How can I help my ex-husband?

by Angel

Hello,

I've recently divorced and my husband & I had been fighting a lot in the 6 months prior to our splitting. He accused me of having an online boyfriend (and a girlfriend),we'd go out with friends and only be out for an hour because he was ready to go home.

He had some tickets (minor traffic violations that were unpaid) and a hold on his license from another state and wouldn't do anything to fix it. I was stuck driving him everywhere and when I told him I sometimes felt like his taxi and that's all that I was to him he took it way out of proportion. He'd tell me stuff like he wanted it to work, that he cared for me but wasn't in love with me anymore but wanted to be.

Well, amazingly he's the one with an online girlfriend that he was in love with a few weeks after we separated, he still hasn't gotten his license fixed, had dropped about 30 pounds in 2 months. My cousin was staying with me for a few weeks, while he was there, his car was broken into and brake lines cut. When he was confronted about the brake lines when he came to get his stuff, he said that he didn't do it that he only watched. I've had my tires slashed and forced to miss work dealing with that. I do now have security cameras around
my house and garage.

The guy that drove him up to get his stuff apologized to me and said that he's not had anything to do with the ex since then. The ex has been telling people I've associated with for years lies about me or not telling the whole truth. Telling them I've lost my mind. It's going to take some time to get fixed.

There was a time before we split where he stole my car while I was at work to go see someone he works with to get some money they owed him. He'd been drinking, no license, and my sticker was a few days overdue.

He was straight up with me when we started dating that he used to use cocaine but was now clean. He used to be one of the sweetest and caring men I had met then his personality changed dramatically. When I was packing his stuff, I found cigarette cellophane with a white residue in them and a couple blue pills.

I found out last night that he's been hanging around a known crack/coke dealer a lot lately. He came in the bar met up with him and they walked outside and only the dealer came back in.

I know he's using but I don't know if I should try to help him or anything. I did love him very very much at one time and still care about him and his family. I don't think his family would listen to me, some of the stuff he's telling my friends I can only imagine what he's telling his family. Any suggestions about how I might be able to help him and have his support take me
seriously? I know his girlfriend wouldn't believe me if she was approached either.

Thank you, Angel

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Get support for yourself and learn as much as you can about addiction.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Angel,

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles to help your ex-husband and about his possible cocaine relapse. From the little you've said he has treated you very badly and you're very concerned about his well being. The disease of drug addiction attacks the brain and relapse from addiction is VERY common.

I would recommend you start attending Al-anon meetings twice a week. At Al-anon you will learn about addiction and also learn the best way to help your ex-husband.

You should try to find a sponsor at Al-anon who has dealt with addiction in her ex-husband. She can help you to decide what are your best options for helping your ex-husband and also how to emotionally protect yourself from more pain.

You have been through a horrific experience and should find some support for yourself so that you can move past the pain and hurt that you've endured.

Good Luck,

Debbie

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