by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Carmen,

Reading what you’ve written I feel like you already know exactly what you need to do to get out of the terrible situation you and your son are in. Here is what you mentioned which are the actions I believe you need and want to take to help your son:

1. He must go to a doctor to help him to detox from what ever he has been taking. Detox is often medically dangerous and he needs go medical support to quit.

2. You must continue to go to Al-anon and develop an action plan to set appropriate boundaries with your son. The action plan needs to include consequences for him if he doesn’t comply with your requests. You need to be willing to enforce the consequences.

3. You need to get a restraining order against him if he is unwilling to do as you ask based on your Al-anon action plan.

I suspect that nothing I’m saying is new to you but for some reason you’re refusing to take the appropriate action to end the terrible circumstances you’re in.

Many of us avoid action because we fear disconnecting with our children. It’s very difficult to push our son away because we love him SO MUCH! But often pushing him away is exactly what’s needed to get him to head in the right direction.

Please go to Al-anon and develop an action plan and begin to take the steps necessary to help both you and your son get out of the abusive, downward spiral that you’re in.

Debbie

P.S. Yes that is the correct phone number and I apologize if they’ve treated you inappropriately.

That phone number is a paid ad for a treatment center so they may not be able to help you.