I think my boyfriend is back on heroin?
My boyfriend of 5 years is recovering from a 3 year heroin addiction, a habit that was costing up to almost 200 a day.
October last he was released from prison after serving a 3 month sentence for assault, apparently a new reformed man. He was great for ages working out daily with a great attitude and passion for a new life. However due to the extreme nature of his addiction he has had 3 relapses that I know about.
In the last few months he has become increasingly depressed, mainly due to lack of employment. However, he has been taking a variety of tablets namely Valium and an assortment of similar drugs.
In most recent times his attitude has changed dramatically he has no interest in our relationship or spending any time together (we do not live together). He has become in the last few weeks verbally abusive towards me and basically does not care whether we remain together or not.
I feel after investing 5 years of my life it is now time to move on from what I can only call the most horrific relationship I have ever had the misfortune to be involved in.
I love him but I have strangely throughout this experience found the courage to love myself also. I want to move on and find someone new who will treat me the way I deserve, however, due to guilt I have remained trapped in this mess.
In our most recent argument I told him that my love for him is wavering and he did not take this well.
Please help me I need advice to set myself free from this. Maybe somewhere in the mess I became co-dependent because I didn’t know what to do, but I do now (just for the record I don’t take drugs) can anyone advise me how to do this?
In the past I have felt that his family have held his fragile state over me if I ever left him and if I did now they would blame me for any relapse he would have. But I know all the signs and symptoms like the back of my hand and I know he is using again.
I don’t want to hurt him but I have to stop hurting myself. Any advice would be appreciated from those who have similar experiences.
Thank You.
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You Need To Set Standards
However, his attitude and the change in direction of your relationship due to his drug use tells the real story. He is making a choice. Perhaps you feel a sense of guilt, but it is misdirected. You do not have to live with his disease, especially since he doesn’t seem to be able to connect the dots and see that he needs to get back into treatment and take responsibility for his life. I know it’s tough, but ask yourself, “Do I have a happy future with this person and his disease?” It’s time for you to walk. You can be his friend, but under the present circumstances, you will never be his partner. Protect yourself and do what is in your best interest. Call Al-Anon and get their take on it. If you are looking for a man who will love and respect you, you need to set the standard and demand that. |