Don’t shoot the messenger!
(Jeff City, MO)
Help!! I have never been in this position before & I am very concerned. I am engaged to a great guy who has in the past had a raging coke habit. Until August of this year, he had not touched it for over 4 years!! He gave it up after moving back to Missouri from Florida.
Last Spring, he began working for his brother-in-law as a sales-rep for his new company. The bad part (at least what I thought it was the bad part) was that it is 3 hours away & he has to be gone during the week.
We had originally planned on relocating once summer started so my son (previous marriage) wouldn’t have to start a new school with only a couple of months left. As time went on, my fiancé didn’t seem as eager to move & be closer to work/his family.
In August while my son was away at his father’s, we got engaged. Very happy! But just a week after, my fiancé suddenly had to leave on a Saturday NIGHT to go tend to an emergency at work. It raised a RED FLAG & I was immediately suspicious!! So I drove the 3 hrs in the middle of the night.
My fiancé kept giving me ridiculous stories of a leak at the job site & how they would be at the hotel they are working on all night long to clean up the mess. I had him send me pictures to confirm his story, & they only raised my suspicions even more. I even called the hotel to check the story-no one had heard of a leak!
On the way to the “big flood”, I asked my fiancé if he is cheating on me, or if there’s something going on that he was afraid to tell me? He couldn’t take it anymore & broke down & told me the truth. His brother-in-law had bought some coke & rented a hotel room for the night while is wife was at work. She’s an ER nurse & works nights.
Given my finance’s history with drugs, I was very upset. Doing drugs is an obvious deal-breaker in our relationship! I was also very upset that his brother-in-law had involved him in this-knowing that coke was his first-love!!
I did not tell my almost sister-in-law because:
1) they have 2 young kiddos &
2) given that these 2 men are in their 40’s, I tried rationalizing it by telling myself it was an isolated incident!
Fast-forward two months & the brother-in-law told my fiancé that “he has the itch” & told him what he had planned for another weekend of fun while his wife was at work & the kids were at Grandma’s! My fiancé immediately called me & told me what his plan was!! He wanted no part of it & on the day he was supposed to go back to “finish up some work on a Saturday”, he didn’t go & didn’t return the multiple texts & calls from his coke-hungry Boss/brother-in-law!
But now what? This seems to be more than an isolated incident & I don’t know what we should do? I have known this family since the 7th Grade! I love his sister!! I love the kids! We don’t know if we should tell his sister, tell his boss/her husband to seek help or just don’t tell him anymore if he’s using or we will tell…I mean this could go so many ways! We just don’t know what to do!!
Plus, what if we tell & his sister either doesn’t believe us or she gets mad at us….or, will it cost them their marriage & the kids will be devastated. Plus, remember that he works for him! He stays at his home when he is working! Is my fiancé going to give in again & start using? We have been together almost 5 years! If that happens, my son will be devastated!!
I don’t know what we/he should do?!!!