Crack’s long-term effects?
by Frank LaRosa
(New Orleans, LA)
My girlfriend is a former addict of crack cocaine. Her use span was between 3-4 years. According to her she has completely stopped using, but sometimes I wonder if that’s the total truth.
Her brain just doesn’t seem to work normal. She finds fault in me for everything, doesn’t take responsibility for any of her own actions and turns everything around on me. No matter what I’m trying to discuss with her she takes offense, starts yelling and cursing me and being abusive, then turns on me, and accuses me for everything that she is showing to be.
There is no middle of the road, no peace to be made and no compromise. She will tear me down or anybody who may find a fault in her. She will not accept criticism in any form, constructive or corrective. She has a very shallow life, which only consist of sitting on the sofa all day, on the ipad, iphone and watching tv.
She doesn’t cook, doesn’t maintain the house, has no job, but has a lot of money from a divorce settlement, which she uses as her power tool.
But God forbid I say anything about getting up and doing something productive. She’ll use any excuse in the book to reason why she is the way she is and then start accusing me of not liking her, or hating everything about her. It’s a daily fight with her.
She’s educated in social work and even when I try to encourage her to get up and do some good for others with her experience and background, she finds fault in me for that. Then says I have the problem that I’m the abusive one, that I need help, that I am a narcissist, etc. I can’t get through at all. She takes offense to everything.
She has never been to any kind of treatment program, just quit (I think) on her own and claims that her cocaine use didn’t affect her in any way. But getting along with her is trying to make sense of the devil.
What can I do?
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Directionless
Lesson one: You can’t fix her. If your story is objective and true, you probably have no future with this woman, who sounds like a person in denial and her cocaine use might have caused irreparable damage. You need to have her get an assessment from a qualified treatment center. You also may want to ask them about doing an intervention to try to get her into treatment. If this doesn’t work you may have less options. She has probably never had a medical evaluation and doesn’t want one. She doesn’t have the problem, she thinks you do, so there’s really nothing you can do about her behavior other than to ask her to be civil. I-Pad and TV all day and abuse if anyone says anything? Living off her divorce settlement? She doesn’t need you, she doesn’t need anybody. She has created her little world and there’s no room for you. Your best option may be to get out and not fight it. You can still be her friend and encourage her to take care of herself, but this sounds like a train wreck to me. Also consider contacting your local Al-anon chapter, they have seen this situation many, many times and can help you decide what to do. She needs to decide that she has a problem and she needs to face her own fears and issues. |
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Marriage Down the tubes
The addiction did not come to light until after the marriage and I wished that I had seen the signs early on. Having separated from him June of last year, he wanted to still have a relationship with me but not live with me. I saw right straight through that smoke screen. It was a way of having his own world and doing what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it without any repercussions. He recently disclosed to me the risky behavior he is engaging. Having sex with a complete stranger who is also a crackhead and he just learned of her name and is really risky in my book. This is very nasty and down right disgusting. If the handwriting isn’t on the wall now, I am really blind. Because of my love for him, I tried to stand by him even through his faults. I know now that there is no room in his life for me or anything civil. Crack has won. This man gets disability and also gets a payroll check under the table being a gifted church musician. Payday rolls around and straight to the crack man he goes. As in poker, I had to know when to hold em, fold em and walk away. I choose now to walk away.
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