Cocaine drug addiction
It’s been glamorized in the movies and on television, it’s been the subject of pop music songs, and it even used to be an ingredient in Coca-Cola, but cocaine is anything but glamorous, not worth singing about and certainly not legal. It isn’t cool. Cocaine is highly addictive drug, potentially deadly and the cause of ruined lives, prison time and misery.
Cocaine is a powerful stimulant drug, used primary for illegal recreation and that is the focus of this article. It is highly addictive, widely abused and the product of a multi-billion dollar international criminal enterprise. The drug is derived from the coca plant and is usually found in powdered form, which can be snorted, or smoked. In the case of crack cocaine, for example, it is processed into small cubes and gets its name from the sound it makes when smoked. Some users may choose to dissolve the drug in water and shoot it.
Cocaine is a Schedule II drug and highly addictive. When used
regularly, the user will build up a tolerance that in combination
with the fact that the high is rather short-lived, users tend to use
more to maintain a high or achieve the desired effects.
It is not uncommon for users to binge, even after detoxification and treatment. Even after long periods with using, many addicts will go through a cocaine withdrawal and develop an intense desire to chase the high. Many recovering addicts talk about those cravings and tell stories of how difficult it can be to deal with them and live a healthy lifestyle.
Escape is the goal of cocaine use.
People want the euphoria. They may believe they are more self-aware, or alert, or creative and for some the cocaine releases their inhibitions. Shy people become the life of the party, or they may feel empowered and strong. But it is all a myth. The effects wear off and the nasty, sinister side of the drug takes over.
People like the drug because it helps them escape from their problems and they feel better about themselves. Because of this effect, people will want to abuse this drug to achieve those desired feelings, to deal with the reality of life and try to make a better way. They will fail. They will become slaves to the drug as more and more is needed, and soon the drug becomes the center point of their life, with no room anymore for family, friends and professional aspirations.
Because cocaine is a stimulant, it is effective for weight loss; a little too effective. People will lose their appetite and as a result of not wanting to eat, they lose weight. Cocaine drug addiction often causes addicts to become very thin, gaunt and appear generally unhealthy. Because the drug has taken over and the brain is tricked into thinking it needs cocaine to function properly, people may experience severe, even bizarre mood swings, especially when denied access to cocaine.
They can become irritable, paranoid and sadly aggressive or violent. This writer once knew a man who after years of not using, started up again and one night was picked up by police because he was crawling down the middle of a city street, stark naked and had no idea where he was, what he was doing or what was going on. This led to a period of dark depression, and as always the cravings persisted.
Suicidal thoughts are common
Cocaine drug addiction symptoms are sometimes overshadowed by the side effects, such as suicidal thoughts, hallucinations and panic attacks. Long-term users are in jeopardy of developing cardiovascular disease. Many cocaine addicts also drink alcohol and the combination can be fatal. Stroke is also a major concern with coke users.
The sad reality is that the stimulating effects of cocaine actually cause people to use cocaine just to feel normal. They can’t feel happy without it. This artificial pleasure is necessary, as the brain has been tricked. Without the drug, the person cannot experience pleasure. Without the drug they become irritable and paranoid.
Treatment is the only positive option for cocaine drug addiction, but even then an amazing 94% are expected to relapse. Cocaine drug addiction is difficult to treat and difficult to manage.
The addict disappears and is consumed by the drug.
Left unchecked, cocaine addiction will consume the individual, so the only chance the addict has is to try treatment, try again when they relapse and keep trying until they can learn to overcome the cravings, the poor choices and the destructive behavior that has impacted their life.
My struggle through the 12 steps
The following is a story of the struggle to overcome my
relationship with cocaine addiction. You will see terms such as she,
her, my love. These are all references to cocaine.
I clearly remember the day I realized that she had made my life unmanageable. I was alone at this point, she once again had left me broken and depressed, but the difference is this time I had pushed everyone who cared about me out of my life, cause she told me that they were all wrong, that there was nothing wrong with our love.
You see real family and friends had warned me I was spending too much time with her, she wasn’t good for me and eventually she would break me. I did not believe them. On this day I woke up turned over to kiss her as I had every morning, but something stopped me. I went into the bathroom, I looked in the mirror and began to cry. I had spent so much time with her that I had lost weight, had bags under my eyes, and was a shell of who I once was.
I looked at her and just couldn’t bear the sight of her anymore. She got mad and promised that I would dream of her when she wasn’t there, that I would never find a love like her again.
At this point I began to pray for my life. I needed to believe something could bring me back to reality, to break this sick love I had for her. Oh she didn’t want to leave, but I couldn’t live like this anymore. I began to pray to a God of my understanding, the God who created the universe, the God who showed their existence through the complexity of life, universe, and being.
This God of my understanding was the only thing I believed could deliver me from her hell. I had no choice but to trust in their existence and believe that if I turned my fate and my life over, I would be saved from sure death.
As I sat and prayed, I began to look through my own existence and see where I went wrong and how I ended up with her. I realized that when I was with her, I forgot about any and all problems, they were still there, but our love blinded me to the fact my problems were growing.
I realized that in my own head, the way I walked, talked and thought, had led me to her. I lied, stole, and manipulated people whether I was with her or not.
The difference was she accepted me no matter what. She told me she loved me no matter what I did, but especially loved that I would do anything for her. I realized my love for her had twisted the moral fiber of my soul and realized I needed to change this, all of it. There was no keeping defects I liked, I needed to change everything.
At this point, I made a list of the things I had done that was wrong. It was a long list, but I had to do this. Like letting balloons go in the sky, I needed to let this out and let it go. I hoped this would lighten the load of the world on my shoulders. I admitted my wrongs to my universal God, the Great Spirit, and to a close friend who had loved her once before, but was able to break his love and show me how to break mine.
By figuratively letting the balloons go, my defects, I began to feel better. I prayed to God to take my balloons, take them all for I do not want or need them anymore.
It was not easy to ask God to take these, but I had no choice, I had to put my head down and say “ Yes, I valued some of these things as a gift, but now they are my curse, please God take them.”
I began to think of all those I had pushed away because she told me to. Anyone that did not agree with our relationship, I shut out of my life. These people were the closet ones to me, my mother, my father, son, my brother and my sister. There were also many friends I had that did not like her, that I put on my list hoping they would accept my apology. They were right, I was wrong.
Also included on this list was myself. I had become so consumed with her, that I didn’t care bout myself, how I dressed, how I looked, whether I was clean or not, you see she didn’t care why should I? I could show up dirty looking like hell and she would still be there for me.
I went down my list and visited the people one by one. I was amazed at the joy in their faces to see me. They were so happy I had left her; they forgave me and said I was welcome back.
I did not understand, because I was so nasty with everyone, but they told me they know she had me under her spell, that it was not me talking, it was her. But I said that it was my choice to be with her, but they still forgave me. They had heard of her and knew what she was capable of.
Then I went to my son, who is very young, and I couldn’t explain to him quite yet about my sick love affair, but I apologized for not going to his games, not being there, and even not wanting to be with him, because I would rather be with her.
You see a judge had even told me I could not have my son over my house if I continued this love, so I basically told him I will love who I want, so I don’t care, no one can stop this affair. I realize now what a mistake this was.
It was taught to me that I needed to continue to watch my ways, for if went to my old ways, she somehow would find me. Whenever I was wrong in a situation, I made sure to take note and do things different, for I am so afraid of her coming back, that I do anything to keep her away. Oh make no mistake, I still dream of her, hold her, loving her.
These dreams were so real that I swore she was next to me; I would wake up, look to my side in horror, and then realize she wasn’t there. This was her trick to get me back, for she had forever been embedded in my mind.
I continued to pray to the God of my understanding, the Great Spirit, the universe itself. I prayed for guidance, for protection from her. I am so afraid of her that I can’t keep her away by myself; I need help to do so. The universe itself, the one I feel oneness with, protects me as long as I ask, and do what’s right by it.
Finally, and most important, I warned other of her sick love. I carried the message that you can break her love, but you have to be willing to. You see the evil she posses is timeless. Whether it was 120 years ago, when they believed she could help people or yesterday, she takes your soul all the same.
It is my job, and my duty to warn people of her, and in doing so I remind myself of her evil, and together we can keep her from tricking others.
My name is Jimmy, and she is was cocaine.
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story! It is truly inspiring.
I am a recovering alcoholic - I have not drank for 25 years.
My son is a drug addict and alcoholic and, unfortunately, he is now in jail. He has been struggling with this for 13 years and he is 27 years old.
I can relate so much to what you said in your story.
I am going to copy it and send it to my son. He is now talking about turning his life around. He was actually clean for 7 months (for the first time in 13 years) and then relapsed. I hope and pray that he does. I go to Al Anon and it helps me immensely. I also see a counselor, talk to my minister and see a physician's assistant.
I hope you are getting all the support you can get. Being that you mentioned the 12 steps I am thinking that you are probably going to Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.
I think my son has tried just about every drug there is. But, it is ironic because the one he relapsed with was cocaine.
Well, God bless you and I will pray for you!
Her name is cocaine
Good analogy Jimmy. Cocaine addiction, like most, is a love affair. We addicts slowing go from liking to loving the feeling we get from drugs. Unfortunately the down side, the consequences, can be staggering. Then it's like a bad marriage that just keeps getting worse. Divorce is the only option.
"I continued to pray to the God of my understanding, the Great Spirit, the universe itself. I prayed for guidance, for protection from her. I am so afraid of her that I can?t keep her away by myself; I need help to do so."
It's a humbling admission to reach out for help, to say I can't do this alone. There is lots of help though. Lots of people who have fought this same battle and won. They meet in groups all over the globe.
Here's another 'woman' that you apparently must have bumped into along the way.
"for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with HER."
There is a lot of wisdom in the rooms.