I'm addicted to meth. I haven't used in almost 2 years but still there's not a day that goes by that I don't want to jump off the wagon. Even on good days with no stress, it seems almost worth it to throw everything away again.
I was there for the birth of both of my kids (both from my ex wife) but before and after birth I was so caught up in getting high that I would be gone for weeks at a time and not even notice I spent more than one night away from home. And when I was home I was passed out on the couch or hiding in my bedroom because I had no motivation to do anything but go to work so I had money to feed the kids and go get high again.
The last time I used was about a week before me and my current fiance started dating. I didn't have anything but a Walmart bag half full of clothes and no idea what I was gonna do next. She picked me up dusted me off, and started building me back up. She got me to fight to see my kids, which was really good since my ex-wife was getting deeper into drug abuse as well.
I have full custody now and I'm working on bonding with my kids like I should have done from the start. About a week and a half ago I let loose a little of what I've kept bottled up my whole life, including how hard it is to stay clean even 2 years later. A couple days later we found out she is pregnant.
You would think that would be a great reason to stay clean but it's actually gotten a lot harder. I'm not sure if 2 days was enough to process everything I laid out before a pregnancy. I'm going to stay sober, but the one person I had to vent to doesn't need the added stress.
I guess my questions are, how can I reassure her that I'm strong enough to have her back through all of this, really how do I help her at all? Should I be honest and tell her my cravings have increased drastically? I love this woman, the baby she's carrying, and the kids I already have and I don't know if I could handle losing any of them in any form.
Has anyone else been in this spot and made it or know anyone who has?
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8