How can I help my grandson?

by Lydia

Hello,

My name is Lydia, and I have a 27 year old daughter that is on pain meds and is addicted. She is the mother of a 17 month old boy and she has just started shooting oxycodone and i am not sure about meth and Suboxone.

I need to know what I can do to get my grandson out of this situation?! This is one of the most heartbreaking things i have had to do, I love my daughter but I love my grandson more... he can't help himself.

Need Help Please,

Lydia

Comments for How can I help my grandson?

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by: Ned Wicker

Dear Lydia,

It is a decision that no mother wants to make. Nothing is more sacred than the relationship between mother and child, but when mom makes terrible decisions and is not accountable for her actions, the child will suffer. Shooting oxy and taking a variety of other drugs puts the child in jeopardy.

While it will probably do little or no good to confront your daughter, you may want to explain that you are concerned and you want her to seek help for her substance use disorder.

She also needs to understand that her actions will have consequences, one of which is you going to the family courts to have the child removed from the home. The can be avoided if she agrees to go into treatment.

Understand that she may not care what you say and she’ll continue to use regardless of the consequences, mainly because her disease has progressed to the point where she no longer has any choice. Sometimes a person will keep on using no matter what, so the only way to save your daughter might be to turn her in.

You also need to get some support for yourself and I’d suggest Al-Anon. It’s an organization designed specifically to help people like you and believe me there are moms out there who have gone down the same path you are walking on, so do not be afraid to seek them out and allow them to help you.

As much as it hurts, you have to focus your attention at protecting your grandson and getting your daughter into treatment. She will try to manipulate you, she’ll get angry with you and she’ll lie to you, just to get you to back off. Don’t do that. Stay your course. This story can have a happy ending, but you’re going to have to be strong.

drugs
by: Margaret

Hi my name is Margaret,

I have a grandson who is only 15 years old and he is experimenting with drugs nothing heavy but none the less it's drugs and I want to stop it before he try's something else. He's been arrested 3 times and I feel that next time he gets arrested he will end up in the big boys prison.

His father was murdered about 4 years ago and it was drug related. I don't want this to happen to my grandson. Please if anyone out there knows of a rehab for him or something that can help me I would realty appreciate it so much.

Thank you Margaret

drug addiction
by: Anonymous

Hi!

Worried about my grandson. His 23 yrs.old lives in Dallas. He was admitted to the hospital for infection for using dirty needles. He got operated on both his arms.

Somehow one of his friend snuck in and gave him something. My daughter right away questioned him. He was acting different. We don't know what to do. We don't want to loose him.

You and your daughter must start going to Al-anon to learn about addiction.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Anonymous,

Your grandson is almost certainly addicted to heroin or some other IV drug. The person who snuck into his room to give him the drug likely WANTS to keep him addicted, probably because he/she is a dealer and makes money from your grandson.

You and your daughter need to learn as much about addiction as you can as quickly as possible. Addiction is a disease that attacks our brain and convinces us that we MUST use and nothing else matters.

Al-anon and working the 12 steps will help you both learn what you need to do to help your grandson to end his addiction. Your daughter needs to learn how to love her son but to HATE his addiction.

Dallas has a lot of great Al-anon meetings so you should start going today if possible so you learn how to fight this deadly disease.

Debbie

My grandson is on cannabis?
by: Anonymous

Please can someone help me my grandson is 34years old and has been on cannabis since he was 12 years old. He has 4 children and a good woman' but he has now gotten himself a flat and has left them but he still goes to the house everyday for food and stealing MONEY AND GOODS OFF THEM.

HE HAS STOLEN FROM ME SO MANY TIMES AND THREATENED TO HIT ME. HE SCREAMS AT HIS CHILDREN. AND CALLS THEM THE MOST HORRIBLE NAMES. HIS PARENTS ABANDONED HIM AND HIS FOUR. HE AND HIS SIBLINGS WERE ALONE WHEN THEY WERE VERY YOUNG AND MY HUSBAND AND I TOOK THEM IN AND BROUGHT THEM UP.

BUT HE IS SO BITTER HE HATES HIS MOTHER AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'M AT MY WITS END. ALL I DO IS CRY. HE WONT TALK TO ME NOW BECAUSE I LENT HIM £20 WENT BACK FOR IT THE NEXT WEEK AND HE SCREAMED AT ME CALLED ME NAMES AND ORDERED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE. THAT WAS 3 MONTHS AGO PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!!

Sounds like your grandson needs psychiatric help!
by: Debbie Wicker

Your grandson sounds like he has a drug problem that may be more than cannabis. Because he has become abusive towards you, it's VERY important that you protect yourself and avoid seeing him alone.

I highly recommend that you and your daughter(his mother) begin attending Al-anon meetings twice or three times a week right away. Working the 12 steps, at Al-anon meetings, and finding a sponsor should help you create a plan for the best way to intervene and to help your grandson get into treatment right away.

The little I know about his family background and current anger makes me believe he needs psychiatric support right away. Going to Al-anon meetings should help you to find the resources you need to help your grandson.

Good Luck,

Debbie

Broken
by: Anonymous

My grandson is living on the street, he goes to shelter to sleep sometimes. He's been in Teton a few times,he has stole money from me, screamed an yelled at me, he is so full of anger and rage, he just became a father an this is killing him,
because he is not in his sons life.

I am just broken because I raised him and his twin brother pretty much since they were born, I might add without a dad at all in there life..,I know I can't help him now.

He lies cheats and steals. We almost lost him three times last year. One time he phoned to say he loved me and wanted to say good by. The ambulance got there in time!

I can't do this anymore please????

Never give up, there is always something you can do to help your grandson.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Broken,

There's always hope, please don't give up on your grandson. Much of the anger he is displaying is likely caused by the drugs he's addicted to. Drug addiction is a disease that attacks our brain and changes into an often unrecognizable version of ourselves.

If your grandson could figure out how to end his addiction, he would likely turn back into the person you have loved. Your grandson has a disease that his brain may be telling him that he doesn't have. When you're addicted, your own brain and thoughts, often, are your worst enemy.

Please begin going to Al-anon meetings for your grandson, so that you can learn as much as possible about the disease of addiction. Go to Al-anon meetings (at least 3 times a week), work the 12 steps and find a sponsor. Work with your sponsor to create an action plan to help your grandson.

There is ALWAYS hope! Try to get your grandson to start attending AA or NA meetings DAILY, so that he can work the 12 steps himself. Hopefully, when he begins to work the steps, he will discover for himself that his addiction is killing him and not allowing him to be a father to his son.

Good Luck,

Debbie

My daughter and two grandsons on drugs
by: Cindy

I have a daughter and 2 grandsons that are addicts. My daughter started drugs when she was 24, and my g-son's started in there teens.

My daughter says she is clean, but I think she still messes with pills. My oldest g-son as been in prison for the last 4 years.

It has not been a continuous, but in and out of jail and the last year in prison for a full year. He just got out in May, got a job and had it for a month and half. Went to work yesterday so messed up that he got fired and started walking the streets taking his clothes off.

My 2nd g-son is in jail, but will be getting out in Oct. I have begged for all 3 of them to stay away from the people that mess with drugs, but to no avail, my words go in one ear and out the other.

I'm 60 and am so so very tired of worrying about them that I feel like if I just wasn't here then my worries would be over. But I have another daughter and 3 more g-children. They our my world and that's what helps me get thru the day.

And also I am a true believer in God, and don't want to do anything that would make him mad at me. Please give me some advice on how to help my family. I am at wits end. :(

We each make our own choices.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Cindy,

I sounds like you've done everything possible to help you daughter and grand children. Because you believe in God, I know you will understand that God allows us each to make our own choices.

God has given us Jesus and the 10 commandments so that we may live a joyous, happy and free life. If we turn our back on Him, by making very bad choices, then our lives often become unbearable.

My advice to you is to: Let go and let God! The Serenity Prayer tells us to accept the things we cannot change and change those that we can. It also says to ask God to grant us the serenity to know the difference.

That's my prayer for you, that God gives you the peace to accept that you can't control your daughter nor her children's bad choices, but you can seek the peace and joy of God and pray that they turn toward Him in their despair and desperation.

Debbie

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