How to reject your spouse?

by Michaela R
(San Lorenzo, CA, USA)

I separated from my husband a year ago and he is finally getting clean, however how long will this one last (sarcasm with a little bit of hope)? Either way, how do I tell him I am not coming back home to him and that I will file for divorce soon without hurting him? I have already told him I am not going back to him. He doesn't get it.

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Not sure you can do it without hurting him?
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Michaela,

Divorce is almost always an emotionally draining experience. It sounds like he still loves you and thought if he was clean you'd be willing to give it another chance.

When we're early in our recovery we're usually very fragile and going through a divorce during this time could cause us to relapse.

Not sure what you can do accept maybe consider waiting a while before you divorce him. If you can give him at least six months he may be in an emotionally stronger place to be able to withstand the sadness of divorce.

I'm a counselor and deal with many, many divorced people and their divorce is often one of the most emotionally difficult experiences of their lives. It often takes them quite a few years to get over it and to be able to move forward again.

Good Luck,

Debbie

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