2 Years Wasted.

by Derrick

(Youngstown, OH)

I always keep a steady 4K in the bank. Never went under; took pride in that. I’m walking to work on a beautiful Friday morning. “Yo Derrick! Der!”. I can see someone but I don’t recognize them. “Oh shoot bro been a minute”. As I get closer I recognize him (looks very different from Junior High).
– “Damn man how you been?”
– “Chillin going to work, what you been up to?”
– “Just grinding man, Ey you lookin for anything?”
– “ Naw I’m straight.” (Took pride in this).
– “ Alright well take down my number in case you know anybody”.
I get to work and remember how hard it was before to come off. It’s been 2 years. I’m currently prescribed to anti-psychotic and anti-anxiety meds, but shoot if I just grab a few I can control it.
– 2 Days Later with a text: Yo what you got?
It’s May. I start off just getting 4 of em’ a week. 4 turn into 8 a week. 8 turn into 20 a week. Now it’s every 4 days. Now it’s in bulk. Oh shoot the prices went up? Do I really need this keyboard? Pawn Shop.
Debit.
It used to look like a magic card, now it’s taking my soul.
Completely forgot about my mental illness med. Stop seeing therapist.
It’s May Again. No more money, sweating my ass off, got dropped by my doc. But none of that matters. I just need to get faded. Actually I just need to feel normal.
Before walking to work, I was able to walk my dog for 30 Minutes No Prob. After my text I could walk my dog for 2 hours. Now, he just goes in the house.
I’m chopping up straws to find some residue. Once I collect enough for a smooth line, the anxiety weakens just seeing it calms me down. It’s like an art forum, and I’m really good at it.
One to the head. 20 Minutes later I’m sick again. Researching ways to combat the ache.
Imodium? Only take some? down entire bottle.
I might die if I fall asleep? Good.
I wake up back at my parents, no job, depression worsened. 2 Years Wasted.
I shouldn’t have taken that number.

and Finally Remember:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
– Matthew 7:7-8

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