I understand now..

by Sarai
(California )

This story isn't about me. It's about my older brother, Gustavo. When he first started using drugs I was about 10 or 11 years old. He started smoking weed, I used to go with him to parks with his "friends" so my parents won't suspect anything. I would be on the swings without realizing that my brother was starting to become an addict right before my eyes.

I used to have a lot of guilt because I would tell myself that if I told my parents what Gustavo was doing in the park his addiction wouldn't have started. It was too late.

Gustavo and my family never suffered for anything. We had money, family, love. I didn't understand why he needed drugs. Until he started to try harder drugs. But what really got him hooked was this drug called spice.

The main reason why he liked it was because when my mom tested him for drugs he passed the test because the drug he was using didn't show up in the test. I had to see my family suffer at the age 10-14. I have to see my mom cry.

I was very angry with Gustavo. Gustavo went into a clinic in Tijuana. We thought he learned something so when he returned to my house everything was absolutely perfect for 2 weeks. Until everything came falling apart.

We had to put him into the clinic again. This time I became wiser. But I couldn't cry, yell, or do anything, I had to be strong for my mom. Gustavo is in a rehab in Mexico right now.

The first time we showed him the clinic he wanted to stay. But this time and the last time he went against his will. It is very very very hard to have an addict in the family. But now I attend NA meetings and I understand that Gustavo is a different person then the rest, he isn't normal. He seeks something different and he thought he found "it" in drugs.

I miss him, but I know he is in rehab for his own good. I want to be physiologist for addicts so I could help people like my brother. I know this is a process and my family and I have to be strong. I love you Gustavo Stay strong.

Comments for I understand now..

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Loving Gustavo but hating his addiction is exactly what Gustavo needs!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Sarai,

You sound like a very mature young person, and it's wonderful that you're doing everything you can to help Gustavo, yourself and your family. Please continue to go to NA meetings so that you can understand your brother's disease as much as possible.

Becoming a psychologist specializing in addiction recovery is also a fantastic idea. I'm a mental health counselor and I very much enjoy helping people to regain their lives after addiction or other traumatic circumstances.

Anything you can do to show Gustavo that you love him but won't tolerate his addiction will help him more than you may know.

Good Luck,


Loving the person but hating the drug!
by: Anonymous

I now understand what she means about loving the person but hating the drugs and use of drugs. My husband thinks as long as he is contributing to the household and helping the kids as he should it gives him a pass to use drugs.

He may not necessarily be addicted but has used for over 20 years so he definitely abuses them. I am to the point where I have made the decision that if he doesn't quit using I am leaving. He tells me that I am disrespectful and turned my back on him when I left the home last year but he doesn't see that getting high on crack in our home is disrespectful.

I believe leaving is the only way to get him to understand how I feel. Only this time it will be for good.

amazing post
by: Tamara

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, I was the addict in my situation and I'm now 3 years sober. I hate the thought of everything I put my family through and now that I am sober I just want to be the best for them and do the best for them. I'm sure your brother will come out the other end and you will have your family whole again. Keep writing and trying to help others. It's so worth it and I'm trying to do it myself through my own blog and sharing my story. x

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