 27 years old and has been a drug addict since he was 14 years old. For years I took him to rehabs., bailed him out and got lawyers where he was arrested, and helped him out however I could.

I had gone to Al Anon meetings (for families and friends of alcoholics/drug addicts) several years ago and then stopped for a bit but went back about 1 year ago. However, recently, after him being arrested again for driving while under the influence of drugs, I began to change my attitude. I began to really understand Al Anon’s concepts. That we cannot help the addict get better – only they can go into recovery and their higher power can help them. We must take care of ourselves and our other loved ones. Otherwise, all you do is make it easier for the addict to use and also they never experience the consequences of their bad behavior. So, why should they change?

I highly recommend that you go to an Al Anon meeting and perhaps get a counselor to help you sort things out. Both of these resources have helped me TREMENDOUSLY as well as my minister – and most importantly my Higher Power-God-I give every day to him and it is working.

This disease affects the whole family and many friends. But it is a disease and the addict or alcoholic must learn how to take care of themselves – if not, it is a progressive disease and it will only get worse, unfortunately.

Good luck and I’ll pray for you.-Lynette

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