Help - Been with heroin addict for 5 years and he's clean and now has cut ties with me.

by Sherri
(Rockford, IL)

I have been with a heroin addict for 5 years. I have searched all over on line for some answers to help me. He has been in and out of treatments/rehabs, in and out of jail, in and out of my life as well.

He has been with other women and comes back to me usually after 3-4 months and his life falls apart. His mother is his biggest enabler by sending him money and never believes me when I tell her he is using again.

This last time he was "clean" for 9 months and relapsed. He moved in and out, and then when he was homeless and had pawned everything he owns he contacted me for help - the usual. I know in my head not to go get him, but I went to get him anyway because I loved him.

He dried out at my home and went into a treatment facility which was free. The first 2 months he was there he was attentive and I met him to go to church and I even went to meetings with him. I was still angry and hurt but I tried to support him.

Then the end of October he started changing again. As if he was still on heroin but he wasn't but he had the same mean non-caring attitude. We started fighting all the time. He called less and less. He came to my home on a pass Dec 7th for 2 days. That was the last time I saw him where he was decent to me.

I didn't hear from him for a week and then when he called he was angry. He had stopped seeing his sponsor but was playing the game of rehab. When he was on passes all he wanted to do was play a play station. He changed from wanting to come home to wanting to get a job and stay at rehab for a month and then for a year.

He didn't tell me this until his dad did and I asked him. He played mental games with me and his mom so that we would no longer talk. I didn't hear from him on Christmas at all. I went to the treatment place and he said he didn't love me anymore. Then I didn't talk to him or see him till New Year's day. I by stopped and he refused to come out and see me. I still have not talked or seen him.

Now, yesterday, I was served with an order of protection against me from him with all lies. I know it will be dropped but what is the point of all this? If he's working the program is this normal behavior? He has told the other people, there in recovery, all kinds of lies about me. I haven't called there or went there.

Any ideas or thoughts or suggestions or insight? This isn't the first time he has tried to get an oop on me and usually it's because he is using or he's with another women or both. What happened to him? I don't do drugs or drink. I am confused. I am hurt.

Comments for Help - Been with heroin addict for 5 years and he's clean and now has cut ties with me.

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Trust is earned one day at a time!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Sherri,

From what little I know about your situation, it seems to me that you're on an addiction roller coaster with your boy friend. It also sounds like he may have started using again but is somehow hiding it from his parents and the treatment center.

Because you've been with him throughout the last five years of his addiction, his parents likely view you as part of the problem rather than part of the solution.

I recommend that you start attending Al-anon meetings and working the steps for yourself. Allowing him to mistreat you as he has been doing for quite awhile is not good for you. If he is going to start using again and repeating the same cycle it may be time for you to get off the train.

He has done nothing to earn any trust from you at all, and for your own protection you may need to move away from him until he begins to respect you. Also, you can't respond when he gets down to the bottom again and runs to you for support.

Please go to Al-anon and find a sponsor who can help you decide what the best choices are for YOU and your life and try to move to a place where you're no longer caught up in his lies and deceptions.

Good luck,


by: Sherri

Well he left the rehab end of March n moved in w some stranger. He works at drug invested gas station. Having sex w girl who admits to having herpes. I said he's on a bad path. I am moving out of state within 2 months n changing jobs n changed my phone number.

Had some strange number texting me telling me he left rehab n doesn't do anything but play video games n works n hasn't been w anyone which I know for a fact as of yesterday is a lie. He has no way to reach me. He did more damage in 6 months then in the entire 5 yrs.

I can't ever go back.

Getting away is likely a good choice.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Sherri,

It doesn't surprise me that he is using again and behaving terribly toward you and himself. I agree that you need to disconnect from him and move somewhere safe where he can no longer harm you.

I know it can be so very difficult, but once you're away from him you can restart your life without addiction and abuse in it. Good luck and please consider joining Al-anon at your new location.


by: Jhon Mullar

The given article points are helpful to detox the drug addiction process. For more just refer the detox of South Florida articles.

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