Is he lying...what are the signs...

by Angel S.
(Louisville, KY)

My long distance boyfriend of 4 months proposed 2months ago and we're getting married in September. The last 2 months he has been very moody and over reacting when he doesn't like what I have to say. He has also had a lot of recent financial issues where I have had to loan him money...
About 2 weeks ago he had another tantrum and didn't speak to me for 6 consecutive days. When we finally started speaking he admitted he had used cocaine twice...he was a former coke addict...he aired he used twice recently.

Do you think that he will continue to use? I called off the wedding for now but I would really like work things through...

We decided to meet this weekend to work things out and see where we should go from friends and family are concerned because they feel he needs to work on getting clean before he can work on us...can't he do both?

He said he's talking to his therapist and he's going to go back to NA. Do you think I'm putting myself at risk if I go across country to meet him to discuss where we're at and where we are headed?

Can a former cocaine addict use twice without it being a relapse??

I guess my family is concerned due to his overacting and getting angry and irrational over the past two months...what are your thoughts?

Comments for Is he lying...what are the signs...

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Better save than sorry
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Angel,

There are many red flags in the situation you're describing. You've known your boyfriend a very short time, he has borrowed money, treated you badly and admitted to being addicted to cocaine in the past.

It sounds like you truly care about him and would like to make this relationship all that it could be. Also, people can recover from cocaine addiction.

But, I think you did the right thing delaying your marriage and working with him to understand where he is at with his addiction.

I don't think it be a good idea for you to go across country to see him. Why not have him come and visit you? That way you can see him but be in your own familiar environment with your family support in case there are issues?

If a cocaine addict admits to using cocaine twice and is unavailable for six days, he probably is in the middle of a relapse. You should contact his treatment center to get their assessment of where he is at and ask their advise about his relapse.

Usually you'd like at least one year of complete sobriety before the addict has any major changes, i.e. marriage, in their life.

Good luck,


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