Meth Has Destroyed My Family
As painstakingly and heartbreaking as it is, I’ve realized that I cannot compete with the drug of Satan, Meth…
My ex-husband and I were together for a little over 11 years. Our love was so strong, we were soul mates, he was my other half and meant the world to me. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him.
About a year and a half into our relationship, I realized he had a drinking problem and it started escalating very rapidly. I just didn’t realize the severity of it, until one night when he was brought home by the police at almost 2 in the morning. My daughter was 2 years old at the time.
Lying became a daily ritual. He did just about anything for his next bottle. I had many, many sleepless nights worrying with fear that he would get hurt or hurt someone else because I could not convince him not to drive. He just would not listen to me.
I found that if I tried to enforce anything on him while he is intoxicated, he would blow up at me. Before I ended up losing myself in his battle with alcohol, I was left with no choice but to reach out to our families to help me with some intervention.
My family jumped right on board, but it was hard for me to convince his family just how severe his drinking was and they truly did not believe me. My ex-husband is a very stubborn man with a lot of pride. He has always been the type of man that needs to learn the hard way. I knew that if I did not also have the support of his family, he was doomed and so was our relationship.
It wasn’t until his first DUI, about 6 months later, when his family began to think that maybe he did have a problem. That is when his drinking progressed and got really bad. At that point he was court ordered for outpatient treatment, and honestly, I felt a sense of relief. I know that sounds bad but I believed and had faith that this would help him, help us.
While he was in treatment he had a few relapses but it was bearable. After he completed his treatment, everything seemed good; until a month later. He was back to drinking, lying, driving around intoxicated, and coming home drunk at all hours of the night. So on and so fourth…
At that point, I needed a break. I had a daughter to care for, I worked full time and had to maintain our home. I gave him an ultimatum. I told him that either he got back into treatment voluntarily or he had to go.
In those days it was very hard to catch him at a sober time, so it left me with no other choice but to tell him while he was intoxicated. This is when he blew up.
He denied any need for treatment and said “I already went through treatment and there is nothing more they can teach me that I don’t already know.”
At that point, I told him to leave. He went and stayed with his parents for a little while. That was a true God send because while he was staying at his parents, they were able to see just how bad his drinking was now. They also decided to force him to get back into treatment as well, except this time he needed inpatient.
About a week and a half before his scheduled check-in for the inpatient facility, he received yet another DUI. Thankfully he didn’t hit any cars and/or injure himself or anyone else. He still checked into inpatient and I felt a HUGE sense of relief.
I was relieved knowing that he was safe, he was sober and he was in good hands. I was also relieved that I would have some time for myself to heal from the emotional state I was in.
When he was released he was the man I fell in love with again and not just an empty shell of the man he was before he went in. I thought he was well and we would live happily ever after again.
Our relationship became even stronger and I felt that he was back, the man I fell in love with was back again. This lasted for about 4 years.
Then I began to see some changes in him. He began to withdraw himself more and more from our family. He started lying to me all the time. The weight started shedding off of him, he was short-fused all the time and I felt like I was walking on eggshells around him. He had very bad people in and around our home.
I confronted him and he denied that he was doing any of it. He did mention that he started drinking energy drinks more regularly. I thought maybe that was the issue and asked him to please try and cut down on them because they are making noticeable changes in him that was starting to affect me. I noticed that he did cut down on the energy drinks but nothing else seemed to change.
The lies, the weight loss, short-temper, withdrawing from the family, etc… It progressively got worse. I just could not figure out what was causing him to continue to be this way. I searched and search for answers but found nothing. I felt almost as if we didn’t even have a relationship anymore and fell into a depression, I guess you could say.
I also began to notice changes in my daughter, not so much at this point though. He came home after work one day and fell asleep early, which I thought to be odd (good but odd). Especially after all the changes I’d seen progress in a 6 month period.
When he fell asleep, I decided to go to his car. That is when I figured out my answer I had been searching for so long. I found his glass pipe and meth. I felt belittled, betrayed and I wasn’t good enough for the truth. I was mad, sad and almost felt relieved at the same time; relieved that I found the answer to all my questions.
When he woke up, I confronted him. He tried to deny and lie his way out of it. He realized that did not work with me anymore. So I told him that I realize why all these changes were happening now. I also told him that it could not and will not continue if we were to stay together.
At that point he admitted everything. He opened up and was actually honest with me about it all. He also promised that he would not use again. I believed it all. I also felt a HUGE sense of relief. I thought everything would go back to normal again. Oh boy was I wrong. That is where the hell really began.
His first attempt to quit lead him to his first crash. He just slept and ate for 4 days and if you woke him up, you better look out. After replenishing himself from his crash, he jumped right back on the meth train at full force. He started selling/buying pills, getting heavily into pornography and looking for “hook-ups” on Craigslist.
He quit helping pay for any living expenses (even though he still worked full time) and he began to rack up huge amounts of debt. I also want to mention that he is also a functional addict, meaning he could hold a job for most of his active addiction stages.
I decided to start researching this drug more and what I found out blew my mind. I realized that I was no competition to meth. She will always win no matter what. She was much more powerful than I could ever be and she had her grip on my husband tightly.
That was when I told him he had to leave our home and get help. I could not take the pain of his active using in my presence anymore. I was very very broken, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
He left for a few days and then he called me. He asked for one more chance. He also swore he got himself clean and was going to stay clean. I fell right for it and let him back.
This viscous cycle happened for approximately two years but now he was jobless and he’s looking at jail time for testing positive for meth on UAs. He is still on probation from his drinking days and his Probation Officer started drug testing him. I was at my fill… I now know what hell is really like.
I am so hurt. The man I used to love is not there anymore, he is just an empty shell. My daughter is very, very hurt too. The ways that she has been affected have really begun to expose now. I feel so bad that I did not end it long ago. I realize now how much his use has affected her. She is broken in a way that I can’t even begin to explain.
I love her so much and I will never let anyone come between us anymore. She will always come first. She is my EVERYTHING. To this day he is living with his parents and they have continued the enabling and co-dependency. He says he might go to impatient but I am doubtful because he didn’t seem very sincere and promising when he said it.
I have learned that an addict will only stop using and seek help when they are ready for help. Nobody can do that for them, nobody. It was time for me to pass everything over to God because I have nothing left in me anymore and I must focus on myself and my daughter.