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How to determine boundaries for helping addict?

by Novale
(Richmond VA)

My husband and I have been together eight years and he has a crack addiction. I finally separated six months ago with children because we were losing home etc due to him spending all money...

We HAVE been trying to work on our marriage and the addiction...he doesn't do formal treatment "as it interferes with work" ...he got his own apt and now is being evicted due to using money for drugs... so he is knocking on my door with no where to go, no money, no phone, etc. I won't let him stay here as I made move to give kids stability... but hard not to help ...what boundaries do I set?

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Correct boundaries are critical to his recovery.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Novale,

Addiction is a progressive disease of the brain that, if left untreated, is often fatal. Based on the little bit you've said, it sounds like your husband is in an advanced stage of addiction. The drug has completely taken over every aspect of his life and if he doesn't get help soon the likelihood of a positive outcome is not high.

He MUST get into treatment right away. The Salvation Army has free addiction treatment programs that he can get into. Allowing him to stay with you will continue to enable his addiction. He MUST feel the fully brunt of his addiction before he will be willing to seek the help he needs.

I would call the Salvation Army in your area and ask them for guidance for helping your husband.

Here is their contact information in your area:

The Salvation Army Central Virginia
2 W Grace St
(804) 225-7470

Your husband needs to fully experience the consequences of his addiction in order for him to realize that he MUST stop using to survive.

Also, consider joining Al-anon in your area and working the 12 steps. Al-anon teaches us how to love the addict but to hate their addiction. It teaches us how to set the correct boundaries and work toward getting them back to sobriety.

Good Luck,


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