My Addict tries to Deceive me-Triggers

My Addict tries to Deceive me-Triggers

latest novel at Amazon

latest novel at Amazon

My sobriety birthday is today. With a few years clean, I am amazed how the addict in me continues to taunt me. I believe for me it always will, and that’s why certain tools become life savers. Tools are personal, as is addiction. Below are some of my triggers pulling me.

No drama, but that is true, I more than likely will die if I go out again. Even that should read I WILL die if I go back out.

I am mentioning my birthday and triggers as strange as may be my birthday has been a trigger today. Waking up cocky that I have nailed my heroin and cocaine addiction of 24 years to be able to just have a little bit again. My craving followed me very strongly all morning.

It was not my will but something or someone more powerful than I that lifted that 90 pound and called my sponsor as well as another sober girlfriend I know. They both reassured me it was normal, I already knew that. They shared how much their triggers still creep up on them years clean, and I assumed that. They told me they can’t stop me and weren’t going to try, only I can want to keep clean. Offering though to spend time with me just hanging with coffee.

From all that, what stuck with me was I could use or not, it was up to me. The wheels started spinning in my head again. Thankfully I chose not to get high, as hard as it was today, and surrounded myself with clean girls. Having said all that, I for the first time really understood my biggest trigger is myself! Repeat myself!

In hopes it could help someone else know they are not alone, maybe you can relate to which are my strongest triggers that would get me high.

Isolating-my biggest one, I need to be in constant touch with someone else clean, even if it is not talking about recovery.

Glorifying-my addict brain fantasizes how great getting high was when I know it wasn’t having lost my entire world twice. I have to remember death is where glorifying will take me.

Surrounding myself with people I use to use with or get high from dealers. Simple, I cannot, or I’m done.

Coping with emotions-convincing myself I have to use over the pain of my fathers recent death. WRONG for obvious contrary reactions to that theory.

Believing life won’t be as bad this time since I have been clean this long. I have a sign in my room that reads, crack will kill you and devastate those close to you. It works for me in many ways…….

Those are my top triggers, many more, but they lived within the decision I choose, leaving myself my own biggest trigger

The real tool for me is what I am sharing with you here, sure many can relate, is being aware of my triggers are and kill them as they try to take me over. My biggest trigger is me, thank God for tools and other clean people.

Yes triggers are normal, but not being prepared for them, can easily take you out again or not getting clean.

Your worth more than that
Have another safe 24
recovering addict
prayers for the addict that died today.

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