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I married a cocaine user without knowing...

by Nancy
(LV, Nevada)

A few months ago I found out my husband inhales cocaine along with using alcohol. He drinks maybe once or twice a month during social gatherings, I did notice behavior changes when drinking (I grew up with alcoholic parent, I've been exposed to substance abuse at an early age) such as excessive talking and being hyper, but I always though it was just the alcohol that was causing that, and at that time I expressed my concerns about that as well.

We dated for several years prior to marriage, I never knew about the drug usage, I had always expressed my feeling towards drug usage and how against it I was, being that I got divorced years ago also because of a serious drug problem, also with cocaine, oxy and other drugs.

I found out about the current drug usage a couple months after our marriage through my brother and after much denial, lies and blaming others and throwing others under the bus, he finally admitted to using "at times while drinking". We talked about this, and though it was very hard, I have been trying to forgive and believe that was the last time he would ever do this, being that he saw how much this affected our relationship. At that time he promised he would never do this again, etc...

Well this weekend again, I had a suspicion, we were at my brothers, and he was showing those signs, and I ended up finding a small amount of cocaine in his jacket, he tried to blame others again, then again he says he does not have a problem with it, that he uses it simply because it makes him tolerate alcohol a lot more...and that he is sorry, etc... but since we have already gone through this few months ago, and I told him how much it hurt to know he does this and lied about it, I don't trust him anymore and wonder what other lies has he told me or not told me. In general he is a hard worker, very responsible when it comes to work and bills, etc... but the lies and all this really makes me doubt his character too.

I do not know what to do... this is not fair, had he told me or had I found out before we married, I would have never married him... I feel betrayed... and don't think he will stop and I do not want to live life like this. I am seriously considering divorce. I just don't know if this will in fact stop or not, but from past experiences it never does. He does not believe in rehabs, counseling, or anything of that sort.

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Consider attending Al-anon
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Nancy,

Addiction is such a difficult problem particularly when it's your spouse. It's often VERY difficult to decide what to do, because no one wants to break up their family or live with addiction. Neither option seems acceptable.

Al-anon meetings are held to help family members to understand addiction and also to help us to figure out the best course of action to take.

Each situation is unique, and deciding the best choices and what to do is also unique to each circumstance. Al-anon helps us to sort through our feelings and decide what we want to do and then supports us as we do it.

All of us need support during these difficult times and Al-anon can provide that support.

Good luck,


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