Empty Promises Don’t Last Forever
I personally am not the addict. Someone very close to my heart is, and I call him my “dad.” However, he doesn’t act like my idol, my role model, my superhero. He acts like someone who doesn’t know me, someone who didn’t raise me for 17 years.
But here’s my story of living with a current drug addict, and the effects it had on my outlook on life, and my mind. I remember my daddy taking me to Traders World buying me littlest pet shops, baby dolls, Polly pockets etc. He wasn’t around much due to working at a Factory 50+ hours a week, but it provided essentials and then some for us.
I had my mom and brother around all day, but I was always eager to wait next to the front door for my best friend to come home. Going to sleep on his chest while he’s watching football with his buddies. Never embarrassed to be a father to his children. “Man” time with him was always with me on his hip whenever possible.
As I got older, and realized more, I noticed that my dad was getting run down. Worked two full time jobs, enjoyed family time, and always gave up whatever possible to care for his children. He ended up getting laid off work, and we lived off his last 4 paychecks he had coming in. We lost our house my parents just bought, forced to move in a hurry. Our lives were slowly heading down hill.
Times were hard. But my parents ALWAYS made sure my brother and I were clothed, and fed. I remember them eating peanut butter with a spoon for a week straight, but my brother & I always had the good food. One day, I woke up so excited to see where my daddy was going to take me to do, and he was sleeping. So I was respectful and went on with my day.
Well, a few hours later, he was still sleeping. I wondered why? We went to bed the same time, and it’s going on 6pm. A couple days passed, and he was still really bad sick, couldn’t even get out of bed to use the restroom. My mother called the life squad, and he spent 8 days in the hospital.
We found out he had diabetes……and was having reactions from that. He eventually got released, and we continued our lives, trying to make sure he had the right dose of insulin, and that his sugar wouldn’t get to high etc. Well, he starting dropping weight, drastically. He was at 350, and slowly would shed weight.
About 6 months later, he was down to 165. It was all new to me. My 6’4, 350Lb bodyguard was weighing less than me….how? I continued to grow, and my father wasn’t around to watch us grow up. He was always “sick” and blamed his diabetes.
One day, I couldn’t handle it, and broke down in tears, crying for hours. Hives all over my face, my mom couldn’t stand seeing me in pain. She told me and Christian about his drug addiction. I had hoped that my superhero would fight against it, he always did. But he didn’t want to change.
He would drive around all day, come home high as a kite, and go to bed. Wouldn’t talk to me or my brother for days at a time, when he doesn’t have his medicine. But here I am, waiting on my super dad to hang out with me, or ask me about my day at school. I always fight for my dad, my blood.
Here I am, at 17, still crying till I fall asleep, over this man who I love so much, I would die for. He doesn’t see me as his child. He doesn’t spend time with me like he use to…..he only asks me for money. Then him and my mom would fight. I hate to tell him no, because he always helped me when I needed it, but how can I provide him with money to buy something that could possibly kill him? How would that sit on my conscience?
We do nothing but fight now. It tears my heart apart to see him dropping everything for his drug buddies, but he won’t even give me hug and kiss goodnight. Doesn’t notice when I’m not home, or when I’m upset.
But he knows when our neighbors car pulls up. He steals my money, my moms pills, he stole our lives. He robbed us of a childhood. Ruined my parents 20 year marriage. He knows the damage he does to himself, and chooses not to stop.
The tears he makes my mom cry EVERYDAY, upsets me the most. I just want my mom to be happy, but how can I expect that when her “Knight in shining Armor” is winnowing away in front of our eyes everyday.
He tells her he wants her to die when she doesn’t give him her pills or money. So here we are, struggling to survive, and I have to work for us to live. Why should I provide for him, and he still gets an easy life. He claims to be to “sick” to come to my graduation, but he’s not to sick to run all over the city looking for dope.
But I’ll tell you how we survive, as human beings, we have to look for the best in people. We all go through hard times, and unpleasant spaces in our lives, but you MUST stay strong! <3 Don't give up!
Use your experiences to know how you want to be as an adult. How you want to be with your children. Don’t get mad when your loved ones want to help you!! I don’t want to bury my daddy, and have people at his funeral bashing him, because he is a STRONG man, and a weak moment, but he denies help. His “pain” would go away if he tried, but instead, he gave up on life, and is controlled like a puppet.
His results might end up not letting him see his grandchildren on day, or his children getting married, and walking his daughter down the aisle. I just want my daddy back.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Everyday, he strengthens me. We all just need a team to fight back against this! Together we can end this, and no more innocent people will be robbed of their bodies and mind.
May God be with you all! Feel free to share my story, and as always, stay strong loves! My father is a drug addict, addicted to pain pills. And it has torn our family apart.