I've been clean for almost 1 year and I relapsed two weeks ago and already police lights were behind me in my rear view mirror. How scary, how memorable of the hell and all of the nightmares the heroin brings along with it were back to haunt me.
But I didn't feel a thing when I got pulled over, I didn't feel scared or feel tired from being on the run and didn't feel mad... I felt absolutely nothing! I let the police search my car which I knew there was nothing in there.
The only thing that could have changed my mood today was if I would have gotten the drugs. That's what I went there for. And that was not what I got. So I was only feeling upset because I didn't get the drugs.
Heroin is such an overpowering drug. I've worked in the program and with the program I shared when I reached my 6 month sobriety and the last year was filled with meeting new people and people that knew the depths that our poisons could take us to.
But I strayed away from that, I lost all hope and I went back to the one place I know, the one place that I solely believe is my fate... to die with a needle in my arm. What a mistake!!
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8