Get Help Now!  

  800.815.3910 

  Available 24/7   

The road to recovery starts here! Trusted, confidential help available 24/7. Speak with an addiction treatment specialist anytime. Please call us now at 800-815-3910!




Wife is a crystal meth addict?

by Colin

My wife was a crystal meth addict, before we got married ... I didn't know about this until 6 months before our marriage.. She agreed to get help and quit -- I was very naive to the whole drug world and addiction ...

Anyways, she stopped using, concentrated on our wedding, and things were good until about a year after our wedding... When she started staying out, hanging around new friends, we were arguing a lot due to her coming home late and mentioning this person or that person.

We became pregnant, and in 2007 had our first child (I have one older son from my first marriage -- in which my first wife left us and moved in with her boss)...

Things were progressing with our lives, and she was starting to become open and honest about the fact that she was still using.. Yes, she used through her pregnancy, she now says limited amounts, but hard to determine what is actual!

Our daughter was born in March 2007 ... Things were ok, and she stayed home with the help of her mother for the first 6 months, then old habits started creeping back into our lives. After trying to get her into rehab, she again promised that she would give that up. We went away for a weekend to ourselves and we became pregnant with our 2nd child .. In July 2008 our son was born.

Well, it didn't take long before she was out more than ever, and a week after his first birthday, I had to ask her to leave the house (as social services was already advised)... I chose our kids over my wife -- I sometimes regret being pushed into a corner to make this decision, but never regret having made the choice I did!

In the few months after she was out of the house, she would always trying to come round and see us, and try to come home, then that started to ease up, and I found out she was seeing some other drug user dude .. After confronting her about this she admitted they were having sex .. And panic now struck over me, and the start of my enabling her commenced!

She took off with this guy, visiting our children once in a blue moon, and after 3 years of this lifestyle, became pregnant with his baby ... We are still legally married (or so the piece of paper states )...

She decided 6 months ago to finally go into rehab and get clean for herself. I have had our children in my care the whole time, and the new baby was taken away from her and placed with this dudes mom ...

After she completed her initial stay at rehab, she decided that she needed more treatment, and moved out into a half-way house, seeing her kids again once in a while ...

After moving out of the half way house, and attending regular meetings etc., she moved back in with her mom and dad (the whole process of this addiction myself and one of her sisters were the only ones that actually kept in contact with her, her parents, and her family distanced themselves from her)...

She reconnected with her family, and has now distanced herself from me. She has since moved into her own apartment, has her other daughter living with her full time, and takes our kids once a week if she has time!

She has told me a year or so ago that she does not love me like that anymore. I have been struggling so much to try to reconnect with her that I have lost myself, and she has been clean now for 26 months, and has never entertained the thought of us !!... while I have!!

We hang out together, with all 3 kids, her daughter and myself have a very good relationship, as the sperm donor has never got off the meth, and is in and out of prison, or doing whatever !!

When we hang out though, I start to read more into things than what they are, and it causes friction between us when I mention this.

It is now 5 years since she left us, and I still think of us as a married couple, but lately she can't even be bothered to text, or anything unless it's to ask if she can have the kids for a night... I struggle with the concept that she has tried so hard and succeeded to gain back her family, and yet has put so much effort into distancing herself from me...

Is there anyone that can suggest something for me to do to get past this? She is quite content in living like this, but I can't! I will also add that I have not been with anyone else since the last time I was with my wife, and quite frankly until I get her out of my heart ... It would be very unfair to anyone else to try !!

Thanks


Comments for Wife is a crystal meth addict?

Click here to add your own comments

Sounds all too familiar...
by: Stephen

Would just like to add... my wife has been court ordered to grow her hair back out so that she can do a hair follicle test to get the kids back and for months she just keeps cutting it too short to take the test.

She thinks she is manipulating the system but what she doesn't understand is that the court sees right through her. She is so wrapped up in her usage that she isn't even fighting for the kids.

When she was in jail, she called me begging me to bail her out, that he would be a thing of the past, that she would go to rehab, get a job, go to marriage counseling, and we would get the kids back and get our family back to where it should be. I wanted to believe her so bad, but I wasn't going to bail her out. She was in the best place she could have been, she was away from the guy that supplies her with the fuel for her addiction, she would be forced to actually get clean, and she could start to finally see things with a clear mind and start making rational choices rather than meth fueled choices.

But that hope all came to an end when he bailed her out and I haven't heard from her since. She was trying to use my love for her against me and as a fool to get what she wanted and when I didn't cave she turned to him. You can't help an addict, an addict has to want to help them self.

If they don't see anything wrong with what they are doing, no matter how many people tell them they are messing up, then all hope is lost. We fight for those we love but there comes a time when we have to start fighting for ourselves. I'm getting to that point as my mind knows what needs to be done but my heart has yet to jump on board. Stay strong

Sounds all too familiar...
by: Stephen

I'm truly sorry to hear about the struggle you're going through, but at the same time know exactly how you feel. My wife and I have only been married just under two years and our kids are actually my step kids, but I love them like they're my own.

My wife was hooked on meth before we got together but was clean when we met. The relationship started off amazing and we clicked like I'd never clicked with anyone before. The kids accepted me and eventually started calling me dad and life was great. When she and I got together she was actually pregnant with our youngest son and even though she was pregnant it didn't phase me because I saw the amazing woman she was and this child deserved to have a father.

After our son was born is when talk of meth started to be brought up by her. For years she stayed clean and then about a year ago is when the use started again.

We were nice enough to allow a friend of ours to move into our garage for a while as he was caught in a rough patch. I thought he was a friend, little did I know. It got to where I was going to bed alone every night as they would stay up and do whatever but I had to go to work the next day.

Soon we moved from that house to a new one and the usage got even worse. At this time he was starting to cause problems between her and I but she wasn't backing me anymore, she was backing him. I said I wanted him out of the house and she told me he wasn't going anywhere. Soon I was being pushed to go get help for my PTSD, I'm an Army Infantry Vet who served in OIF2.

They, together, would tell me my PTSD was getting out of control and that I needed to get help. They wanted me to lie to the VA about being suicidal so I'd be admitted for 3 days. Needless to say I didn't do that. I did go to get the help and when I left the VA hospital I was never allowed back into my home, she had the only key.

November 2017, a month after I was forced out of my home, was the last time I got to see my kids and here we are in May 2018. In December CPS was called on her and the kids were taken away. Since then I stopped paying the rent and her and the junky got evicted at the end of April. In the sack of getting their next high all since I have been out of the house they sold off all of my things and what they couldn't sell they destroyed. Many of the things like my awards from the Army which I can never replace. Me, being dumb, though and not knowing any of this till here recently when they got evicted, I was giving her $200+ dollars a week because she was promising me I would get to come home when the whole CPS thing was done.

I bought it, I let my emotions and how I feel for her to cloud my judgment. Since not only.finding out all my belongings are gone, I've also found out they have been using nonstop, they've had a sexual relationship for 8 months now, she told me she is trying to get pregnant by him when for the last year and a half we were trying to have a baby, and that he is the love of her life and I mean nothing to her.

I've fought so hard to my marriage and my family and tried showing her just how much I love her to find out it's all been in vain. I now have assault charges on her, another story in itself, and she was recently in jail for the warrant attached to those charges. She wasn't in there long before he bailed her out. Now they are God knows where and I'm sure still staying high.

We are still legally married as in the state of Texas you're married until a divorce is final. I still love my wife with all my heart, but I don't know who she is anymore. I don't know what was true from our relationship and what wasn't. I just know I've been lied to constantly, used, abused, and just cast out all in the name of meth.

Meth wife response
by: Anonymous

Find a church support group. Get your kids involved
so that a pattern is not repeated. Involve yourself in school with them. A wonderful person will enter your life.

Move forward. Look forward. Seek and you will find.

God bless you and your family.

Nice guys are getting tossed these days a lot
by: another nice guy

Women are cheating more than ever. They are more promiscuous and it seems the majority don't share grandma's moral fiber or values. If you spoil them, they will act up and cause problems for sure, instead of appreciation. They all want the bad boy, even if he's broke or self centered and not willing to lift a finger to help at all.

I'm hopefully done with dealing with this now, except the emotional fallout, etc. Quit being the victim is the best thing you can do. Get your head and everything else together. Don't show any concern or interest in her. Best to keep it that way, and not flip back to the role of nice guy. YOU WILL BE SORRY!!!!

It will never be a normal or a decent relationship. More than likely just using each other till something comes along arrangement. Stay away from using to compete with her lovers accolades. He's won already.

It is best to own your half of the good and bad- don't be sad, mad or bitter. Just move on. She's a hurricane, she is a destroyer...


I feel for you
by: Anonymous

Find a good lady and move on sir, that's what I'm doing now. Feel free to respond to me here at anytime. I've got horrible stuff I've had to deal with. My name is Darren and I'd love to hear from you!

You are not alone
by: Anonymous

Wow, I thought I was the only person going through meth hell and I don't do the stupid stuff. my wife of 14 years is on meth so bad she left me and her girls and is off with this nasty guy who is much older than her and has her strung out on it. He's doing it for the same reason all guys get women on it and that to use them for sex.

In a million years I never thought she would give up her kids but watching a documentary on meth shows me how little I knew. It takes the voice of reason and logic out of you. Then it rewires your brain and leaves the person wide open to doing things that they never would have dreamed of.

It's the worse thing in our society and I see no way of stopping it. I love my wife as you do and I'm just in the first few weeks of her leaving and I don't know if this helps but I realized this will be a life long problem that isn't mine.

She chose drugs and another man over me when she was close to being herself now I know she is a portion of who she was and what horrible pain would she put us through with her choices to come. So I realized I can deal with this pain one time and get over her or let her back in or try to get her back and deal with this pain over and over. I choose one time. Look into the release technique and Hooponpono and hypnosis to get over someone on YouTube and do it listen when you go to sleep.

I'm so much better off now vs a few weeks ago and I keep believing God will send me the right person. I too have not been with another woman even though she has had so much sex with so many guys it's sick.

I still have to answer to God for my actions and I can't say well look at what she did. Live for your kids and finally put her in the past. I know this is so hard but if you're not with her you're supposed to be with the one God has for you and you're thought's and love for her are blinding you to finding the person you're supposed to be with.

I hope this helps and I will pray for you and I ask you pray for me and my girls. Meth is powerful however God is more powerful. You must believe to achieve. I hope this helped you and maybe we will both be able to find wonderful clean women.

You are not alone!
by: Anonymous

I am also a guy who has been involved with a woman with an addiction. She lies and makes up such stories that it tears me up. I actually attempted suicide because I became so depressed over her, and compounded by other issues in my life.

Every single day I say I am going to break it of with her but can not commit my self to ending this toxic relationship.I love her but know I am destroying myself.

I give you so much credit for taking care of your kids, but I feel for you in not ever knowing what was real and what was not. As for her family, I know how that can hurt. I dealt with the loss of my wife's family after thirty years of marriage.

My wife's family alienated me after my wife passed away. They could not accept me trying to rebuild my life after she passed away. Not that I started dating immediately, it was over a year before I went out with another woman.

The loneliness hurts and I think that is part of the reason I don't end my current relationship along with loving her and wanting to take care of her.

It is all so confusing.

God bless you and your family.

Thank you
by: Anonymous

I very much appreciate the advise that you have given to me .. It's an eye opener to me just how far I have allowed at first another's addiction, and secondly NOW the divorce/separation to effect basically my whole being!!

I need to find some help, and I think you may have "hit the nail on the head" in regards to now I need to deal with the separation/divorce -- as I'm sure I am still in denial about this!

Find another support group
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Colin,

From your description I agree that a support group with mostly women is not going to help you that much. I counsel many divorced people and have found that a church divorce-support group might be more helpful than Al-anon.

The current issue that seems to be so difficult for you is the issue of your divorce and separation, not the addiction. So you should look for a support group that deals with those issues and will help you work through them and move on with your life.

You also may be suffering from depression caused by all of the turmoil. If you have not already done so, I would recommend going to your doctor and having a checkup and potentially seeking some counseling to help you to re-establish your self-worth and self-esteem.

There is also a group called Celebrate Recovery which is available in many areas. They separate groups by gender which can be REALLY helpful for dealing with these kinds of issues.

Taking action will help and seeking as much support as you can find will also help over time.

You've acted very well by protecting your children and supporting your wife; she has made terrible choices and acted horribly. Hopefully, you will move beyond her and start your life over with healthy, supportive people.

Debbie



Reply
by: Anonymous

Thank you Debbie for your response ..
I have attended Al-anon meetings, and I do have all the Al-anon books and read them often ... It was however at a time when I believed I could help her, and have never thought of Al-anon as what it truly is ...for the support of the addict family ..

I have attempted a few times to get back to the meetings ( of which they all made me feel welcome ).. However the majority of the people at the local meetings are female, and I feel a little uncomfortable in a room of women that are talking about their spouse or significant other .. And I am the only male in the room !

I guess I have never really entertained the thought of how much I have suffered from her addiction .. And looking back at what I have put my children, and my family, and myself through .. I desperately need help to pull my life together ..

As you stated earlier, that I may not know the real motives of why we married, and trust me that has crossed my mind numerous times, and I have confronted her about this, and she has said that she married me because she loved me, but I still turmoil about that ..

I used to have the support of her whole family, her mom was like my mom, her sisters like my sisters, and was always included and invited to family events, and since she has come around again, I have not been invited, and rarely get an invite for any family event!

I haven't just lost my wife, I have lost my family ..

My blood family are scattered throughout North America, my oldest son is in the same town as I am .. But he has his own family to look after also .. He is there for us, just not as often anymore .. And although we talk often .. It's just not the same.

Thanks for the advice ... I will have to make the concentrated effort to reconnect with an Al-anon meeting group!

Find a good support group to help you recover.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Colin,

What a sad story of addiction you've lived. Because you wife was already addicted to meth when you met and married her it is hard to say if you truly know any of her motives for marrying you. The person you thought you knew is not the person she really was.

I feel like your wife has gotten help and support for her addiction but you have not received any help. I would strongly recommend you find a good support group to join and attend meetings regularly.

Al-anon is a great place to start... so that you can learn how to gain back your own identity after suffering through your wife's terrible addiction. Find a meeting where you feel loved and supported so that you can learn to disconnect from your wife if needed.

There is also another support group called Celebrate Recovery that I would also recommend. CR is a Christian based group that will help you work through the issues that are holding you back as you try to move forward.

Ask around and see if you can find out where some good meetings are in your area and go to begin learning how to rebuild your life and your self esteem.

Good Luck,

Debbie


Click here to add your own comments

Do you have a question or story? It's easy to ask your question or submit your story. How? Simply click here to return to Addiction 101.

and Finally Remember:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
- Matthew 7:7-8


Subscribe to our Drug-Addiction-Support.org weekly email:

Recent Articles

  1. Oxymorphone

    Jun 18, 18 09:21 AM

    Oxymorphone is an opiate analgesic pain reliever, which is extremely strong and dangerous if not used correctly.

    Read More

  2. Demerol

    Jun 16, 18 09:55 AM

    Demerol is a dangerous opiate if it is abused, this page lists resources and information you can use to learn how to recover from addiction...

    Read More

  3. Drug Addiction Detox

    Jun 15, 18 09:20 AM

    Drug addiction detoxis almost always going to be your first step towards recovery from drug or alcohol addiction. Detox can be dangerous, learn how to stay safe as you detox.

    Read More

Follow on Twitter or Google+